Our annual AIRPLANE TAXI HOTEL DRESS UP PARTY WITH ROCK STARS thing.

Suitcases, mostly full and hanging out on an empty bed.

Fancy clothes hanging on a hook behind the door, garment bag sprawled over the arm of the couch in the spare room.

Bathroom stuff all over the counter top, medications all over the kitchen counter top.

Boots all shined up.

Tomorrow's clothes set on the chair in the bedroom, ready to slip into at dark o'clock in the morning.

Dog resting his chin on my leg as I type this, looking veeeeeery concerned and slightly annoyed.





I have been either not able to decide what to write about lately, or else just plain not feeling like writing anything.  So I haven't been very active here in blog world.  But as of tomorrow morning Jethro and I are heading off to Calgary.  Our lovely young adult daughter will be holding down the fort for us -- well, Dobby is the official guard dog around here, but he'll show her what to do.  They'll be fine.

My official attitude this spring is, I HAVE NO CRAPS LEFT TO GIVE.  Therefore I do not give a crap.  So my horses are crusty and dirty and shedding hair constantly?  I don't care.  Barnyard is a soggy manure bog?  There's enough s**t there that I do not have to give any.  Packing for five days in a different province?  I don't give a ****  I mean, I care.  But not enough to get all twisted up over it.  I didn't buy any new clothes.  I borrowed a thrift store dress and the rest of the time it'll be leggings, cowboy boots and a baggy top.  I have gained some weight in the last few months (I blame the drugs, of course) and although it's tempting to fuss and fret over that, what-friggen-ever.  So what if my nice clothes don't fit. I have a poncho.  I'll be fine.  Anxiety over travelling and flying?  Well as much as I blame the drugs, sometimes it's nice to have a little orange bottle of pills that your doctor told you to take if you need them.

Calgary, people.  If there's one place in this whole country where you can wear beat up cowboy boots all weekend, it's this one.  I'm bringing my pretty shoes for the Saturday night dinner but otherwise, boots it is.  Jethro is not nominated this year, so the pressure is off and all we have to do is cheer for the artists we worked with in our recording studio last year!

(If you're interested to know, look out for Emilie Claire Barlow's album "Clear Day" in Vocal Jazz; Robi Botos for "Movin' Forward" in Solo Jazz; Mark Kelso and the Jazz Exiles, "Stealing From My Youth" in Group Jazz; and "Refined" by Don Amero in both Aboriginal Album and Adult Contemporary.  Yep, we did a lot of Jazz records last year.)

I'm grateful that I do feel better than I did a year ago, even if I'm not totally well yet.  I can walk a straight line and I'm not shaking and trembling. So I'm a little puffier and fluffier.  What's a little padding compared to that awful feeling.  And I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna puke up anything I eat, even if I feel like it, so hey, it's all good.

 Most of all I get to hang around with my favourite guy.  We have fun together, and I am always proud of him!  This is a celebration of this industry's accomplishments… or basically, "Hey everybody, we're all survived the music business for another year!!!"

 It's a work trip, but yeah, once a year work involves free drinks.


Hey -- want to see?  Go to Instagram and look up "hickchic" of course!

Johnny Friday - Wedding and Mixed Feelings Edition

I heard Johnny Depp got married this week.  Congratulations you two crazy kids!

He claims to be happy and I just want our Johnny to be happy.  Because he has brought me so much happiness over the years.  (yep sounds cheesy but it's true.)



She seems like a really cool chick who drives a late 60s Mustang and likes to take her shotgun to the shootin' range, and she reads a lot of obscure literature and you just know Johnny loves anything obscure, so they have things to discuss.  Plus, she's lovely to look at, if that matters.

Although… she's a little generic looking…. I mean, there are just so many pretty young blond women.  They all sort of blend.  Johnny has a type, but all of his his steady women have been outside of the norm.   I'm still biased in favour of Vanessa, with whom Johnny seemed to be at his absolute best.

She is pretty but just slightly off in a way I can't put my finger on, but which makes her so interesting and unique. She's got an overbite and a huge gap between her teeth, but her imperfections are intriguing.

Vanessa Paradis is never generic.  

It's not fair to compare the two women, but I just did, and I don't even know these people.  How crappy of me.

