Friday, October 06, 2006

The truth about Johnny Depp and Me.

We weren't really separated at birth 7 1/2 years apart. We don't really share brain matter. We did not have a long conversation about the silly dream that we both had at the same time...or draw cartoons of each other...that was just a silly dream that I had while in the clutches of an anti-depressant induced reaction. Good times.

Most of the movies he made in the 90s I did not see until the 00s. I have yet to see "Crybaby" all the way through and I can't for the life of me remember a damn thing about "Benny & Joon" despite being told by a friend that yes, I was there that night, and yes, we watched the whole thing, and according to this friend I spent the entire movie sighing, clutching my collarbones and whispering "I love him." (There may or may not have been alcohol involved...)

(I spent most of the 90s immersed in babies and soon I'll tell you the truth about my rekindled love for movies and how I blame Johnny as well as Orlando Bloom and Pitta Jeckson for that.)

So why do I love this guy so much? I'll tell you what started it:
Yes, I fell so hard for Edward Scissorhands. I did have a very brief period of my misguided teenage years when I swooned for all things dark, mysterious, and melancholy. I was well out of my two week goth phase once Edward entered my life, but what an effect. How many words actually came out of Edward's throat? Twenty? This was all about the old "Speak to me only with your eyes." Robert Plant sang it, Johnny did it. My mom claims that she came with me to see this one in the theatre. I do not remember that. I was probably clutching my collarbones and sighing.

Edit (I should clarify about the pirate thing. My sister and I went to see it the day it came out. Something to do with me blubbering about Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp and waiting my whole life etc etc. This after I'd resisted seeing just parts of Gilbert Grape, Don Juan DeMarco, and Chocolat on TV because I wanted to wait and see it all. As soon as Capt Jack spoke, Sweetie and I turned to each other and whispered, "His voice!" And then I decided that I'd been living under a rock way too long and it was time to get a Blockbuster card. The rest is history.)

So once I started watching movies again, I had a lot of catching up to do. And I've realized that I didn't just love him for Edward. There's so much to love.

Who would look at these two guys and think, "Yeah, that'll work. That's good casting."

I love it that this

and this

and this
and this

and don't forget this

could all be done by one guy.

I love his clothes.

I love him when he's all cleaned up good.

I love him when he's somewhat cleaned up but rather rebelliously.

I love him when he's totally skeevy.

I love him in his undershirt!

I love him so much in this picture I just about can't see straight. Smoke coming out of anybody else's face grosses me out but for him I make the exception. Although with my emerging obsession with musical intruments I'd be slowly removing the precariously perched wine glass and delicately plucking the ash stick from between his perfect lips. "Johnny," I'd say, softly, "we must be more respectful of this precious old piano. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Now play it! Play it Johnny!"

I love how he can't sit still in interviews, and fidgets, and twitches, like he's itching to get out of there, and his face changes expression every second.

You know what? I even love his little woman, the exquisite and slightly gap toothed Vanessa Paradis. They look so perfect together.I think they should get married for real. They're as good as married. Stick a ring on her finger, Johnny. I love ya, but she loves you more!

I love how he only gets a goatee and a mustache (like the true love o my life, Jethro)

Truth is, Johnny got me excited about movies again. In a way, that got me excited about writing again. Thanks, Johnny!!!!

If he ever plays a cowboy...I won't be able to speak for a month straight. Sigh. Whisper. Clutching my collarbones.


NWJR said...

If I ever turn, Johnny Depp is definitely at the top of the list.

Heidi the Hick said...

see? His appeal is far reaching.

her indoors said...

mmmmm i wouldn't kick him out of bed!

Life, or Something Like It said...

Johnny got married last week. Yes, it's true. I expected KK to lose her mind, but she took it all in stride.
Wait until she sees this weeks post.....

Tod said...

Edward Scissorhands is a truly amazing movie. I've seen it so many times it is one of my favourites.

His Willy Wonka was inspired, (though I can't type this without laughing at the silly name.) Charlie was one of the best childrens books ever and Johnny's magical but menacing portrayal brought the character right off the page.

Hooray for Johnny!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

How do you suppose Ed Scissorhands gave himself a tug?

These are things you have to think about.

Smartypants said...

I don't think they should get married. I think they both realize married is just a state of mind.

The Adult in Question said...

If he ever came across this he would
a)think you are a pyschopath
b)call you up and be your best friend
c)completely disregard this as another annoying fan base.

I'd like to think that you guys would be good friends.

Balloon Pirate said...

