Can't put 'em up on blocks for the winter...

Business has been slow.  Theoretically I am continuing riding lessons but in reality, winter makes it difficult.

The expenses don't stop though!  The horses still have to eat, even if nobody's paying me to sit on them. It's not like they can be packed away in a garage like a delicate antique car, waiting for spring.

Not that it matters.  For years I fed horses who didn't earn their keep.  They aren't here for the sole purpose of making a living, because I am not making a living with them! Not yet!  We have them because we love them, and they bring us happiness that we can't find in anything else.  Not TV and movies, or sports, or vacations.  Having these horses is a wonderful privilege, one that comes with a cost.  

I didn't get into the riding lessons business thinking I'd get rich off it, and I knew winter would slow things down to a crawl.  So for now, the horses are just eating and pooping and existing.


And I still love them.  Even if I feel like all I ever do is clean up after them.  Even if I've only ridden a couple times since the new year.

They are so worth it!

SPIN THE BLACK CIRCLE

Oh yeah.  Vinyl.  Good ol' grooves.

What you are seeing on that turntable is... JOHNNY CASH AT SAN QUENTIN.

On the back of the album sleeve is my Auntie's maiden name, and the date: January 1970.  

That makes this record older than me by about 11 months.  I wasn't even an idea yet.

It's been years since we've had this record player working.  On the weekend, Jethro and Bucky finally tracked down a store, luckily not too far from home, that sells this obscure item known as a stylus.  They had to buy the entire cartridge, the whole black thing at the end of the arm.  Jethro didn't mind, even though it was kind of pricey (we'd already turned down an opportunity to go see RDJ at the movies because we didn't think we could shell out over $60...) because it's a good piece of gear.  Might even be worth more than the whole record player.  haha.  

We've got this nice record collection, made up of a combination of the following:

My record buying years:

-Duran Duran

-Tears For Fears

-The Clash

-Led Zeppelin

Jethro's record buying years:

-Ozzy Osbourne

-Black Sabbath

-Led Zeppelin

-Yngwie Malmsteen (I'm not even kidding)

My parent's record buying years:

-Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

-Baja Marimba Band (that is a seriously great record)

-Marty Robbins

-a few obscure gospel bands/ cousins and other relatives who sang hymns and got some vinyl pressed

My sister's record buying years:

-Bryan Adams

-Blondie

My mom's sister's record buying years:

-Johnny Cash

-Gordon Lightfoot

-Joni Mitchell

What an amazing collection!

We've got a Bill Cosby comedy album next to Cyndi Lauper's She's So Unusual.

Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet and Simon & Garfunkel, The Sounds Of Silence.

(I am going to name a critter Garfunkel some day.)

Van Halen, 1984 beside XTC, English Settlement (another great record, obscure in my neck of the woods)

Forgotten Rebels and The Cure.

INXS, Listen Like Thieves and ABBA...pick one, I had a serious ABBA phase between ages 9 and 11!

We've got a Molly Hatchett record.

We've got the Iron Butterfly sleeve but Jethro turned Innagaddadavida into a frisbee about 30 years ago.

We've got two copies of Zenyatta Mondatta by the Police.

People, we've got a Sigue Sigue Sputnik record.  I'm not kidding.


ISN'T THIS FUN!???!

It's been so long since we could play records.  We've been in this house for over two years and only recently got our stereo system set up.  This is a temporary home... we weren't even planning on being here this long.  But we missed our music.  Now we can watch TV, watch a movie on DVD, I don't think we can play our Wallace & Gromit VHS ("everybody knows the moon's made of cheese...") and I don't think we can play cassettes (yes we still have those too, how do you think we listen to all the Van Halen?) but I do think we can play CDs... there are four remotes and I'm still not sure how to turn the TV on --seriously, four remotes and I'm still getting off my butt to hit the channel button? We've got an iPod dock hooked up so we can drop an iGadget in there and listen to a playlist.

And now, WE CAN PLAY RECORDS!

Last night Bucky discovered Blizzard Of Ozz.