And are we going to talk about the age difference?  Are we?  Okay we are.  He's 51, she's 28.

gahhhhhhhhhh just paint her red and call her Ferrari.

(Sorry Amber.  I'm sure you're a good hang, but this is how it looks.)


If they looked genuinely happy about the whole arrangement, I'd be all for it.  Honestly.  But they don't.  They don't appear to be miserable, but they just are kind of there.  Of course, he always looks like he's itching and being poked with hot things when he's in public.  Maybe it's not as a result of a boring relationship.  Maybe he's just getting worse at leaving the house in his middle age.

"Yeah, we're here."

"I am the luckiest guy in the world."

Here's what really troubles me: he just has been looking not so good at all lately.

Rubbery, pale and greasy.  It's hard to uglify his beauty - and he's tried hard in many movies - and up until this last year I thought he was aging beautifully.  However, ill health does not look good at any age.

Remember when he showed up looking super hammered at an awards show recently and I said I hoped he was just good old drunk and not heading into some horrible disease that will rob him of the ability to walk a straight line and speak clearly?  Drunkenness can be dealt with.  Not easily, but it's possible.  And if that's the problem, I sincerely hope he takes care of it.  Selfishly, in fact, because even though I haven't paid to see a movie in a long stretch of time, I want him to be well and keep making movies.

I hope she is good for him.  I hope they are as in love as he claims they are.

I hope it gets easier to find pictures of them together where he's smiling.  

BECAUSE I JUST WANT PEOPLE I LIKE TO BE HAPPY, DAMMIT.


Sigh.  Oh Johnny, I'll always be willing to pull a lady out of a burning building for you.  



Geez, I just realized I wrote a whole post about Johnny and Amber getting married and I wrote about Vanessa.  Oh wow I am part of the problem.  Sorry Amber.  Please go have a fantastic career despite your husband.

IT'S JOHNNY DEPP'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!

Happy Birthday to my non-biological half-twin!

(Born seven and a half years apart, that is.)

He is now 49 years old.

(Today is like a national holiday in my home, since my daughter's hero, Matthew Bellamy of Muse, was born on June 9. And she insists that I link their very exciting website!)

I'm just going to plaster a whole whack of pictures on here, which I got from Depp Zone, one of my favourite websites.  Johnny's been roaming around lately in his own spectacular and special brand of insane bohemian pirate outlaw dandy style.  And showing off his New Favourite Hat. 

 If this acting/directing/producing/writing/rockstarring thing doesn't work out for him he could always get a gig doing style lessons.  You know... 

"Mr Johnny Depp, sir, I have a formal event to attend and I need help pairing my collection of necklaces and dangly things and scarves with my suit jacket.  What do you suggest?"

Or 

"Johnny. Having a bad hair day.  Help."

Or

"How can I maintain my brooding air of mystery while still looking charming and handsome?"

Or

"Somebody wants to give me an award for some thing I did.  What should I wear?"

Or

"Dear Johnny, I want to be me. I don't want to look like everybody else, I don't like the same stuff most people like, and I really don't even think I know how to behave in public.  How can I preserve my unique spirit and flirt with the extreme edges of socially acceptable appearance while still giving the metaphorical finger to the established unwritten rules of fashion?  Also I like old stuff.  And boots.  I really like boots.  Love, Heidi the Hick."

But in the meantime he can continue doing his thing.

Here's to many more happy birthdays!

Demi dumped his Ass-ton.

So it's official.  Kutcher messed up big time.

If I actually knew him, I think I'd likely get in his face and say, "What the hell did you THINK would happen?  You don't get to cheat on your wife and get away with it!  Moron!"

But I don't know them.  It makes no sense that their break-up bums me out.  Other than, it's awesome that a lady in her 40s married a handsome young fella and it really seemed to work.  From what we could see. But, they're actors.  You never really know what's real?

It's not fair for me to judge, but... COME ON.  Is it really that hard to stay married?  Is it harder for the Famous People? Is it different if they have to pretend they're in love with other people for a living?  Is it more difficult because all kinds of people get all infatuated with them and want to throw themselves at them?  Is it easier to wreck everything?  

Celebrity divorces are often a bit of a joke.  For us, if not for them.

Okay, celebrity weddings are often a joke too.

(Although I do think it's hilarious/awesome that she barely comes up to his shoulder.  Makes me and Jethro look a little less size-incompatable in comparison.) 

