DANGIT AVRIL -- The Wedding Edition

I got a text from my Pal Al today saying, "see your twin got married on the weekend"

To which I responded, "Yeah on my anniversary!  Didn't I tell you she always steals my ideas !!!"

At least in this wedding she isn't wearing a white dress with white cowboy boots, and carry white roses with three little red roses stuck in there.  Way to get your own ideas Avril, finally, geez (eye roll.)  In a bold statement of her dedication to always looking like she got smacked with the Mall Goth Stick (I'm pretty sure that's a real thing) she got married in all black, including the black lipstick around her eyes.

They both look slightly smacked -- maybe the flash was too bright.

Actually I think this is kind of fun!  I love black.  It is very formal and classy and looks good on everybody.  Can't go wrong.  

But people, listen.  This is serious.  The Chavril anniversary will from here on be the same as the Heidi and Jethro anniversary.  And they must be just as thick skulled and forgetful as we are because they basically chose the date for the same reasons we did, which are...

1. This is the date on which they started dating
2. this way they will always remember their anniversary date - it's so easy!

And of course, we can all fool ourselves into thinking that our wedding anniversary is A NATIONAL HOLIDAY EVERYBODY CELEBRATE OUR ETERNAL LOVE WITH RED AND WHITE FLAGS AND FIREWORKS WHOOOOOO HOO!!!

Well I'm happy for those crazy kids. They're one of those "forehead slap couples"; at first it's stunning but then it's stunningly obvious.  I've become fond of the Chavril and I hope this sticks together. July 1st has been a good date for us, and we've been at the very least acknowledging it with a "Hey still glad I married ya" for TWENTY TWO YEARS! I honestly hope theirs is a long and happy marriage, filled with all a good marriage has to offer: love, acceptance, productive arguments resulting in understandings, compromises on which way the shoes should be placed on the rug inside the door, where the best place is to locate the swingset in the backyard, and which guitar take is best for that particular song.  And that a horse is the best guy to hang around with if not with the husband.  Oh wait I guess they don't have that problem.  Unless Chad decides his recording studio in a barn needs a horse.  Seriously his studio was a horse barn.    I want that.  And then another little barn for the actual horses.  

But I digress.

So she's short and has been known to dress weird and now got married the same day I did.  I am constantly alternating my opinion of her between "she is so cute" and "she is so irritating" which is likely very similar to what many people think of me!  

If she starts wearing cut off "Farm Girl Brand" shorts with red topped socks and old purple roper boots then we will KNOW she's been spying on me...

COLLEGE: Like Kindergarten. But way bigger. And more expensive. And a lot farther away.

So we shipped our first born child off to college this past weekend.  So far she's been busy bonding with her three new roommates, exploring the grounds, and getting fed at all the free events the school's been throwing.  The rest of the time she's in her room with the Mac Book Pro (all the photography students get a computer issued by the program) editing photos she took here at home.  Oh yeah, she also showed up at her first class yesterday.  On time.

She's rocking this.

Now you're wondering how I'm doing.

I'M GREAT!

No seriously.  I'm handling this better than I thought I would.  I squeezed out a few tears on Friday night, in my bed, with my face stuck to her daddy's shoulder.  That was my hard time.  I'd spent the last half a year preparing myself for the basic idea that my kid will be not living in the same house as me during the week.  I introduced to her the concept of self-nagging.  She ended up not getting a steady job this summer, and while it would have been good to have some money earned up, she had time to work on her photography skills and talk to her mother about life and stuff, and also, grow up a little.  I had time to enjoy her presence.

I just had that one moment Friday night.

Okay maybe I've been choked up a couple times.

But I'm way more okay than I expected.

That child walked into the kindergarten yard all those years ago in her floweree-ree-ree-ree jacket and cute skirt and red rubber boots, wide eyed and free of expectations.  She walked out a couple hours later, looked at the yellow school bus, and burst into tears when I told her that she could't go on the bus because we lived just down the street and she had to walk home with me and her little brother.  That was my forehead slap moment.  I didn't prepare her for that!  I'd told her how when I was a little girl living on Grandma's farm I took the bus to school.  I forgot to tell her that kids who live two blocks away from the school walk home, holding mommy's hand, with little brother in the stroller.

Now she lives about an hour away from the school.  Her new home away from home is a residence building, just across the lane from a nice cafeteria and mere minutes from the school's photography studio.  Everything is a short walk.