We'd given him the disc last year and were shocked to hear how different it sounded.  Apparently somebody thought it would be a good idea to re-record the bass and drums.  We thought it was a terrible idea and decided to ostracize that CD, promising Bucky we'd get the ol' record player fired up.

So I gave Bucky the tutorial on Dropping The Needle.

There's the hissing and crackling, and there's Randy Rhoads, and we grinned.  The record skipped.  I giggled.  "It's the real thing, kids!  There's nothing else like it!"

Jethro later said, "I played the crap outta that record.  I bought it used, and then I played the crap out of it."

Well kids, it's not perfect.  The turntable has a nasty ground hum that can be heard between tracks.  There will be noises coming out of those vinyl grooves that aren't music.

But the music is there.

It isn't compressed, it isn't crushed down into MP3 files.  It doesn't have any of that ProTooled sandpaper-on-the-ears bullcrap.  It wasn't mastered so loud it hurts.  Music shouldn't hurt.  You should be able to turn it up and enjoy it without suffering hearing damage.  Jethro has been devoting his career to making good-sounding music and making a stand against music that just sounds like a wall of fuzz.  A lot of teenagers have grown up on recordings that have been processed to death.  And they listen to slammed files with no dynamics and way too much noise.  They listen to it loud, in earbuds.  They don't really know how recorded music is meant to sound.  Half the time they've only got one earbud in, which makes Jethro tear his hair out, because he spends 16 hours a day mixing in stereo -- as in, each side has something different going on -- and these guys are only listening to one side.  They're missing half of it.

Let's face it: the entire music industry is a broken rusted shadow of its former self.  We know this first hand.  We live it.

And Bucky and Annyong go to school, stand on their little soapboxes and proclaim all of this to their misguided peers.... and are met with uncomprehending stares.

Ours aren't allowed to have a million small files of music on their iPods.  They are allowed to have like, a couple hundred, that are in big files and sound good.

So we listened to Ozzy last night.  Wine is fine, but liquor is quicker.  Tonight we'll listen to the story of Mr Crowley.  Tomorrow night we'll listen to side 2 of Johnny Cash cussing his way through a set of songs to the appreciative howls of a bunch of prisoners.

GOOD TIMES.

It is far from perfect, vinyl, but I don't think we've reached a perfect method of recording music yet in the first hundred years of the art and science.  Records are better than wax cylinders.  Besides, wax cylinder players are even harder to find than record player needles.

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine... I keep my eyes wide open all the time...

On Mind-reading and Horses and All of Us Talking About Horses!

I recently read something very interesting over on The Mugwump Chronicles.  Janet has been thinking about the responsiveness, the lightness, that we ideally want our horses to have - almost to the point that we think it and the horse does it. She wrote about the discovery that her horses always stood still for her to mount up, because she expected them to.  If any of you horse people out there haven't read this yet, go read it now.  Just go read it.  Even if you aren't a horse person read it anyways.  I'll wait. 





Okay.  I hope you read all the comments too because it really is an interesting discussion!

This is the comment I made:

People meet my horses and always compliment me on how nice and quiet and well behaved they are. And I thank them for the compliment but the whole time I'm thinking, "yeah...because they should be able to be like that and I expect them to." 

And now I'm thinking, duh. What am I expecting during a ride? Confession: they're not all well trained. (one is but she thinks she wants to forget). Don't get me wrong- they're broke. Adequately. They are just right for brand new riders: quiet and polite and agreeable. But I'm still working on lateral movement and lope departures. Collection and lightness. Stuff they should know. 

But I Don't entirely trust my training abilities. 

So. Hmmm. Maybe I don't truly believe it when I think I want them to do something. 

Because last week the one who pretends she forgot all that fancy stuff did a perfect 180 haunch turn. After months of one step at a time. Did she finally figure out what I'm asking or remember it, or did I at last make it clear, or did I expect her to get it right? All of the above?





I've been running this through my brain for a few days now.


I think about it when I open the barn doors and let the horses out for the day.  I don't lead them out one at a time.  I open the door, then let them out of their stalls, and one after the other they neatly walk down the aisle and outside.  In the evening we do the same: I open the door and holler at them, they come in like good little students and head into their own stalls where they wait for me to shut the stall gates.  The only times I halter them to lead them in and out is for practice, or if they know I'm putting them in their stalls to deworm them and they don't wanna.  (And yes, somehow they know.  They just do.)


