A whole bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with anything. Or might.

It's like this: Horses Rock Stars Awards Shows Pug Novel-writing and Stuff.  Where do I start? Well, the water in the barn is frozen again.  I HATE when that happens but at least the trough is full.  Let's cheer up by looking at some barnyard winter pictures:

We're not working these days - which I think the horses might actually miss! - but they're getting lots of hay and pats and smooches.  

A reader sent me an email a few days back (Hi Lynn!) asking about good footing for an outdoor riding area.  The short answer is... I'm not sure.  I've been thinking about this for a couple years.  Next week I'll write a post about what I've come up with so far.  

Who watched the SAG AWARDS last weekend?  

No?

Heck that's okay.  I DID!  

I watch the awards, so you don't have to.  

It's just what I do, no need to thank.

DISAPPOINTING ROCK NEWS Part 1

Robert Plant was in Toronto 2 weeks ago.  And I was not.  Oh Robert.  When, when, will our paths meet again?  I can't friggin' believe I didn't catch this.  

Dang it.  

I won't give up hope!  As long as he keeps doing His Thing, which we can clearly see, He's Still Got IT, there is still a chance I'll get to see him!  And like, remember it this time.  

DISAPPOINTING ROCK NEWS Part 2

The White Stripes have called it quits. 

They're going to end on a good note rather than crank out a few crappy boring albums worth of dreck, then give up out of frustration. Good decision guys.  But nevertheless.

WAAAAAHHHHH!

SO glad we took the kids to see the a few years back.  That was worth it.  Two freaks on a stage making a lot of noise- that is just what a couple of pre-teens get into.  

I will miss their special brand of weirdness!  

At least Jack has other things going on, and always will.  

But yet again, waaaahhhhhh!

Ok, what else happened this week?  I bought pants.  They fit.  It snowed and now my Pug has to jump through the snow drifts, which is hilarious and darn near indescribable.  Trust me, it's funny.

I got rid of some more junk.  Why the hell did I think I'd need those glass jars after I moved?  Seriously, there's not a worldwide glass shortage happening.  Buh-bye junk.  

And the cat is taming up a little but she's still psycho. I adore her.  

Also I'm rewriting.  AGAIN.  But it's okay, and I'm actually... enjoying it!!!  From now on I shall introduce myself like this:

"Hello.  I'm Heidi, I'm a horsewoman and a re-writer."

On that happy note, I've worn my computer down to 11% battery and my butt's numb from sitting so long.  Git outta here and go do something!  Git!

Winter and I might have to break up.

It's just too cold for me.

I claim the right to complain.

My nose is frozen.  Seriously - the snot is freezing inside my nose.

The horses actually want to come into the barn in the evening - and STAY there.  No more of the usual chewing down the grain and then gazing out the barn door, waiting to get out.  They sigh with contentment and spread the hay all over the clean shavings in the stall.

Cars don't want to start.  When they do start, the gear shift coldly and reluctantly moves into place.

My truck lost the ability to produce heat inside the cab a couple weeks ago.  Only today I have had the ability to pay to have it fixed.

The water tap in the barn froze.  I cannot even tell you how much I HATE that.

The Pug doesn't even want to go out.

The inside of the screen door is frozen.

I can't take this anymore, Winter.  I could stand it when it was just cold, but this is too much.  Once the temperature falls into the minus-double-digits I start feeling abused now and I won't stand for this abuse. I've often doubted our compatibility but I have just had enough of the cruelty.

Thaw out my water tap before you leave.

Don't let the gate hit you in the ass on your way out.

(And let the Winnipeg people go too, you polygamist torturer! Seriously, they are so much nicer and easy-going than us Ontarians.  Minus 50????  You are cruel - no, sadistic!  Stop this now!)

Throwing things into suitcases and getting ready to party with rockstars

alternate title: IF IT'S CLEAN, IT'S FORMAL WEAR.

