Tuesday, October 10, 2006

the Truth about the Horse Business

There is no horse business.

And there's not much horse in the money business anymore.

I just handed in my business plan and at this point my imaginary horse farm will be losing about $1000 each month. Oh dear. I'm not shocked at all. I've been around for a few years. I know what's going on. I'm just really disappointed that the nice little imaginary horse farm isn't so financially viable after adding up the cost of liability insurance and lawyer fees.

Remember when you could just hop on a pony and ride, without reviewing the terms of waiver that you signed before setting foot on the property on which the Potentially Risky Activity was being practiced? Times have moved on and we now live in a world where everything can kill you, where fear rules your actions, and fun is strictly regulated.

Jethro accused me of not being able to separate my emotions from my logical thinking, to which I replied, "I DO NOT HAVE ANY LOGICAL THINKING! MY GOD MAN, HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ME?"

Then we got to thinking about names for our imaginary horse farm. So far we have come up with the following:
-Ego Stroke Acres
-Giant Wank Farm
-Write Off Ranch
-Rock Star Sugar Daddy Stables.

Once we were done giggling I decided I didn't like the last one. Anything with the word "stables" in it smacks of respectability and class and, well, this blog is not called "Sophisticated Chic" is it? Also I don't have a rock star sugar daddy. I have a recording engineer...he keeps me in the lifestyle to which I am accustomed. I buy no-name ketchup.

I am not ready to give up on my goal ( it's not just a dream) to move back out to the country. However, I will be going back to the drawing board.

Truth: My motivation for getting into the horse business is purely selfish. Yes, I love to teach people how to ride. Yes it would be nice to have a few extra horses around, with extra people to give me a hand around the place. But really, I just want my horses in my backyard.

I don't even really like people all that much, the older I get. I mean, how long before I'm standing there on my front porch, cockin the old rifle, eyes blazin, hair smokin, and hollerin, GIT OFF MAH PROPITTY NAYOW!

I just want to play with my horses and write my damn novels. I'm not doing much of either right now.

(I don't even have a horse of my own right now!)

But here I am on Monday morning, before heading home, enjoying an absolutely gorgeous October day, with my kids and two sweet mares. We saddled up the ol Broodmare, who is becoming more obviously pregnant looking now. We gave them a good brushing. We rubbed their pretty foreheads and carefully pulled burrs out of their tails. We found the burr plant and marked it for death. We slathered some nice hoof conditioner on their feet. We got covered in hair in dust. I did not look like a trusted professional horseperson. I was dirty, happy, and renewed.

I will find a way to do this. I know how to do this. I know I will look out my kitchen window, some day, and watch the horses graze.

I started the outline for a new novel today.


Notsocranky Yankee said...

I hope you get your horse farm. I like the name, "write-off ranch". Isn't that the only way to justify a farm these days?

Marni said...

I hope you get your ranch, too... for selfish reasons... I want to come up with my daugther so she can ride your horses. :)

Heidi the Hick said...

I think it is, Yankee. I always had suspicions about how people were financing their horse farms. One I worked for had Dad out working in the movie biz, driving trucks. One I worked for had the man of the house footing the bills with his fantastic career.

Of course always the entertainment biz and the horse biz end up together. I mean, look at William Shatner. He's been breeding Tennessee Walkers and Arabs for decades.

Marni- We ALL have selfish reasons, don't we! Maybe that's the only real motivation...

Tod said...

Keep working on that dream. I like Giant Wank Farm, but only cos it's rude.

[I'm standing there on my front porch, cockin the old rifle, eyes blazin, hair smokin, and hollerin, GIT OFF MAH PROPITTY NAYOW!] That just made me laugh really loudly. And now the rest of the office know I'm on the Internet!

Heidi the Hick said...

Yeah, Tod, can you tell my husband comes from good British stock?

Sorry for disrupting your office, but I couldnl't help it- I had to throw that mental image out there!

Timmy said...

keep the dreams alive sweeety!!!

I love when you said "GIT OFF MAH PROPITTY NAYOW!"


CindyDianne said...

What's the truthful joke about the horse business?

How do you become a millionaire in the horse business?

Start with three million?

I wish it weren't true. I dream of the day I can walk to the barn in my pajamas and a cup of tea, pet their faces and then go back into the house and watch them graze while I stand at the kitchen sink finishing breakfast dishes.

Maybe that first novel will finance it for you! Write, write, write! ;-)

Life, or Something Like It said...

Oh, Heidi, it WILL happen! just as your dream of becoming a writer is one step closer to reality, so is your farm. I love write-off ranch, by the way. You can do it, don't get dicouraged.
You got the man of your dreams, didn't you?

Heidi the Hick said...

Well, I sure didn't know that he was the man of my dreams when you casually introduced me to him!!!

Cindy- ahhh, watching the horses graze is the best! Ok, I'm a gonna get writing again!!!

Timmy- Ah sed NAYOW! Nah git!
(but come back tomorrow okay?)

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

In my estimation... based on my experience... it is impossible to do anything you enjoy for a living. That's what we have Heaven for, I guess. Enjoy it then. For now, just try to get by!

I'm gonna go drink.

The Adult in Question said...

I love the name "write off ranch."

her indoors said...

dont give up you promised me two free lessons! get that book written we will all buy loads of copies to get the "write-off ranch" rolling!

Heidi the Hick said...

Okay. I will stay strapped to my desk, diligently finishing my business course and writing like my life depends on it.

Actually I was going to do that anyways. But now I have to!!!!