You're so weird. In a very, very good way.


Heidi the Hick said...

KC- EXACTLY. If Johnny ever reads this he will
a) think I am a psychopath (it's such a fine line)
b) call me up and we'll draw funny cartoons of each other
c) groan about the way he seems to attract large numbers of weird people

Thank you sweetie, I like to think so too. I'd let Johnny Depp sit at the cool kids table up near the stage with me and your mom.

And KK.

Heidi the Hick said...

Pirate- thaaaaaanks! Giggle giggle!

Notsocranky Yankee said...

I've seen more pictures of Johnny in the past year on your blog than I did the previous 39 years of my life.

I think his allure would fizzle if you met him in person. He might be more normal than you think...

DJ Andi said...

OK, I'm gay and I still like him. I've loved him since 21 Jump Street (yes I am dating myself). He has always intrigued me. I like John Waters films (the ones that are not completely rude) but I never could get all the way through "Cry Baby".

He's appealing to everyone. Even my Mom likes him after watching "Pirates Of The Caribbean". Kind of funny if you knew my Mom. She's pretty old fashioned and is pretty reserved. Surprised she would like a pirate.

Heidi the Hick said...

indoors- agreeeeeed!

biddie- more research will have to be done on this subject!!! Maybe I should start looking for a nice card.

Tod-"magical but menacing" Perfect!

Bug- He wasn't finished yet.
I didn't get to thinking that far, I was just worried about how he'd get to the bathroom. Remember the scene where he was trying to figure out how to get his pants up?

Smarty- Y'think? I dunno. If any woman on the planet needs to make it official that her man is taken, it's Vanessa Paradis!

Yankee- and that's why his people will likely be observing me closely. haha! You're right, he's probably less mystical than we'd like to think. He's probably much like every other dad: get the kids all wound up and goofy when they're supposed to go to bed, forget to put his shoes away, fart while watching TV. Y'know. Very Jethro-like.

dj andi- I've never gotten all the way through Cry Baby either. One of these days...

I think everybody loves a pirate. Not the real pirates who actually did do the raping and pillaging, but the fun pirates. All the swashing and buckling. And rum drinking. We all love that stuff. Even mothers!

Life, or Something Like It said...

I got it wrong...They ARE getting married, but it hasn't happened yet. There's still time....

Timmy said...

I love you for this post~!

dilling said...

I am at the in-laws with a thousand and one cable channels... while I was home alone, TVLand was showing (gasp)21 Jump Street... it was awkward and painful to watch, but I loved reliving that swooning gush of endorphins that I experienced so many years ago... but I am glad Michael(and everyone else) was gone for the afternoon!

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

What I find interesting about women is this:

If they see someone who looks scuzzy, they are turned off and move on.

If they see someone who is cleaned up and handsome, suave and cool, they love him. Then when they see the same guy put on a scuzzy look, they love him even more.

I don't get that.

CindyDianne said...

ya know, I never had a Johnny Depp thing...until he became a pirate!

Heidi the Hick said...

Red- I cannot speak for all women, as I'm kinda weird. However, this is how I splain it for me:


I like 'em pre-mussed. I'm kinda lazy.

Dilling- I've never watched it! Ever! Awkward and painful! I'm skeert!

Tim, as you know, I am all about the love.

Biddie...so you're saying KK and I should be looking into the price of two tickets to France???

Heidi the Hick said...

Cindy- I think that pirate thing converted a lot of women. People. In general!

For me, it was a jolting reminder of what I was missing out on.


Well now I have to change my uhmmm shirt (drool all over it) yeah....
Halie has been watching Benny and Joon over and over and over again for a month. It is good, but one of my favorites it "What's eating Gilbert Grape" - we even got to watch it in my sociology class. He just seems so "real" in every charachter he plays, I think part of the reason he is so appealing!

Marni said...

Heidi -

Reminder! Don't forget to watch Dancing with the Stars tonight! I reminded you on another post - I think!

Let me know what you think.

BTW - every time I hear or see anything about Johnny I think of you... :) He is such a hottie! Love him!

JJ said...

He's definetely proven himself as an actor...he's sooooo damn talented! Love the Depp. LOVE HIM!

melanie said...

sighs. Clutches her collar bones.

i love him... sighs.


Redneck Nerdboy! said...


That explains it! Pretty men who are scruffy!


Butchieboy said...

Soooo, you like Johnny Depp?

Heidi the Hick said...

I like the Johnny Depp like I like the Jack White, Butchie.