Now let me tell you about The Loping Problem.  


For years, my half-Arab gelding and I struggled with a nice lope departure.  I'd ask, and he'd slam us into a bone jarring fast trot instead.  He did this to me a few times at shows, which was comical, as he could trot faster than most of those nice little Quarter Horses were loping. I worked on it, mostly out in the pasture field, because in the corral he seemed to run out of room.  It didn't make sense.  He was 14.3h of short bones and muscle.  He could take off from a standstill out in the field on his own.  What was going on?  I tried sidepassing him into it, trotting him in a tight circle in the direction of the lead I wanted, and I tried kicking him senseless.  

I concluded that it was me.  My friend DW had him doing dressage moves, for crying out loud.  The horse was not the problem.  Okay, he was typically stubborn but that wasn't it.  It was me.  I wasn't firm enough, I was a kinda wimpy, and for sure I had this crooked spine problem that I already felt was a problem.  My posture was pathetic and I had great difficulty staying in position without slumping forward.  


Eventually we got it together but it was always a weakness.  Out in the field or on the road, we could lope.  In the corral, we struggled.


Now, big sweet Phoenix who is a darling gentleman on the ground, is totally pluggy under saddle and we're getting some downright ugly lope departures going on.


So we have two situations here.

-they walk single file into the barn and into their stalls because I insist on it.  I had to correct them a few times but now they do it right.  I expect them to do this right.

-I had problems with lope departures with the horse I had for 17 years... and I'm having problems with the gelding I have now... and I'm realizing that I expect to have those difficulties.

(I've eliminated physical problems.  I've got a good fitting saddle and a bit he deals with better than mere toleration.  I lunge him before a ride.)

When I put a student on his back, he plods along like an old pro. He is rock solid and doesn't spook. He goes where his rider puts him.  When I lead him he walks beside me on a nice slack lead rope, he stands tied like a good boy, and lowers his head every time I say "down."

When I ride him, he's lazy and sullen and feels heavy in my hands.

So... I'm going to let him get away with that?  I'm going to let these guys train me into letting them be sluggish and reluctant?


It's so brutally simple, and geez, even slap-your-forehead obvious!  

But I get all hung up on mistakes I made in the past, and pressuring myself to be all perfeshnul, that I forget to...

 just ride and expect my broke horses to just do what I ask them to do!!!





(Isn't it great that we have this place to share our horse philosophies?)

My job involves moving horse manure. Their job involves dressing up and giving each other awards. Almost the same thing. Golden Globes 2012

This is a strange awards show.  It's like the practice-Oscars, but all the TV people get to join the party, and they sit at round tables like at a wedding, and there's booze.  I have two complaints about the show this year.

1) Nobody wore a golden dress with ridiculous cleavage, enabling me to make a totally immature boob joke.  

2) Nobody spilled anything on themselves... Are these people superhuman???? How do they not get something on them????

But they gotta do the show- up.  It's promotion, and without promotion, people don't go see stuff.  It's part of their job, even if all they wanted to do was to get paid to pretend to be somebody else.

Johnny Depp reluctantly puts on something clean and jitters his way through a presentation, clearly feeling like he's burning alive up there on the stage.  He then promptly disappears for the rest of the show.

The Jolie-Pitts spend a couple hours dressing up - well maybe not Brad so much, at least not his hair, because I suspect he's decided to just ignore it for awhile and see what happens - and stand still for the cameras  Part of the gig.  Just do it. 

 Have some small talk prepared for reporters.  Don't forget to gaze at each other lovingly/ lustfully.  Wonder what the kids are up to... they better go to bed on time... whoops, that might have been blank facial expression there, pick up a smile.

Angie has perfected her "I AM A FRIGGEN MOVIE STAR" stance.

RDJ showed up in a tux and tails outfit like he owned the place.  He really appears to loooove his job. Which he should.  He's extremely good at it.

Clooney looks like he doesn't even try, it's just there.  Is it possible he's that cool and funny all the time???