(Calgary, 2008)

Normally I start packing a few days ahead of time, but I had this cold, see, and then a big bin showed up and I had to fling some metal into it -- oooh flinging metal!  Sweeeet! -- then I had an appt with DOCTACHAN which took a very long trip down the highway and blah blah blah I didn't pack a thing until this morning.  

Truth: Jethro and I stood in the bedroom at the farmhouse and did "Are we taking this" to each other for what felt like an hour.  I almost left without any socks.  But I think I have about 5 pairs of tights.  Fishnets?  Hmm, east coast, that's appropriate, right?  

I'm pretty sure we both have enough undies for the trip.  I mean for each of us.  

More than ever, since I've been living in farm country, I'm seeing the contrast between Heidi the Hick and Heidi the Wife of the Recording Engineer who Gets Nominated for Awards.  Like, I packed two pairs of boots and neither are useful barn boots.  I packed no overalls.  However I do have my pink John Deere hat.  Gotta keep it real.  

Let's have a look (because I'm either a huge narcissist, or have no embarrassment capabilities) at the two sides of me:

(with my farm dog, winter 2009)

(Calgary, 08 in the most awesome dress evar)

(prettying up the big fella instead of myself)

(Vancouver '09: the dress I wore to my prom is so tight 20 years later it's making my forehead vein pop)

(I shouldn't even post pix like this - what the heck is wrong with me?)

(Like high school, only older and heavier!!)

How many times have we done this and I still can't believe it.  Me, the little dork covered in pony dirt, and him, the kid from the big house behind the feed mill, walking past all the famous people and being unrecognized on the red carpet!!!!

Aw, he's more than paid his dues.  He deserves a fun weekend. "Give me a weekend there, I'll pick up that east coast accent."  

Geez, my bestest friend Biddie was there for less than two years in her teens and I can still hear the accent on her!  

OH and I haven't even told you what I'm wearing.  It's a surprise.  Even to me.  My blog buddy Cara is going to surprise me!  

Okay I'm officially excited now.  The plane takes off at dark o'clock....

It's October: that means 3 things. It's Friday: you know what that means.

You're here, I'm here, outside the cold rain is dripping like misery, but it's Friday, so Johnny's here too. I kinda missed him. Thanks for reminding us to dress warm, Johnny.

Summer is over, kids. I'm as melancholy as you, I'm sure.

October means:

1) digging out the warm hats and flannel shirts. That brings me just a small comforting measure of happiness. I busted out the earflaps hat the other day.

I love flannel. For me, a good plaid flannel shirt is one of the best things about cold weather. It represents warmth and reality and signifies a trustworthy, honest person. Sounds corny, but that's what it says to me.

I'm taking any comfort I can these days. Now that it's over, I can confess that it wasn't the best, most fun summer of my life. We were totally broke, not in the "Can't afford to go to the movies" kind of way (which is why I did NOT get out to see Johnny Depp's latest), but in a "Can't buy cheese and meat in the same week" kind of way. Since I'm training myself to always look for the bright side - even if it hides from me - we did not starve. (I thank God and loved ones for that.) We are not homeless, despite not knowing where we'll be living a year from now. This past summer was all about uncertainty, but we got through it.

There were a few good things about this crappy summer.

I had visitors out to the farm. I got to use my tiny saddle on the little Lady so my friend Cute Stuff could ride her. See, I'm glad I decided to hang onto those cowboy boots my kids outgrew!

We actually did ride, but she would have been okay with standing around and being admired.

It's good to have friends over. Even dogs need friends.

We got one trip to the beach. One. We picked the only nice day in August.

September, however, was beautiful. I'm thankful for weather that allowed me to enjoy the great outdoors with my horses, and kept my kids out of the house after school.

Now it's rainy and miserable and feels like our two weeks of summer never even really happened.

October also means:

2)the Ol' Man will be packing his truck away for the winter. I finally drove it again after a few years of chickening out. If the seat moved all the way up, it would work better for me, but heck, I don't have to shift it into 5th, right? Too skeert to open that thing up and go full speed.