I am pretty sure I thought of everything this time.  I told her about how my one and only year of college was different because I was 20 and married.  And how I had only been on a city bus once in my life.  And how I had a meltdown beside a bus shelter the night before my first class because the posted bus schedule looked like a Russian blueprint and what the hell was I doing living in a place with all these buildings everywhere, right beside each other... while my young husband sat on the curb with his head in his hands wondering what he was thinking, taking this little hick out of her natural habitat, the full realization sinking in that he had just married a crazy chick.

Selina is a little odd and quirky, but she's not crazy.  And she's not typical.  She's not swayed by what everybody else is doing.

Not like back in kindergarten.  She went in with full sentences and decent grammar and clear enunciation.  She came home the second day talking like a baby.  Oh wow.  Poor kid looked around with those big eyes and open ears and figured out that this is what we do in kindergarten.

I'm not really concerned that she'll come home next weekend talking with full-on vocal fry, sentences all dipping down at the end, eyes rolling, hair flipping, slouching, post-valley-girl apathy.  (Luckily so far her roommates don't fit that description.  Whew.)

MEANWHILE, back at the Ol' Homestead.

Bucky went to school yesterday without his sister for the first time ever.  He was ready with time to spare and had nobody to nag at to quick hurry up get ready don't make me miss the bus.  He drove over to the bus stop and everybody got to see him get out of the driver's seat.

I will now be the recipient of all Bucky's practical jokes and advanced trolling.  Unless he text spams his sister.  Which he will.  Because waiting five days for her to come back is a lot longer than waiting two hours for her to come home.

Oakie and I will now dispel all those myths about the legendary beauty of the horse...

WHAT'S IN HERE?  

Really, girl?  You know what's in there.  

And it's not fresh tasty hay.  

It's actually the opposite of that.  

But you don't care.  

The sun's shining and you're not even all that hungry.  It's snooze time.  The pressure is off.  You don't have to impress anybody, or be gorgeous and spirited, or even stay awake for that matter.  

Blah blah blah whatever.  Barbie's Dream Horse would never hang around looking like this. It's like Barbie's Dream Horse doesn't even exist.  

But look at how shiny your coat is, even in late winter.  Even after you've rolled in the dirty sand.

Aw heck, I give up.  Yer so pretty.

What I DIDN'T do was shove my unfinished novel under the door one single-spaced page at a time.

What I did do was find the address of Janet Reid's office and wave hello.

Hi!

  JANETREID gave me one of my top 3 awesome rejections, which made me respect her even more, I'm not even kidding.

So I didn't technically stalk any literary agents, but I did seek out the workplace of one and No I do not think that's crazy.  

LITTLE HICK IN THE BIG CITY: Day 2, Friday

Man, the stereotype that people in New York are in their own little worlds of aloof unfriendliness is entirely untrue!  Before leaving, some American friends of mine, assuring me that I’d be okay here, told me that it’s not like in the movies.  Well, I already was firmly of the belief that in general, American people are a warm, friendly bunch of individuals.  This experience confirms it.

Today a fella named Pedro came to my room to fix the phone.  He has such a strong accent I had to concentrate to catch what he was saying.  He told me there are 9 million people living in Manhattan.  Just in Manhattan… by comparison, there are 5 million in Metro Toronto, the biggest big city I know.  That includes the boroughs.  Canadian cities really aren’t very big.  Pedro told me he takes the train in to work from Queens.  I told him in Toronto most people spend two hours commuting.  (One of the reasons why after a decade-plus we had to get the heck outta there.)

I can’t comprehend how big this city is. Or the scale of things.  Everything is so tight.  Little blocks of streets.  

Last night, we had a late bite to eat.  We walked north on 10th Avenue.  There were so many people out taking their dogs for a last walk of the day.  We sat in a tiny restaurant and I said to Jethro, “I wasn’t expecting this… it’s like a little neighborhood here.  People live here.  I always thought of it like this big fabulous place where people go to… be fabulous.  But this is somebody’s home.”

Well obviously I knew people live in this city.  But it seemed so big and distant and maybe even cold.  There are just so many people here!  How can anybody live like this and not become so jaded that they can’t be bothered to look up at anybody else?   Wouldn’t your skin have to be so thick that you’d lose any connection to anybody else?

I’m somebody who tries to keep in mind that stereotypes are in place for a reason but are often exaggerated and probably a little inaccurate.  Like, I have this blog called Hick Chic, implying that I’m a country girl and I’m proud of it and I am totally working it and pulling it off.  I know why city people think of us hicks as naive and unsophisticated.  I myself am naive and unsophisticated.  But I’m not dumb.  (Okay I might come off that way in person, but really, I’m not!) I seriously have a hard time crossing a street on foot.  I’m not even kidding.  But I can drive down a gravel road at 100 kph with one hand on the steering wheel.  So we each have a different set of skills.  