Madonna pretended to be speechless. 

It wasn't funny.

Peter Dinklage appeared to have forgotten he was at work - he was just really cool, happening and  likeable.

Tilda Swinton looked like she was from a different planet,  and I swear I am going to write an entire novel around her.  

Ricky wasn't quite as nasty-funny as last year, but I think the bar was just raised too high last year.  

And I'm going to go against almost everybody else's opinion and say that I like his suit.  It's different.  Ever noticed he has fang teeth?  The guy is a wolf!  

I think it's probably a lot of fun getting dressed up and doing the thing.  I enjoy it immensely!  But I've never been nominated for anything.  Jethro says it's excruciating and embarrassing.  But yet also flattering.  And you know what else it is, this business of getting nominated?

It's part of some people's jobs.

So at the end of the evening, they probably all breathe as sigh of relief, get the vicious shoes off the feet, go home and take a shower and hit the sack.  It was a long, tough day at work.

Something to keep in mind when pushing a wheelbarrow full of manure and soiled pine shavings across the corral to the pile on a windy day

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

And, in mostly unrelated news, the Golden Globes happen this weekend, so I'll be watching raptly to see if any of The Famous knock over a drink or something.  I mean, I know in my world it ain't a party until I spill something.  Also I'm hoping an actress wears something metallic and low cut so I can make my annual immature Golden Globes joke.  If ya know what I mean.

No seriously, take my word for it: keep your mouth shut.


(Unless you're Ricky Gervais.)

Best And Worst of 2011 - The Annual Hick Chic Awards!

Ladies and Gentlemen, and assorted Bumpkins, Hosers, Chicks, Yokels and Dudes, I present this year's Host of The Hick Chic Awards, Mr James Franco!

I had a very hard time getting this together, because I'm kind of scatterbrained, and busy, and he's, well... he's an actor/ writer/ novelist/ philosopher/ film-maker.  He's very in demand for his hosting services this year.  And, he plays a murderous performance artist (heck, aren't they all?) on TV.  I know this because I share a house with my mother, and she has this show she has to watch every day at 3 pm, and when Franco's on when I'm in the house she calls my attention to the show which I then stop not-watching.  He's very cute.

And as far as hosting big awards shows, I mean, just so laid back and calm.  The man is a tranquillized cucumber.  Coooooool.

So now that I've finally got him awake and upright, let's go.

The first Hick Chic Award goes to Johnny Depp.  What, you were expecting anything else?

BEST JOHNNY DEPP MOVIE I SAW THIS YEAR 

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

I honestly loved it.  Let's face it, the second and third instalments were a little... perplexing.  

Plus this one has a few seconds more Keef involved.  

I dare you to watch this movie and not fall in love just a little bit more with Captain Jack Sparrow.  Or want to be him.  

Charming rogue.

Plus, there's a whole thing with a girl dressed up as Captain Jack, and if you've been hanging around here at Hick Chic for any length of time you might already know how much fun that can be.

BEST JOHNNY DEPP MOVIE I DIDN'T SEE THIS YEAR:

I am really slipping here.  I still haven't seen last year's Johnny movies. I really wanted to see this.  It's the second time he's played Hunter S Thompson, the first being in Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, which was a film I found both fascinating and horribly disturbing.  Actually that was one of the movies he isn't playing up his natural sexiness.  He was twitchy and tweaky,  paranoid, drugged, and way outta control.  Bald headed and wearing white knee socks. But, with this taking place in the earlier life, it seems as though Young Hunter was pretty damn sharp.  Either that or Johnny himself is pretty damn sharp.  (Duh.)

Johnny was a fan and friend of Hunter S in real life.  What would it be like for an actor to portray a friend?  

Well anyways I didn't see it and the video store in Smallburg is close apparently due to lack of interest, so... yeah.

MOVIE I WON'T BE SEEING BECAUSE I'LL WEEP ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT AWARD

WAR HORSE

Are you kidding me? I'm all choked up now just thinking about it.  Correct me if I'm wrong but it looks like the young English boy has to give up his beloved horse to the army?  And the man tells the boy he'll bring him back home again? And this horse is such a brave little soldier? And the boy ends up in the war himself and finds his horse?  See?  There are tears in my eyes right  now.

