The truth about Johnny Depp and Me.

We weren't really separated at birth 7 1/2 years apart. We don't really share brain matter. We did not have a long conversation about the silly dream that we both had at the same time...or draw cartoons of each other...that was just a silly dream that I had while in the clutches of an anti-depressant induced reaction. Good times.

Most of the movies he made in the 90s I did not see until the 00s. I have yet to see "Crybaby" all the way through and I can't for the life of me remember a damn thing about "Benny & Joon" despite being told by a friend that yes, I was there that night, and yes, we watched the whole thing, and according to this friend I spent the entire movie sighing, clutching my collarbones and whispering "I love him." (There may or may not have been alcohol involved...)

(I spent most of the 90s immersed in babies and soon I'll tell you the truth about my rekindled love for movies and how I blame Johnny as well as Orlando Bloom and Pitta Jeckson for that.)

So why do I love this guy so much? I'll tell you what started it:
Yes, I fell so hard for Edward Scissorhands. I did have a very brief period of my misguided teenage years when I swooned for all things dark, mysterious, and melancholy. I was well out of my two week goth phase once Edward entered my life, but what an effect. How many words actually came out of Edward's throat? Twenty? This was all about the old "Speak to me only with your eyes." Robert Plant sang it, Johnny did it. My mom claims that she came with me to see this one in the theatre. I do not remember that. I was probably clutching my collarbones and sighing.

Edit (I should clarify about the pirate thing. My sister and I went to see it the day it came out. Something to do with me blubbering about Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp and waiting my whole life etc etc. This after I'd resisted seeing just parts of Gilbert Grape, Don Juan DeMarco, and Chocolat on TV because I wanted to wait and see it all. As soon as Capt Jack spoke, Sweetie and I turned to each other and whispered, "His voice!" And then I decided that I'd been living under a rock way too long and it was time to get a Blockbuster card. The rest is history.)

So once I started watching movies again, I had a lot of catching up to do. And I've realized that I didn't just love him for Edward. There's so much to love.

Who would look at these two guys and think, "Yeah, that'll work. That's good casting."

I love it that this

and this

and this
and this

and don't forget this

could all be done by one guy.

I love his clothes.

I love him when he's all cleaned up good.

I love him when he's somewhat cleaned up but rather rebelliously.

I love him when he's totally skeevy.


I love him in his undershirt!

I love him so much in this picture I just about can't see straight. Smoke coming out of anybody else's face grosses me out but for him I make the exception. Although with my emerging obsession with musical intruments I'd be slowly removing the precariously perched wine glass and delicately plucking the ash stick from between his perfect lips. "Johnny," I'd say, softly, "we must be more respectful of this precious old piano. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Now play it! Play it Johnny!"

I love how he can't sit still in interviews, and fidgets, and twitches, like he's itching to get out of there, and his face changes expression every second.

You know what? I even love his little woman, the exquisite and slightly gap toothed Vanessa Paradis. They look so perfect together.I think they should get married for real. They're as good as married. Stick a ring on her finger, Johnny. I love ya, but she loves you more!

I love how he only gets a goatee and a mustache (like the true love o my life, Jethro)

Truth is, Johnny got me excited about movies again. In a way, that got me excited about writing again. Thanks, Johnny!!!!

If he ever plays a cowboy...I won't be able to speak for a month straight. Sigh. Whisper. Clutching my collarbones.