It doesn’t do any of us any good to deal with each other with contempt, as tempting as it is when I get attitude from more urban folks who automatically assume that being from the country means I don’t matter.

As I’m finding out, those who treat me that way are the exception.

( maybe I really only get that attitude off people in Toronto?  Hmmmm….)

I’m writing this in the lobby of the incredibly chic stylin’ lobby of the Yotel.  A woman a big honkin’ camera and a Manfrotto tripod is taking pictures of the room.  The decor is amazing.  Everything is purple and white and grey with pale wood.  It’s so slick I’m just about sliding out of my crazy mid-century-modern chair.  I am totally digging this place - it’s fun to be here!  BUT.  I could not live like this. It’s too fabulous.  

I’m not fabulous.  

Fun, but not fab in a New York kind of way.

Today’s Hick-in-New York outfit:

Jeans (yep, Mavi from the Juno swag bag, good thing they fit)

running shoes

pink plaid flannel shirt

And because I’m totally doing the Big City Writer thing, I’m wearing my glasses.  

I am totally working this.  

I think I’ll head up to my room again.  Jethro’s at the conference down the road, talking with other engineers about soundwave displacement in an audiological resonance digital high fidelity aural 7.1 surround… thing…. while I do my thing here and somebody is up on the twelfth floor is cleaning my room and putting nice clean white towels in the glass walled-bathroom, and making the bed!  THAT right there, alone, is worth checking in here for!

Of course we’ll be paying for this trip for the next six months.

Okay, going back up in the purple elevator.  Catch ya later.  

ps- I totally crossed a street by myself!  Well, me and ten other people. But otherwise by myself.

I'm getting overwhelmed by the sirens, and it sounds like the predominant form of communication in this town is honking.  Other than that, I'm dealing quite well!

According to my daughter the Muser...

All must make the pilgrimage.  

They all look so SERIOUS in these pictures.  How does that work?  How do you get Matthew Bellamy to stand still long enough to take a picture?  

Muse are in North America RIGHT NOW, which is the same continent my daughter lives in!!!!! 

OMG IT'S LIKE WE'RE RIGHT BESIDE EACH OTHER

THEY'RE LIKE, ALMOST BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS US, EXCEPT ACROSS THE GREAT LAKES!!!!! 

I've decided I fully support this particular rock band obsession.

That is all.  Goodnight.

You know it's bad when a 15 year old boy is grossed out.

After wrangling with a saddle blanket, because I just can't seem to get it one straight first try, and wrestling with a billet / cinch / latigo combo, my son took a look at me on his way out of the barn and said something like...

Wow Mom.  You're sweating so much you're actually dripping.  That's...pretty gross.






(He doesn't tell the horses they're gross when the sweat drips off them.)

The Will & Kate Show goes to the Stampede! Plus - Bucky's birthday! Plus - Heidi goes off on a rant!

First thing I said to the kid this morning was, "You are a lot bigger now than you were when you came out." He rolled his eyes in disgust.  At least I didn't remind him that he came out with racing stripes.

Yesterday I bought the kid new shoes.  They are size 11 so he's only got another three sizes to go and he and his Dad can swap shoes.  That should save me a couple hundred bucks for a few years.  Also, last space shuttle EVER launched today.  Bucky used to draw pictures of the space shuttle and give them to his Kindergarten teacher, Miss Leonarrrrd.  Awww.  Space shuttles.  Bye.  (nostalgic tears)

Big news - THE ROYAL COUPLE GO TO THE STAMPEDE!  You know what, I give up - I love Will & Kate.  Yeah I know their little 9 day whirlwind tour of Canada is costing me - that all of us Canadian tax payers are funding this trip.  I know they didn't actually DO anything useful other than like, do a smudging ceremony (smoke!  feathers!) and eat BBQ caribou.  Whatevs.  It was very entertaining.  And she wore the same dress on Canada Day that she wore in her engagement pictures.  See?  Like a real person and all.

It's worth having them here to get fun pictures like this!

So of course the animal rights groups are upset about this visit to the Stampede.  

Listen folks.  You know me. You know I love critters.  I grew up surrounded by critters.  I am the caretaker of seven, including the two barncats.  I'd like to think my critters are well taken care of, respected and yes, loved.  I'm disgusted by animal cruelty. (Except lab rats.  I hate rodents.)