I just wanna run outside and throw my arms around my horses' necks and tell each of them that I would find them if they got drafted into the army (but technically I guess you could say they are Mennonite horses and won't be going to war but still.)  Put a horse in a movie and I will weep.  So I am not going to see this one no no no you can't make me.

THE HICK CHIC FAVOURITE NEW BAND AWARD:

THE SHEEPDOGS!

Just so you are clear on how shallow I am, and how much I do love a hairy musician, I dug these guys before I heard a single note.  I saw a photo of them at the MMVA in June and thought, heck yes, I'd sit on the floor in their basement while they jam.  I've done it before in my past.  Rock on. 

I recently bought their record and it's fun.  Sadly, Jethro isn't totally feeling the love.  It's all a little too rough around the edges for him.  Well, okay.  I'll give him that.  Given what he does for a living, it's almost impossible for him to listen to a DIY recording and find merit in it.  It's his job to make everything sound as good as possible and he can't shut that part of him off.  BUT.  I love these guys.  

They sound their philosophy would be... "have... a good time... all the time." That would be their philosophy.  

It's like blast from the past with lyrics about Facebook invitations.  Fun!  I put on the CD and tap my foot and sing along.  And fondly remember my 1976 Nova with the brown plaid upholstery.  

THE SERIOUSLY DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME AWARD:

Me, with the DIY Detox. 

Don't do this.  

If you are on an antidepressant and you think it's not working, get medical help.  

Clarification: I did have medical help.  I knew this was going to be a bitch, and I chose to go cold knowing that it would be horrible.  I knew how horrible it was just to wean off that ****.  I figured it came down to choosing between four months of weaning off or a month of high intensity hell.   

I chose to rip that sucker off fast.  

I had medical supervision, my pastor, and my family.  I couldn't have done it alone.  

But I'm really glad I'm free of that drug.  

...and speaking of, yeah I'm on a drug it's called CHARLIE SHEEN...

FANTASTIC USE OF WORDS AWARD:

I still don't know if he was seriously cracking up or putting on one hell of a show.  

Tiger Blood.

Adonis DNA.

WINNING.

Total rock star from Mars.

Wow.  Just... wow. 

And speaking of words...

AMAZING BOOK AWARD:

ROOM by Emma Donoghue.

This is a very good book, but it is not a nice book.  It is gripping.  Scary.  Horrifying.  Claustrophic. Hopeful.  Uplifting.  Frustrating.  Angering. Thoughtful.  Shocking.  Difficult.  

I had a physical reaction to this book.  I couldn't sleep for two days and felt slightly ill.  I cried.  I laughed with triumph.  I fell in love with that little kid and cheered him on.  This author has pulled off something so challenging I am in total admiration of her... months later I'm still thinking of a detail that puts another piece of the puzzle into place.  Quite brilliant.  But not a nice book.  

WHEW!  That ended up involving various amounts of weeping and drugs and rocking and wordiness, not necessarily in that order.  

How we doin' here, James?

Well alright then, right back atcha.  Good to see you're still awake and upright.  

THE TOM FRICKEN CRUISE HE DOES ALL HIS OWN STUNTS AWARD:

TOM FRICKEN CRUISE!

Yeah, he's still got it.

We went to see Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol mostly because our son is 15 and looooves when things blow up.  Also because, y'know, Tom Cruise and all that.  I was hesitant.  I did not love MI 3.  It was way violent and made me feel kinda queasy.  I'm pleased to tell you that this movie has a few glimpses of comic relief here and there.  And plenty of badassery. 

As well as lots of gut-shaking suspense.  

Don't go see this if you have a fear of heights.

Our man Tom is now 49 years old, and although he really looks great, let's not kid ourselves, he's proudly showing all of those years.  His crow's feet wrinkles are right there in glorious high definition.  This is not a 22 year old.  Nor should he be.

But he still does his own stunts, right?