Like the door lock? I think my dad might be a redneck.

He's still got his winter van, but it only seats one other. I need to roll my truck down the big highway. I need wheels (under a cargo box) out at the farm. I need to do something about that highway phobia if I'm ever going to get my truck there.

October brings me a jarring change this year. I'm wandering around my house putting things in boxes. It makes the house look less like our house. My dog is following me around all day looking very confused and concerned.

I'm staring at bookshelves feeling very indecisive. Books don't belong in boxes. They need to be on shelves where they can breathe! This is very hard. I haven't even started on the bedrooms yet. I'm still fretting over books.

Know what else?

October means:

3) It's my Blogiversary.

It's been FOUR YEARS since I started this bizarre little interactive journal. Many of my readers have gone on to other things, and I've gotten new readers, and I'm still writing although finding the time gets harder.

Help me out here. What should we do to mark this occasion? What would you like me to write about? I'm overdue for another H the Heidi magazine but that's really hard to pull off on dial up. Maybe you should tell me about a particularly memorable blog post and I'll re-run it with updates and commentary. I do want to know what readers want to see. I'd be here typing anyways, but it sure is nice to know somebody's reading.

Gotta go. Boxes do not fill themselves.


ps  I pressed a few virtual buttons so that now anybody can comment.  (I think you all know who you are!)

The Hick Chic Guide to The Difference Between Cold and Very Very Cold

I'm just gonna come right out and say it: Don't insist that it's cold where you live if you're talking to a Canadian.  You will not win that argument.  Unless you live in Minnesota, North Dakota, Montana or Idaho.  Or like, Ukraine.  

Fellow Canadians?  Don't pick an argument about how cold it is where you live with anybody from Winnipeg.  I don't know why, but Manitoba is colder than where you are.  Just tellin' it like it is, folks.

Mind you, I'm cold for half the year.  I start wearing a toque in October.

And the further it's shoved down on my head, the better!  I want my delicate little ears covered!  
But I digress, just slightly.  

At what point are you justified in whining about the cold?  I'm here to help, with my compilation of the Indications Of Very, Very Cold.  Anything else is Just Cold.  (So man-up and wrap a scarf around your face and get to work, ok?)

IT'S VERY, VERY COLD IF:

-you can see your breath inside the house, it's very, very cold.  (Think I'm kidding?  In my childhood, our house had no heat upstairs.  After the electric baseboard heaters were wired up, it was bearable.  These days when we visit the farm, Mom sends Dad upstairs to turn on the heaters before we get there.  To think that he grew up like that... and she grew up with no electricity at all...)

-your snot freezes inside your nose within seconds of going outside.

-when you breathe in, your sinuses hurt.

-the diesel engine does NOT want to start.  You glow plug it four times before it splutters on, and then it runs reluctantly.

-there's frost inside the vehicle.

-after driving for twenty minutes, it's running smooth, but there's still no heat coming through the vents.

-the dog trots extra fast, and your walk is shorter but feels longer.

-horses leave the barn, go outside, take a wiz, and line up at the door to get back in again.  (Wimps!  They're wearing fur coats!  Geez.)

-the school keeps the kids in for recess.  (Wimps!  They're wearing snowsuits!  Geez.  Actually I'm just jealous because in the 70s we got out butts kicked out no matter what!)

-you're wearing long johns under your pants, a T shirt plus long sleeved shirt plus sweater, and covered up with Grandma's crocheted blanket, and there's a chubby Pug on your feet, and you're just starting to feel contently warm.

-your old housecat hasn't been seen much lately, because he's on a bed... under the blankets.

-the barn cats have made a nest in the shavings in the corner of a horse's stall. They'll brave the possibility of hooves for that warm place to huddle up for the night.  (It is cute, isn't it?)

-your mom keeps talking about retiring from her job and not leaving the house until April.

-your son wears ski goggles to school, in order to shield his eyeballs from the stinging cold.