However.  Most animal rights groups set my teeth on edge.  I keep getting the impression that most members of these groups don't really understand that there is a huge massive difference between abusing animals, and living and working with them.  

For example.  Saddling a horse and riding him for a few hours.  NOT ABUSE.  Working a horse until he sweats.  NOT ABUSE.  Saddling a severely overweight horse who hasn't been ridden in a year on a 5 hour trail ride with no breaks for water while kicking him mercilessly because you don't know how to actually ride a horse and have no clue how to ask him to move forward, all the while sawing away at his mouth with a 5-inch shanked curb bit because it makes you look cool and bitchin like a cowboy.  ABUSE.  

Riding a bronc for less than eight seconds?  Okay kinda crazy but not abusive.  TO THE HORSE.  Where the hell is People for the Ethical Treatment of Cowboys????  Huh?   

On that note, here are Mr & Mrs Cambridge watching the mutton busting.  Yep, start 'em young.  

The sheep is the size of the average family dog, doesn't run very fast,  and the kid's wearing a hockey helmet. Most kids get way more damage doing organized sports.  Mind you if the kid grows up to be full-on adrenaline junkie crazy, he'll get into bull riding at which point, you can't tell him anything.  Just let him hit the ground and run a few times until he gets sick of it or can't walk without all his bones screaming.  (And he don't even have a PETofC to complain to the media about how meeeen this is.)  

Honestly, I've been to lots of rodeos (okay yes they were all Ontario rodeos so they weren't anything like the Stampede, Albertans please don't laugh at me...) and being the kind of person who just has to know everything, I like to have a good look around.  Ever seen the bucking horses load up after a rodeo?  They plod up into that trailer like nothing.  They stand there with their eyes contentedly half closed.  They have the best job in the equine world... get fed, get cared for, and only work for eight seconds.  

Also.  Horses like to work.  My hot little red half-arab half-QH was the perfect example.  He friggin well knew that the keyhole race was the last gymkhana event and he trotted in there like, "YO!  Champ is HERE people.  Here to WIN! Yeah, you know you love me!!!  CUZ I'M THE BEST!"

And another also.  Any cowboy who intentionally harms a cow or calf or bull is an idiot.  You don't harm the animals you make your living off of. Of course there are a few bad ones.  Hey, there are bad farmers and bad soccer moms too.  Nobody likes them and nobody wants to work with /for them.  

And one more also.  Seriously you see a bull rider in action and you think the bull is the one suffering?  I'm sorry, I can't help you.

Wow, A RANT! Yay!  I must be feeling better! O my gosh I wonder if I'll get hate mail!

But back to the real reason why we're here.  WILL AND KATE.  The Duke and Duchess.  The Hope For The Future of a Good Looking Monarchy.  

William.  Way to wear a plaid shirt.  Those are some shoulders, Your Highness!

I'm of the opinion that almost everybody looks good in a cowboy hat. 

But don't call these Stetsons.  They're not. They're  Smithbilt.   Canadian. 

Now it's time for one of my of my favourite Hick Chic features: WHAT ARE THEY THINKIN'?

I've been across this giant country and back in just over a week.  It would have taken two weeks to drive from one side to the other.  I've done fourteen events per day.  I am knackered.

However that overnight stay in the isolated cabin up in the mountains with no electricity was quite... relaxing.  Yet also invigorating. Yes my darling?  You are smashing in that cowgirl attire.  (If it's a girl, shall we call her Alberta???

Side note from Heidi - Prince Swagger!  I think he looks slammin' like that!  Anybody need some cattle worked?  The guy already knows how to ride a horse!

Here's a good one:

PRIME MINISTER HARPER: Darnit, even in a cowboy hat I still look slightly dorky.  Okay fine, just dorky.  I already tried public performances of Beatles songs.  Still not cool?  Geez.  Oh well, I am the Emperor Prime Minister of Canada, so...yeah.


PRINCE WILLIAM DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE PILOT OF RESCUE HELICOPTERS:  I feel so...stunningly handsome in this attire.  Shall I keep the cowboy hat, Kate?


CATHERINE "KATE MIDDLETON" DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE: Ha!  I've already arranged to have the entire outfit shipped back to our home in remote Wales where we live like normal people!!"






And since this blog is called "Hick CHIC" as opposed to "Hick No Sense of Style Whatsoever" I gotta say... I like what she's wearing!!!  Not very flashy, but in her line of work, flashy is not smiled upon.