What I really enjoyed about this movie is that everything goes wrong.  They constantly have to change the plan as they go and end up on Plan E or Plan F which is comforting to me because that's my life, man!  Also, Tom Fricken Cruise can take a fictional beating and come back running.  

Cool guys might not run from explosions, but sometimes they can get knocked off their feet by one. 

THE YOU MAY TAKE OVER THE WORLD AWARD

Adele.  

Gorgeous voice packed full of more feeling and emotion than most popstars have in a lifetime.  She's so beautiful she knocks me out.  Especially now that we've lost Amy, we need Adele!  

THE "BEST REUNION" AWARD

CO-WINNER OF BEST GIG AWARD

ROCKING MY WORLD AWARD

and

HEIDI'S DREAM COME TRUE AWARD

SOUNDGARDEN

We saw them in London Ontario.  

They were awesome.  

I do not exaggerate - awesome in the true meaning of the word.  Awe inspiring.  

I'd just gotten back to the real world after spending a month in my darkened bedroom. (See: don't try this at home, above.)  I really wasn't feeling quite right yet.  I was a little shaky, pale, and kinda thin.  But  there was no way I was about to miss this.  Jethro bought the tickets while I was still buzzing and shaking.  I told him I would will myself to be well enough to show up.  

Man, Soundgarden is one of my favourite bands of all time!  When they broke up in 1997 - I actually remember driving down the street in our 1992 Dodge Spirit when I heard about the breakup on the radio - I was right bummed out, but I got it.  They quit before it turned lame.  I hated the breakup but I understood and was kinda thankful that they didn't ruin their own greatness.  But when I heard they reformed in 2010... well I guess I didn't totally believe it.  Too good to be true?

Nu-uh.  They were top notch.  

In 2005 we took our kids to their second rock concert.  It was Audioslave.  

I figured I'd never see Soundgarden live.  And Rage Against the Machine had also broken up.  We were loving Audioslave and of course, this was kind of the best of both worlds.  And let me tell you, that Audioslave show was one of the best we've seen.

BUT NOW I HAVE SEEN SOUNDGARDEN LIVE!!!

I have to stop going on about it because I might never stop, it was that big for me.

CO-WINNER OF BEST GIG

WORTH THE EIGHT HOUR DRIVE AWARD

TEENAGE DAUGHTER'S DREAM COME TRUE AWARD

MUSE at Lollapalooza

Annyong, being a seriously giddy Muser, masterminded this road trip to go see her favourite band of all time.  

And they were everything we wanted them to be, expected them to be, and more.  

Jethro was extremely impressed.  And he don't impress easily.  

Did we rock out?  Yeah!!!!  

Annyong and her friend came back from their spot at the front of the stage sweaty, exhausted, and happy.  On the way back to Ontario, they were already planning our next Muse concert. And yes, every day she gives me progress reports via their website as to how that new record's coming along...!

BEST EARWORM AWARD

Foster The People, "Pumped Up Kicks"

It gets in my head, it won't leave, and I don't want it to leave!

We saw them at Lollapalooza too.  Or, at least, we saw them play Their Hit.  From the side of the giant crowd.  Thousands of hands in the air.  All the other kids, with their pumped up kicks.

I was a little alarmed at first that I was bopping alone blissfully to a song with lyrics about running faster than a bullet, but I think I get it.  I used to have delightful nightmares about getting onto the school bus and going on an abusive rampage.  Which is weird because I had friends on that bus but anyways.  Some of us have some pretty violent tendencies buried deeply but we don't act on them.  Music can do it for us!  And in the meantime, give parents opportunities to discuss these things with their teenagers!  

 I give up. I love that song.  

But why'd they have to be so darn cute too?

BEST FAMOUS WEDDING

They seem to really like each other!

WORST FAMOUS WEDDING

Booty Boobsface and that Tall Guy.  Ugh.  

THE CRAP TIMING AWARD

Oprah, for quitting her talk show - and therefore televised book club - a few years short of the day my novel gets published.  

THE STUPIDITY AWARD

That girl who tried to claim that the Jbiebs is the father of her child.  Where do I start?

-that anybody would get past the kid's security team and bodyguards?

-that anybody would get past the kid's MOTHER??????