But I digress.  

As I often do.

Dashmi looked happy together.  And for what it's worth, they looked awesome together.

In most of pictures he's looking adoringly at her. (Or at her body.)  And who wouldn't?  She's gorgeous.  

But gorgeous isn't enough to hold a marriage together.  It helps.  Attraction is the magnet.  But commitment is the glue.  

They looked pretty happy in pictures.

Now it's more like this.

Oh, buddy.  You screwed up.  Baaaaad.  

I mean, really badly.  He used to be on Bruce's good side.  Used to be.

Clearly he did not think this through.  

You wouldn't want to be on Bruce's bad side.  

There are usually public statements made after a Famous People Breakup.  You know, dumb things like, "I really hoped this would last forever but sometimes things don't work out." That is the dumbest thing ever.  Really, you hoped your marriage would last forever?  Hoped???  You shouldn't make a big decision like that out of hope.  And gee, golly heck, oh shuckums, sometimes things don't work out.

Or this one:  ""I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail" 

It is true.  Marriages fail.  It happens, and for reasons that are not anybody else's business.  Yes, marriage is difficult.  I've been married for 20 years.  We've had our hard times.  People see us getting along really well and it's obvious that we like each other, but don't think for a second we haven't had our huge fights. To be fair it's usually me fighting at him.  

But here's the thing: I LIKE HIM.  He's my favourite person.  I love him unconditionally.  Just because he is who he is.  That love doesn't go away because we have a fight.  I can be angry at him and still love him.  You know what?  If he's angry at me, he still loves me.  The bad times happen, but they don't last.  We are a team.  We get through troubles together.  

Maybe I'm not the one to weigh in on this, because marriage, for me, has been the one steady constant thing in my life.  No matter what, I know I've got a man who loves me and it's been like that since I was a teenager.  Has it been EASY?  pffft.  Hell no.  If anybody tells you marriage is easy, they haven't been married.  But most good things in life are not easy, right?  Marriage is worth it.  Worth the squabbles, the conflicts involved with living with the same person for the rest of your life.  It's worth having your heart broken regularly by that same person. I love the man. It's that simple.  I love him more than I did twenty four years ago.  Amazingly.  We stuck together and that's our reward: it gets even better!

Marriage isn't a shackup.  It's a death pact.  

You think I'm kidding?  I'm not.  Till death do us part?  Yeah.  The only way this marriage ends is if one of us dies.   

Oh, and also, we get it that one of the basic concepts of being married is that we don't have sex with anybody else.  

So that's me going off on my judgmental rant, standing on my little soap box among the smoking burnt ruins of somebody else's heartbreak.

Here's a weird thing about having an office job.

This week I get clean BEFORE going to work instead of needing a shower AFTER working.

Here's another weird thing: I'm getting paid to pick up the phone.  It took me until two hours into the first shift before I realized that I actually... kind of...hate picking up the phone.

But it's not calling for me and they don't want anything from me and I only have to push a few buttons to send the phone call to where it needs to go.  And they're paying me.  So it's okay.

Another weird thing: I'm answering phones while the salesmen are selling cars.  You know what?  I could do what they do.  I could sell pickup trucks.  I love trucks.  You might already know that about me.  I love all trucks.  GMC, Dodge, Ford.  All the trucks.

I could sell you an F-150.

One of the guys decided I'm his good luck charm because I referred to him as The F-150 Guy after he sold one, and then went and sold another one the next day.

See?  I'm good with trucks.

And here's one thing that I don't think is weird at all:

I am wearing platform wedge slingback black and white gingham shoes to work.

Now you might thing it's weird, because I wear boots a lot, and I feel like me when I'm in boots.  But I'm wearing high heels and I'm walking in them.  I am driving my truck in them.  I put 'em on and I leave 'em on.  Because you know what?  I COMMIT.

Also, they're GINGHAM.  What good country girl doesn't love gingham eh?

And they were only twelve bucks.  So I gotta wear them to justify that huge extravagant expense.

Well, that and we've only got a few nice days left before fall hits hard, so I'd like to be able to see my toes.  Soon it'll be woolly socks and I won't see my toes until, like, next May.

It's kind of interesting, doing this little temporary gig.  It's been about eighteen years since I had a job like this.  I do believe this could all come out in a book someday.  That's what happens with fiction writers. Everything in life becomes potential fiction fodder.