But as much as I adore Kate - and I do, I give up, I give in, she got me - I just don't think she has enough, um, substance, uh, weight, to really make this work. To really pull off this look, I think a girl's gotta have more backside.  When have you ever seen a legit cowgirl with minimal backside? I'm not even a legit cowgirl and I've got some.  But she's got legs a mile long and makes everything else look like a million bucks so she's good.

And then poof they're gone. 

So Los Angeles, you're next.  

I know, it'll be all over the news that The Royals Go To L.A. and nobody will even know they were in Canada let alone had not one but two romantic wilderness getaways and the rest of the world will wonder why the heck their first kid's name is Canada.  But it's okay.  Cuz they were wearing jeans and cowboy hats so things are right in my world.  

Now I just have to whip up a cake for the boy's birthday, make sure he and his friends don't shoot an eye out on the "target range" and then try to find a channel with some rodeo coverage!!!  

Yee Frickin' Haw!

I can't get the right title tonight. But I have pictures. So...yeah.

My adorable funny smart odd brilliant beautiful goofy pretty bouncy silly weird amazing talented wonderful daughter, is...

17 years old.

She can drive me places now.  Legally and everything.

She is becoming quite a great little photographer.

She makes ADD into an asset.

She's a great singer and plays, like, four instruments.  (Not often enough though, in my opinion)

 Nag mom says practice.

Notice the MUSE Tshirt.  

Her giggle brightens the whole house.

She is so good with all the animals.  

She can back the pickup truck into a parking space.

If there are empty spaces on either side.

No seriously she can do it.

She can drive standard shift too but she doesn't think she's good at it.

Nag mom says practice.

She's sitting beside me right now and wants to say something...

Okay so first off, I don't play those instruments WELL... just, ehhhh. Second, I know I can drive a standard but I don't want to kill Dad's car!! It's got a very sensitive clutch doncha know. Also I actually don't have crazy eyebrows in real life. :D

My ray of sunshine.

And oh heck it's Friday, so have a small dose of Depp.

Happy weekend, people!

My 16 year old daughter is madly in love with a 32 year old English rock musician. Should I be concerned?

If she's going to be crazy about a musician, I guess it's okay to be infatuated with Matthew Bellamy of Muse.

Oh she is most definitely in love.  Her brother says she's crossed the line into creepystalker mode.  She knows his birth date, where he was born, where he lived when he formed the band and what age he and his bandmates were at that time.  She knows when his girlfriend (you might have heard of her - Kate Hudson?) will be having their baby.  She knows where the band's studio is (not exactly but general vicinity!) and she has researched their discography thoroughly, right down to live records and DVDs. So far, she owns three studio albums plus one live CD/DVD package.  She can connect a Muse reference from any conversation.  Every time she's on FB she posts a Muse lyric.  She has racked up hours and ridiculous hours on YouTube watching their videos and then when she'd seen all the music videos she started watching interviews, and now she has memorized her favourite musician's accent, facial ticks, and his funny laugh.  She has tons of pictures in her file on the computer.  (I don't know where she got that habit from ahemjohnnydepp.)

She loves him.  She adores his habit of wearing shiny suits on stage. She thinks it's awesome that he intends for Muse to be the first rock band to play in outer space. She loves his crazy fast talking, she loves his singing voice, she loves his pretty blue eyes.  Everything the guy does, in her opinion, is either funny, cute, or amazing.

It's pretty healthy.  She respects and admires his talent.  She's in awe of him, of the fact he sings, plays piano, plays guitar - quite shreddingly and energetically - as well as writes and produces.  He also fiddles with modifying his guitars and has had a hand in designing some freaky new guitars. Her guy Matt is genuinely talented.

(Yep, that does appear to be a keytar.  The guy's got guts.)

It's serious.  She is even more in love with him than she was with her first big infatuation....

Eicca Toppinen of Apocalytica.  I didn't think it was possible for a girl to be more obsessed than she was with this guy, but she's gone on to a whole other range with Matt Bellamy. Eicca is still a hero, and always will be because she is very loyal.  But Bellamy's her guy now.

I do think the kid has good taste.


And I can agree about the pretty blue eyes.

I'm partly to blame for this obsession.  I've liked this band for years and have a very clear memory of turning right in the subdivision on my way to our house when this intense haunting and rock-thumping song played on the radio.  You know how every now and then you hear a song that speeds your heart rate, stands your hairs on end and covers you in goosebumps?  And it's good?  That's what "Time Is Running Out" did to me. Other singles always got turned up when we heard them.  When That Twilight Movie came out, and I took Annyong and her friend to the theatre to see it, us three and a whole bunch more screaming girls and their mothers, and like, three uncomfortable looking guys, we were totally squealing when "Supermassive Black Hole" played over the slightly goofy baseball scene.

