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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Despite All My Rage, I Am Still Just A Rat In A Cage

It must be so hard to be goth in the summer. Black cloaks soak up a lot of sunlight and you know how bad the eyeliner runs when you sweat.

I mentioned the other day that my Goth Phase only lasted about two weeks. My daughter was rather surprized that there was a Goth Phase in my life. Oh yes. I was very confused.



I was listening to the Cure and Ozzy Osbourne in the same day.





This also coincided with my Drinking in the School Parking Lot Phase. Or maybe it was in my Just Trying the Weed To See If It Still Does Bad Things To Me Phase. It's all blurry now.






Anyways, I have this little dark side going on.
And today I'm giving in to it. Why ignore it. It's there. It's part of me. It's right in there with my love of the sound of a hot Chevy V8 with cherrybomb mufflers and dual exhaust. I got shades of all shades.

I realized that on My Other Blog that my last two subjects have been a film about a perv poet in Restoration period England who rots himself to death, and a record by a band fronted by a pale sharp jawed man who reminds me of Morticia Addams. And I'm about to write a review of an incredible book that I just read about magic in England in the early 19th century. Lots of mist and muttering and insanity. I find it all oddly comforting.

I think I'm having a crappy summer. I'm gonna admit it. My horse is dead, my yard is a mess, I'm broke, I still can't drive out to the farm without a paralyzing panic attack, and it's the middle of August and there might not be any time away for the little Jethro & Heidi family.

Nothing life alteringly traumatic, just crappy. Really damn crappy.


It's high maintenance to be truly extroverted with the gloom though. I can't be bothered to go hard core misery with this. I can hardly even get dressed.
So, maybe not so much deathly Goth as just Emo.

23 comments:

CindyDianne said...

Goth I understand, Emo I don't.

I do, however, understand the distress of having a mess of a yard, being broke and it looking like the get away may not happen.

I wish I could make it better.

JJ said...

A little crap every now and then helps us appreciate the good times.
Or so I try to tell myself...

Robert Smith rawks.

So do the Violent Femmes for that matter.

Heidi the Hick said...

This is my out of step with the hip people understanding:

Goth=wailing at the gates of the cemetary

Emo= wailing at the door of the music store.

I'll be okay. I always manage to pull out of the pit, it's just harder some days than others.

And it's true: it can't be good all the time. There has to be crap times to make the good better.

The dark side makes the bright side shine.

Hey that was pretty good....

Life, or Something Like It said...

The dark side makes the bright side shine. Perfect. This too shall pass. A bbq with good friends might be just what you need. I miss you..

The Adult in Question said...

I had a "punk" phase...it consisted of hanging out with guys a couple years older than me, some plaid capri pants and pink converse sneakers....Very lame. Oh yeah and the black and purple hair. I have been since told it's very cliche. Never Again.

Heidi the Hick said...

Biddie, I agree. I think a Large Man making me some BBQ would help a lot.

KC- you're kinda punk on the inside. That's all you need.

THE DARK SIDE MAKES THE BRIGHT SIDE SHINE!

LESS HATRED MORE HAY!

dilling said...

Phases and stages...we all had them, have them, sometimes regret them... grief compounds all feelings into jagged things... even the good times hurt when you are grieving...I wish you could get away...if I wasn't so far, you could come here and watch the waves...and the hookers. Healing and hysterical. Two vacations in one! If circumstances ever allow, my home is open to you and yours...

Heidi the Hick said...

Dilling, that is a sweet offer! I'd go for healing and hysterical anyday. It's those opposites in life that keep me going.

Timmy said...

((pats your pretty pink head))

HUGS!

hang in there kiddo!

Smartypants said...

Heidi, I know someone with a nice 8 year old arab mare for sale....

= )

Heidi the Hick said...

Hmm...I might need a trip to Texas.

Hey! Texas!

CindyDianne said...

Come on down! You'll love it...in about 6 weeks anyway! ;-)

I'll put ya up!

Heidi the Hick said...

Hey, they allow anxious panicked depressed fuzz haired metal head short round bummed giggly freaks in Texas, right?

dilling said...

i used to live in texas, too...if they allowed me in, well then, anything goes

Heidi the Hick said...

You guys are all awesome. I have to go to bed. G'nite.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Goth is hot.

Old Scrote said...

Take the advice of an old scrote, Heidi. No matter how black things are, they can always get worse.
You know me: always trying to find the consolatory bon mot.
Hugz
Jake

KSHIPPYCHIC said...

If I had a really cool magic marker, I would color you totally pink and try to cheer you up, butit would have to be a really long marker. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs...

Balloon Pirate said...

Don't fight the feeling.
Let yourself sit with it.
Feel it, and let it pass.
And remember that feelings are not reality.

Yeharr

Heidi the Hick said...

Goooood morning.

Bug's Butt- yep that's me. often lukewarm but sometimes hot. I'm not cool at all.

Jake- you know, that is true. You should write greeting cards. I'd buy those.

Beck- that would....REALLY TICKLE! Thanks for the giggle and a funny visual!

Pirate-thanks. It is what it is.

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

I think that moody thing is going around Heidi. Is there a planet alignment of some sort right now? Is MARS in RETROGRADE??

I've had the worst two weeks of my life just these past two weeks so... I am with you on this.

Love always.
Jas...

The Adult in Question said...

Did you know that Robert Smith does a song with Blink 182...I kinda like it. Before that I didn't know who Robert Smith was but I did know about the Cure.

Heidi the Hick said...

KC I'm glad you know who Robert Smith is now. He is the Goth Father.

Redneck- Mars makes me so ANGRY! haha