Yer darn right I watched that big wedding!

While I'm not a HUGE ROYALIST  (my father-in-law, "Grandpar," who left England in the 60s to get away from all these things, would be horrified...) I do like the Queen.  She just seems like a really together chick, you know?

And I hear she stomps around her country place in wellies.  (That would be British for rubber boots.)

So, there ya go.



Yay, Princes!  Aren't they adorable.  Harry looks like he's snickering and Will actually looks reasonably calm.  I cannot imagine how weird it would be to get married with half the world watching.  Like, no pressure.  Wait.  Yes, PRESSURE!

Okay, so we got the princes, who are all decked up in these incredibly ornate uniforms.

And then Kate gets out of the Bentley and she looks beautiful.  It's like she got training on how to be a royal bride. Oh yes that's right... she has gotten training.  Heck, Will's had his whole life to be trained.

Confession: I squeezed out a couple of tears.  

I LOVE WEDDINGS!  (DRINKS ALL ROUND!)

My mom got to see this before leaving for work.  "Oh and her train isn't even 40 ft long," she wept, since we had been talking about how sensible Kate seems to be.  Okay, sensible in relation to your average colossal royal wedding.

This just isn't a good year to be super flashy, what with the recessions and global lack of cash.  

Pretty!  Elegant!  

By this time, Harry is fidgeting and sweating and looking like he's more nervous than the groom.  Do we kinda love Harry?  He's done some boneheaded moves but he grins a lot.  

Will didn't get to actually watch her come down the aisle but had to stand there waiting until she got right up beside him.  Is that a thing in Britain or just for royal people?  Wow.  Self-control.  Harry turned around for a peek though, and apparently said to his brother,  "Wait till you see her."

And then, also apparently, according to those who are good at reading lips, Will said "You look beautiful."  I'm not so good at reading lips but I can read dudes, and he gave her a quick but thorough looking-over.  Oh yes.  

It was cute... they sort of whispered little things to each other like they'd just met for coffee or something.  Hello darling.  You look handsome.  Thank you honey, you're quite slamming yourself today.  Oh you rogue, my dad is standing here.  Cheeky aren't you?  Ha, you just wait.  

It was a very formal and serious ceremony.  It was an hour long.  I'm twitching and trying to keep my eyes open by then. I do know one of the men in robes stood in a little crow's nest and gave a wonderful speech/ sermon, but I sure as heck can't remember a word of it.  Luckily nobody fell asleep in church while being televised.

Know what I love about this lady?  Her crooked smile.  She always looks like she's choking down a good snicker.  I also have an instant kinship with other crooked-faced women.  Her eyebrows are different, and she's unique, and besides, symmetry is so overrated. 

Then of course the ring doesn't go on smoothly.  It never does. The groom always stands there wrestling with it while everyone else holds their breath.  

Not the Queen though.  

Always chill.

Do you think Prince Philip is a total scream in real life?  He looks kind of jokey.  He also looks pretty darn good - he's turning 90 next month!!  (His eldest son, sitting right there beside him, doesn't really look that much younger... maybe Charles has had a more stressful life...!)

Oh Will, so thoughtful and serious and oh my gosh, I AM OLD.  I remember when this guy was born.  I remember when he was a little chubby cheeked toddler with yellow hair.  And now look at him.  He's tall and his hair is thinning!  He's a MAN, man!

So yeah.  I'm old.  

Another thing I like: she wore her hair down, so she looked like herself.  

I think she's good at this thing.

Let's look at this again:  

I think she looks more comfortable than he does.  

 Notice how there seems to be a proper way to hold hands, a proper way to walk?  

But no slight little wave, the twist from the wrist.  Maybe only the Queen waves that way.  What if there's a way to wave that only the Queen gets to use?

Maybe it takes a few years of being the Queen to get it right.

Lots of waving.  

 Mother, Grandmother and Step-mother all wearing proper British lady hats and nice non-offensive pastels.  

Left to right:

 I am standing beside the Queen of England.  Well done.

I AM the Queen of England.

My hat is sideways?  Mrs Middleworth's hat is too.  Or is it Middlemore?  We look like we called each other this morning.  