(Because Muse is also Stephenie Meyer's favourite band... Annyong is all, "I knew that band before the Twi-hards claimed them!!")

So I really dug this band.  Of course, me, I always fall for the bass player with the puppy dog eyes.  That's him, on the left.  Swoon.

Of course that cute little drummer on the right is adorable too eh?  Darn Englishmen.  

Anyways.  Why I'm to blame: This past Christmas I picked out a Muse CD for her.  "Black Holes And Revelations." It's got some heavy singles on it.  I hadn't heard the whole album before, and when we listened to it in its entirety, we were all impressed.  Heavily impressed.  And of course that set up the whole THING.

It all went CRAAAAAZY after that.  You know nobody does crazy like a 16 year old girl, especially when that girl is half ME.  She never had a chance.  Falling in love with musicians comes naturally to her.  Poor kid. 

Muse really are an incredible band.  They're not nearly as well known here in North America as over in Europe.  (Hey, fellow North Americans - what the heck is generally wrong with us over here???!!!)

No really, are these guys too weird for us?  They're just perfectly weird enough in our house...

Look, even Jethro is a fan of this band.  And he doesn't give it away easily.

After that, the Girl HAD TO HAVE the most recent record, "The Resistance."  I bought it but we made a deal that she'd shovel out the open shed in the barn to work it off.  Then she had to have "Absolution" so as a result I have a nice clean barn.  Total win-win.  So far, other than constantly nagging the kid to shut down the YouTube, this little Muse fixation has been okay for me!  Although, from now on she's got to bring her own money with her because I'm running out of barn chores for her to do.

Oh, and she also batted her beautiful eyes at her Daddy, gave him $20 and asked him to pay the other $10 so she could have the live package, "HAARP".

She also has the Resistance songbook.  You should see this sheet music - it's gorgeous.  Seriously, I've never seen music notes looking like art. She asked the webmaster of their site if she could photocopy it and use it as wallpaper; a guy emailed back and figured it would be okay!

She gets frustrated that she struggles to play the music.  I tell her that I doubt Matt Bellamy learned how to play Chopin soon after learning to walk.  I tell her I'm sure Matt Bellamy plays piano and plays guitar every day.  It's called practice.  I tell her if she wants to honour her favourite musician she should practice and play his music well!

I'm just trying to put some positivity into an obsession I sort of kickstarted.

But it could be worse, right?

I mean, he's quite unattainable and quite taken, so it's a totally harmless, and I'd argue even healthy crush.

He's obviously an inspiration.

He's this serious musician, slightly bad-boy as a good rock star should be, but also kinda goofy and funny.

In general, they're just a bunch of lovely young fellas, aren't they?  Absolutely charming.

Sigh.  They'd probably fit right in around here.




Most of all I approve because he's hardworking and talented.  That's the kind of person I want my kids, either of them, to emulate and admire.

Having said that, I got my stinkeye on any of those gangly zit faced punkasses in her music class.  I'm just sayin'.

HEIDI THE HICK'S 2011 JUNO REPORT!!! NOW FEATURING THE YOUNGUNS!!

Yeah I know it's about three weeks late.  Blame the intermittent net.  Anyways I'm baaack!  And I brought our kids!

We did something special this year, what with the Juno Awards being held in Toronto, less than 2 hours away from home...we brought our kids, because they have been patient with this crazy biz and deserve to have some fun!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, I officially present... OUR YOUNGUNS!

The Girl, fka Tribble, aka Annyong, me and the Boy, aka Bucky.

And here they thought we were getting to the show in a big ol tacky SUV limo just for fits and giggles... Oh hey look, guys, what's this?  A crowd of screaming people?  Cameras?  BEN MULRONEY???

But I'm jumping ahead here.  Let me take you to the Saturday evening Gala Awards Dinner Event Where We Sit With Other Engineers And Behind The Scenes People!

The actual award itself is different this year.  

Now the little glass guy is in his/her/its own little pod!

I think there are 30 awards given out on the Saturday night.  It's not televised.  That's probably a good thing since there are bottles of wine on the tables, which miraculously get replaced when empty.  It could turn into the Golden Globe Awards at any time!  Lookout!  