-he's also wearing a bright orange ski mask - it's technically a warm colour.  Every little bit helps.

-your daughter has actually put on a long sleeved shirt under her sweater, and wears real winter boots to school instead of those silly fake Ugg-boots.

-it takes the dog about 2.8 seconds to get outside, across the deck, down the steps, take a wiz, and run back to the door.  

-it's -15 Celsius and that's the warmest it's been all week.  

So, since I don't have to leave for work yet, I'm back in bed with the very warm sleeping man, covered in  three layers of flannel, thick comforter, and thermal blankets, with snoring hot-potato dog, and ancient cat.  I think my toes are thawing out.  We must think warm thoughts.  

This always works for me.

Bundle up, cover your skin, and think warm thoughts!

ps- although I didn't personally send it, I apologize for the cold air, to all my southern neighbours. I may be grandstanding that it's colder up here, but I feel your pain.  Believe me, I feel it!

PERFESHNUL.

For two mornings this week, I'll be doing chores in somebody else's barn, and getting paid for it!  Do you know what this means?  It means that I am a professional.  I am an Equine Feed Dispersal Logistician.  H2O Distribution Administrator.  Manure Removal Technician.

I am She Who Leads The Horse To Water.  Not just water but also the big paddock with the round bale in the feeder.  

Hi, I'm Heidi.  I'll be your Person Who Lets You Out of the Barn.

I'm the Professional S*** Slinger!

Also Jethro has decided he needs me to help paint in the studio again this week, before they have another client in for a session.  So I'm kinda sore and extremely tired.  I'm going to sleep now.  Jethro and the Pug are already snoring, and the cat has claimed my left arm.  

If you can think of any more official-sounding Job Titles please share!

more than just a grocery-getter

I love it when I have an excuse to use my truck to do actual truck-like things.  I often feel awful about the amount of fuel it needs, or the many repairs needed to keep an almost 20 year old truck running safely.  But then, just as often, we wonder how the heck we ever got through life in those truckless years between the 1980 Chevy and the 1989 GMC.  (My first truck and current truck; there were a couple of cars in between.  I've never owned anything front wheel drive or non-Generous Motors.)

On the weekend, Susan needed a ride for a round bale.  Her hubby's truck wasn't feeling well.  She's done so much for me (like, I get to play with her horses!) and it wasn't any problem at all to say, "Of course we'll go get a round bale with my truck!"

We went down the road to a dairy farmer's place.  It smelled like a dairy farm.  I liked it.  There was a cute white farm house, a big black hip roof barn, a black shed, and a couple of white cover-all sheds.  His kids were bombing around in snow suits, and two big black and brown dogs came up to sniff us and wag their fluffy tails.  Dude put the bale in the truck with a nice John Deere tractor - with a spike on the front.  That was cool.  I'd love to have a big spike thing to spear giant hay bales with.  It wouldn't even be like work.  Just fun.  Except for the cold.  Just saying.  

Look how big this darn hay bale is!  Believe it or not, Susan and I, two small women, shoved this thing outta the truck by ourselves!  We are a couple of hardy and hearty farm girls!  Whoo!

My truck looks good full of hay.  And I feel good knowing that four horses have a big bale to keep them busy and make the barn full of small bales last longer.  

And you know, if that what it takes to cheer me up, I'm okay with that.  

Less hatred, more hay.  Makes the world a better place.

After three days of skyscrapers and parties... we headed for the hills. Welcome to Rafter 6!

Three days of alternate reality: partying, free snacks & beer, hotel staff who were soooo nice to us hosers.  It was fun, but by Monday morning it was time to move on.  Even though Calgary is a lovely city, we were looking forward to the last part of our trip:  a stay at a ranch and a quick tour of the Rockies!

He'd been telling everybody all weekend that after the Juno stuff, he was gunna rent himself a big one-ton diesel pickup truck.  "I'm gettin' me an a**hole truck!" he grinned.  "The biggest one I can get!"  He got a few laughs out of that one... but the funniest part was that he was darn serious!  "I'm in ALBERTA," he declared, "I'm gettin me a TRUCK!"  