-that if it's true she'd go to jail for violating a teenager

-that if it's not true she'd go to jail for lying in court

In a way I feel sorry for her.  

Because there's no cure for stupid, is there?

BEST MOVIE AWARD

Wanna learn how to put a story together?  Watch this.

The backstory unfolds as we need it, the characters are so endearing, and the thing we're supposed to be afraid of is scary because we don't get to see it.

THE SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS INSTEAD OF JUST GO WITH IT AWARD

Need I say more?  

BEST FARM BOY AWARD

Cameron from Modern Family!

He's the gay guy who grew up on a farm and even though he's stereotypically fem, he can fix anything, throw a ball like a champ, and likes to remind everybody about how he was driving a combine when he was like, ten years old.  

He was really miffed that his father-in-law didn't think he could drive the delivery truck.

Aw, he's so cute and wears such nice shirts!

BEST HAIRCUT

THE DEMISE OF THE NICKELBOB!

Chad looks so much better with short hair.  I know, you're shocked.  Yeah, I like a hairy rockstar.  But his hair was getting silly.  The Nicklebob was not good.  He looks handsome with short hair.

Know what bugs me about Nickelback?  

I find myself rocking out to their music.  I can't help it.  I just can't stop myself.  

Do we still have Franco?

Okay, he's still hanging in.  Good.  

BEST ROCK STAR MEMOIR

But depending on the day, I would give it to this:

APOLOGY FOR NOT FINDING OUT HOW AWESOME YOU ARE SOONER THAN THIS YEAR AWARD

THE BLACK KEYS

I'm so sorry, guys.  I have no excuse.  I saw you perform on TV, I heard a couple songs and thought, "Hmm, cool!"  I read about your greatness on other people's blogs.  I should have gotten on board much sooner than this summer.  

I just want you to know that "Brothers"is not just one of the best albums of the last couple years, but also possibly one of the best, like, ever.  I'm not kidding.  It's so good Jethro commandeered the CD and kept it in his car for about 6 months straight.  And he does not impress easily.  YOU ARE THAT GOOD.

So, Black Keys, I want you to know that we love "El Camino" and promise to go back and catch up on what you've done before.  You're awesome.

THE NOT ENOUGH LOVE AWARD

This pains me.

I'm not loving the new Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I tried. 

Maybe it's not them, maybe it's me.  

Maybe it's that if I look back, my favourite RHCP records involved John Frusciante, and he has bagged off (again) and maybe it's that I'm really a huge John Frusciante fan, and like the Peppers but love them when he's with them.

Also, Anthony.  Oh dear.  Still handsome.  But this look.... I just don't know....

He doesn't look like my Super Hot Imaginary Geography Teacher anymore.

THE JUSTIFYING MY LOVE AWARD

THE SUPREME AWARD OF AWESOMENESS

THE THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS ALBUM AWARD

Have I ever mentioned that I love this man?

I mean, like in a fan kind of way.  I don't actually know him.  I assume I'd probably like him very much. He and I both think Jesus is a rock star.  

"Songbook" is a gorgeous piece of work.  He performed a handful of acoustic concerts in 2011. Please don't ask why I wasn't there.  It got past me.  I must stop living under a rock.  

This record is... perfect. 

He covers "Thank You" by Led Zeppelin.  Okay, please take a second to let this sink into your head.  Chris Cornell, whom I adore, singing a song by Robert Plant, whom I not only adore, but who rewired my brain when I was fifteen.  So I listen to this, favourite singer, favourite singer, and my brain explodes.  

And I had no idea an exploding brain could feel that good. 

He's as gorgeous as ever.  He's grown his hair out again.  Sigh.  That and the Zeppelin.  I'd like to think he really must love me after all, in pretend world, I guess.  

Beautiful man with the brilliant mind and vast talent and stunning, amazing voice.  

It's  a 2011 release but I got it in the first week of 2012.  

I listen to it in the dark and weep tears of happiness.  

Hey man, 2012 is gonna be ALRIGHT!

Thanks for joining me... I must go now and help Franco find the door so he can go home to work on his PhD in philoso-acting.