Generally everybody behaves themselves.  It's quite amazing considering how the music biz is full of people who are of the slightly crazy, possibly flaky, most likely unable to follow directions, probably ADHD creative artist types!  (and those types of people usually are my favourites!)

This is Kellylee Evans.  She was so thrilled with her Vocal Jazz award...

...that she started singing right there at the podium.  

What a beautiful moment!

This young lady's first name is Nicole, and since I didn't keep my program and have a bad memory, I can't tell you what her last name is.  I can tell you that she sang kd lang's "Constant Craving," and that it felt like approximately 2000 people held their breath.

And she got a standing ovation.  

The young fella with the guitar at centre stage is Justin Nozuka.  I'd heard of him, but hadn't heard him.

He's great!  I plan to hear more of him in the future. 

The evening was hosted by two of my favourite Canadian broadcast personalities.  (Is that what they're called?  What's the actual job title??)

Jian Ghomeshi and Seamus O'Regan.  Or as Seamus said, the "Persian-Irish Wayne & Shuster."  Maybe you have to be Canadian and over 40 to get that joke.  It made me chuckle.

I watch Seamus most mornings on Canada AM.  He's from Newfoundland.  Automatically likeable!

I don't catch Jian's show nearly often enough, which is a shame because I think he's awesome. I'm a fan.

Before announcing the Recording Engineer of the Year award, he called out, "So how about those Engineers?" and our entire table erupted - yes, ERUPTED - into vigorous cheers!  (Later that night my husband got a chance to personally thank him for the recognition!)

And who did the award go to?

The multi-talented, world rocking Kevin Churko.

Not only a seriously great recording engineer/ producer, but also a genuinely good person. In a bearded, boots-wearing haavy kind of way.

Four words here, people: two Ozzy Osbourne records.  

Serious admiration for this guy!

Generally, the big televised awards are what people pay attention to.  This is where the Big Stars are dragged out.  This year's host was Drake, who apparently is a really really really big deal.

I know nothing about rap, so I can't comment on that, but the guy handled the telecast hosting job extremely well!  He was charming and kept things moving, and even did a bit of singing.  Also, he went to an old folk's home to learn how to roll.  I guess.  He even brought them to show.  That was nice.

What a nice young fella.

So we snuck the red carpet thing onto our kids, which was AWESOME!  That was, for Jethro and I, the best part of the entire weekend!

Of course, the organizers of the event are very careful to NOT get us non-famous people anywhere in the line of a camera.  It's actually kind of funny how they avoid us.  

A girl on the other side of the barrier leaned over and asked, "How did you get there?"  I told her my husband's a Juno-winning recording engineer.  I didn't tell her it wasn't this year, but anyways.  And then she said, "Oh you're so lucky, you get to meet Drake!"  I couldn't help but laugh.  

"We're not getting anywhere near him," I told her.  

So my kids didn't get to meet the guys in Hedley.  Annyong especially was disappointed.

Aw well.  Can't have everything.  

However we did walk past the Barenaked Ladies!  

Did I mention it was freakin' cold that day? Good thing they weren't bare nekkid for real.  Of course, there had to be a few women wearing ridiculous outfits with way too much skin showing for a late March Canadian afternoon.  And all of these skimpy outfits were white. I didn't get to actually see any of this, what with us being shooed through the line, but I saw the pix the next day.  It made me giggle.  It's so hard to look sexy when you're freezing.  Not that I'd know.

So at one point I was looking at this man, tall guy, maybe in his 50s, with wavy dark hair, slightly grey, and wearing glasses.  Who is that man?  Do I know him?  Where do I know him from?  Entertainment lawyer?  Label owner?  Stellar musician I've met over and over and keep mistaking him for someone else?  Who is this guy?"

It was Robbie Robertson.  

Geez.  

At least I recognized Randy Bachman. 

We did have a close encounter with the Worldwide Famous...

...but I'll save that for last.

So my kids finally got a look at what happens while people at home are watching commercials.  As it turned out, not much, this year.  Forty years worth of Juno footage in 2-minute clips.  No comedians, nobody on the stage warning us about seat sitters taking our spot if we get up to go to the can.  

Down With Webster opened the show, and I quickly decided that they're one of those bands who are fun on a screen but electrifying in person. 

I think there are about eight or 17 guys in this band, not counting the dudes in the back in marching band outfits while pretending to be playing tubas.

This is the THING in Canadian music these days.  Bands with like, 23 of your best friends.  I counted eight people in Arcade Fire the first time they picked up an award, but later when they performed I think there were 11 people. Or maybe 17.  Heck it might have been 25, it was hard to tell.  