I'd nod my head in agreement.  "My girly truck at home isn't quite enough for him.  It's only a half ton.  And it's a gas engine.  Totally girly."

He rolled up the the Swanky Hotel with a big grin on his face.  

They didn't have a dually for him... but he was quite happy with this.  It'd do.  

It takes about an hour to get to the foothills from Calgary. See the mountains on the horizon? They called to me from the window of our hotel room!  The ride there was sweeeeet.  Love the truck, love the scenery, love the guy beside me.  

Here's the little cabin where we made our home for one night.  

We have a little history with the Rafter 6 Ranch.  We stayed there for a couple of nights on our road-trip-honeymoon.  He promised me that someday, we'd come back... it took seventeen years, but he came through for me.  

He had to make another promise, because we have to come back again with the kids!  We couldn't stop thinking about them during our stay.  We're not waiting seventeen years for a return this time!  

All the critters run free out here, including the horse herd!  There was horse***t everywhere!  It was great!  I hoped to wake up in the morning and have a horse standing beside my window, but no...

...at least we had a few chickens pecking around over by the barn.  

I signed up for a one hour trail ride.  I was aching pretty bad from standing around all weekend socializing in my ridiculous high heeled boots, but I'd suffer for a ride in the foothills.  Being on a horse actually felt very good.  Normal.

It was just me and the two wranglers.  Here, Robin closes the gate from horseback.  See, all those sidepasses and haunch turns are useful!

They took me on the scenic route...





My wranglers were awesome.  Look how gorgeous these two people are!  Good horsemen, good "hands" and lots of fun to ride with.  We chatted about our horses the entire ride, we loped through the bush, we had a few good laughs.  

Here I am with Rocky, a good solid honest horse.  He ain't purty, but he's a sweet guy. I could really love him!

And I thought I'd like to have a matched set like these guys some day in the future...

While I was out on my ride, Jethro was in our cabin with his little portable studio set up on the glass-topped wagon wheel table in our cabin. He had his MacBook, his ProTools, and his headphones, for some heavy duty intense listening. I didn't mind; after all, this was essentially a working trip with an emphasis on fun.

He had more planned though. With his big diesel pickup truck he wanted to drive up into the mountains. We headed west on the Trans Canada Highway, all the way to Lake Louise. Yes, I absolutely will show you pictures (come back on Monday) but I wish the pictures did the landscape justice. I hope I can convey the feeling of the place.

After a stop in Banff, we drove "home" to the ranch in the dark. And I mean Alberta foothills dark, not southern Ontario suburban sprawl dark. We crept into the yard at 11pm... as quietly as a diesel truck will allow! (Trust me, it's not like it was the only one of its kind out there.) The cabin was cozy, and out the peak window I could see stars in the black sky. I loved it.

We woke up at 7am for a big cowboy-sized breakfast. On our way back to the cabin to pack up and go home, we stopped by the corral to visit the critters.  

Jethro found a new friend.  I think this is how our Pug sees himself.  In his little mind, he is a 130lb Neopolitan Mastiff.  This big dog is so much more mellow than our 20lb guard dog! Head like a cinder block and a heart of gold.  I wonder how our Pug would like a friend like this.  They sit the same way, and both have comical faces!

This picture of Two Big Dogs is one of my all time favourites...

 I think he could have knocked me over if he leaned hard enough...

And then there's this fella.  DONKEY.

Funny looking, cute, ugly, adorable, and according to the ranch staff, a rather emotional little guy.  Sometimes the big horses don't want to play with him.  I gave him a nice cuddle, scratched his big ears and round forehead, and rubbed his tiny muzzle.  I just loved him.  I wished I could have fit him into my suitcase!

Later that morning we packed up the truck and took it back to Calgary.  We were ready to get home and hug our kids...