Well aren't they a charming group.  I'd love to know what they're chatting about in real life.  Nice wedding.  Mm, yes.  My backside is rather numb after sitting for an hour.  Not to worry dear.  Very soon your feet will go numb from standing.  Later your face will be numb from smiling.  Buck up, ladies.  

Man she must be a tough ol lady.

You know how I suspect Prince Philip to be the life of the party?  Check him out here, putting the charm on Kate's sister.  

Oh Pippa.  Watch out for that ol feller.  

So the new Duchess walks out, looks around and we can see her going, "Oh wow."  Understatement.  There was a carpet of people in front of them.  

 Then they had to do the little peck on the lips.

And these two are so racy they kissed TWICE!  Them kids today, eh?

Well I had to go out to the barn so I didn't see the next part.  I hear William took his new wife for a drive in his dad's antique Aston Martin.  

Well, sure that's cool - you know I love cars.  I think Jethro and I did one better though.  We got driven through town in the back of a 1955 Ford F-100 pickup truck!  That rocked.  

I wonder if my wedding dress still fits.  It did on our tenth anniversary, but that was almost ten years ago.  I'm not good with numbers, but this is our twentieth anniversary coming up in the summer.  

I feel another ride in the back of a truck coming on.

Heidi's advice on Staying Married for 19 Years

Yep.  Nineteen years of wedded bliss!  "Bliss" here includes a heated argument here and there (we really don't argue much), tons of laughing and a whole lot of leaning on each other when necessary.  I can honestly say it's all been worth it.  Feels good to be able to say that I made the best decision of my life when I was nineteen years old.  (A year later, at 20 & 22, we were married in the park.)

Of course it ain't easy though.

And, of course, I'm going to share my expertise.

1) Ladies.  Listen to me.  And remember this, because it is the most important thing to know.  Ready?

 He can't read your mind.

Do not expect him to "just know" what you're thinking, or what your problem is.  He can't even begin to guess.  Don't make him guess.  No, he should not be able to figure it out.  Not only is it unfair to him, it's unfair to yourself.  

2) Be honest.  Tell him the truth!  He's a man; he can take it.  I mean, you can soften it a little but no guessing games (see #1) and have the guts to tell the truth!

Example: the most evil lie women tell.  It is the most heinous lie because it comes off so innocent, so insignificant, but years of telling this lie can do so much damage.  Here is the horrible lie...

It's fine. 

Fine, my ass, it's not fine and you know it's not!  You say it's fine, and the male mind goes, "Oh, she says it's fine and that means it's fine" and he goes on with his day.  What else did you expect?  (See #1)

Other vicious lies include, "Oh nothing," as well as "Never mind."  It takes time to be honest but it's worth it.  

3) Don't tear him down.  Build him up.  Sure it's easy to tell him about all his flaws and all the stuff you want him to improve.  Keep in mind he'll get sick of that pretty quick.  We all know most of us women end up seeing marriage as an ongoing Husband Improvement Project but you married a man, not a project.  There has to be a focus on all the good stuff he's got going on too.  

4)  Get your reward system the right way around.  Let's have none of this crap where you make promises for jobs done.  Just dish out the rewards as much as possible - hey, it's your reward, too! - and then say things like, "Hey honey, you know what I think is really hot?  I loooove it when a man vacuums the living room rug.  Oooh that is sexy."

This approach works pretty good with power tools too.

5)  Remember: you like this guy.  

I think that's really the bottom line.  

I really, seriously, very much, like this guy. 

Blame it on my roots. I showed up in boots.

alright, which one of you knows what song this one is???


Ah boots.  My life would be totally different and quite difficult without boots.

Talk amongst yourselves now!

There's just so much to admire about the menfolk.

I think men are awesome.

I could look at them all day.

Fascinating creatures.

I could listen to them all day.

Men are just so much fun!

They like to have fun. They never outgrow their toys. They like to drive expensive cars and junky cars, they like to talk about machines, and they like to modify them. Most men are big kids. I love that.

Despite never really growing up, men improve with age.

You know how in the animal world, the males of most species are the most flashy and visually interesting? It's to attract the females. Makes sense.

Yep I sure do admire the menfolk. I like the looks of 'em and the sound of 'em, their strength and honesty and energy.

Men are so huggable and warm and funny and amazing.

(And that's all good cuz it really makes up for all the farting.)

(Come on, they ALL do. You know it.)