Later when Broken Social Scene played, I almost went dizzy trying to count everybody.  Ten or eleven?  Twenty-seven?  Hey that's fun and all, but maybe, when there's a guy on stage who's just clapping behind a microphone... do you think maybe somebody has a hard time saying no to their friends who wanna be in a band???

Now I confess, I'm not an Arcade Fire fan.  But I will say that they rocked the place.  I mean, I wouldn't say they rock, necessarily, but they totally threw themselves into the performance with energy and passion!

I still hate the frontman's hair.

Deadmau5 has the solution for pesky hair problems. 

Yeah we caught a glimpse of him outside before the show and I said, "Kids, look!  He's wearing his Formal Dress Head!"  Check out the look on Buck 65's face.    

And then Bryan Adams showed up to give Shania Twain a Hall of Fame award.  

There was so much Worldwide Famous on that stage that the universe almost collapsed under the weight.  

Measha Bruggergosman presented an award with two of the Great Big Sea guys, and was smart enough to tell us to protect our ears before naming the J Biebs. 

Holy screaming girls.  

I mean just wow.

The kid wasn't even there - the girls screamed deliriously at a video of him saying thanks.  Wow.

At some point we had a big medley or two.  

There are now 40 years worth of tributes and recognition and sing-along classics, man.  If we'd forgotten some of those songs and artists we were reminded.  Dude.  Neil Young was there.  In person.  

He showed up with his buddy-producer, Daniel Lanois.  Look at these two!  It's like they called each other first!  What a pair!

They even appeared to be wearing the same clothes the next day, when Neil Young received his Humanitarian Award.  What practical dudes.  They must travel light.  Smart.

That's a whole lotta grizzled coolness on one stage eh?

Hedley performed, and that always makes me happy because they are so exciting live!  

I enjoy this band maybe even more than I should.  If you get a chance to see them live, go!!!!  They will rock you and your world, at the same time!

Jacob's piano was all lit up from the inside.  Cooool.  

Tokyo Police Club were pretty good!  

They still look like they're in high school!

Two-thirds of Rush presented an award.  

What distinguished gentlemen of rock.  Geddy Lee, do not ever cut that hair.  

So to finish off the show, an interesting act called Chromeo wheeled their lady-legs keyboards out for something called, very accurately, "Hot Mess." 

What does it say about the Girl and I that we found Sarah McLaughlin's song to be nice but we thought Chromeo was hilarious and brilliant?

I mean, if this is about entertainment, this is it.  This is nothing if not entertaining.

Guitar face and everything.  They even had a line of Robert Palmer style backup lip sync/ dancers.

Remember I mentioned a big huge moment on the red carpet?  

We were standing there gawking around when a group of men in black - I'm not kidding, actual men in black with those little earpieces - cruised past us.  I heard one saying in a low voice, "...and the name is Tanya Kim" which made me perk up my ears, because I watch Tanya Kim and Ben Mulroney after lunch!  And see this picture? This is that day!!!  

And the six guys in black?  They swept past, and disappeared, and Tanya Kim was standing on a platform right in front of us with Shania Twain.

For real people, like a few feet away from us. 

This was taken with an iPhone, so does this show how close we were?  

Annyong said she smelled really nice.

Of course I suggested she have her picture taken "with her."  The kid was a big little fan when she was ten!  

Now she can say she is in a picture with Shania Twain.

And let me say, this woman is petite and seriously as beautiful as expected.  She's truly lovely.  

Bucky got in on the photo-bombing.  

I looked at this picture all blown up and I'm sure she's looking over sideways at us.  

Yikes.

After the show, the kids retired to our hotel room for cable TV and a few rowdy games of Dutch Blitz.  We'd come back from whatever label party we showed up at, creeping in at 2 or 3 am, and there were our teenagers, sleeping away.  In the morning we'd compare our evenings.  

And that, my friends, was our family adventure to the Juno Awards.  

I'd have to say, overall, the whole thing was a bit of a non-event, sadly.  I think it's a combination of shrinking budgets at the record labels, and Toronto.  There's just too much going on in the city to compete with the Junos.  And I think Toronto is too cool to be seen getting excited about much of anything.  Also?  Unseasonably cold this year!

I do hope it gets moved around to other cities again. It brings an excitement, and it's different every year. But being in Toronto meant no plane tickets, so we could afford to bring our kids.  It made all the hassle and expense of spending the weekend there totally worth it!  

(for a look at a lot of great press photos from the weekend, go to Upvenue!)