I can't get the right title tonight. But I have pictures. So...yeah.

My adorable funny smart odd brilliant beautiful goofy pretty bouncy silly weird amazing talented wonderful daughter, is...

17 years old.

She can drive me places now.  Legally and everything.

She is becoming quite a great little photographer.

She makes ADD into an asset.

She's a great singer and plays, like, four instruments.  (Not often enough though, in my opinion)

 Nag mom says practice.

Notice the MUSE Tshirt.  

Her giggle brightens the whole house.

She is so good with all the animals.  

She can back the pickup truck into a parking space.

If there are empty spaces on either side.

No seriously she can do it.

She can drive standard shift too but she doesn't think she's good at it.

Nag mom says practice.

She's sitting beside me right now and wants to say something...

Okay so first off, I don't play those instruments WELL... just, ehhhh. Second, I know I can drive a standard but I don't want to kill Dad's car!! It's got a very sensitive clutch doncha know. Also I actually don't have crazy eyebrows in real life. :D

My ray of sunshine.

And oh heck it's Friday, so have a small dose of Depp.

Happy weekend, people!

The world didn't end! Great! On with previously scheduled barn chores, pirates and rock stars. As usual.

WARNING: This blog post contains regular digressions and subject changes which may be unsuitable for some.  This blog post will include pirates, legal drugs, and Beyonce.  Reader discretion is advised.



I'm feeling wretched these days due to a medication adjustment.  Why is it that the drugs meant to make one feel better can make one feel slightly better yet also not quite right, and which will certainly make one feel ABSOLUTELY AWFUL during withdrawal?  I don't want to move, just in case the persistent low grade nausea turns into something urgent  If I hold real still the dizzies won't git me.

There is one upside to this situation. I can hold real still with a Mac in my lap.  WRITING.  And this is very, very good.  I feel super guilty about the work I'm not doing.  But I can give the brain-movies more attention.  I have like, two novels and a Hick Chic Guide on the go.  ADHD anybody?

Damn anti-depressants.  Can't live with em, can't be a rational human being without em.  Oh well.

Here's something else that makes my life bearable: I have teenagers!  Man I'm telling you, teenagers can be so helpful and useful!  They can be trained (if started early enough) to do various household chores like laundry, cooking (yay!) floor sweeping, and sometimes, putting away of stuff.  They can also carry out barn chores, which is wonderful.  They can operate the big lawn mower.  Best of all, they can be taught to drive!  Yes, I have MY OWN DRIVER!

My girl Annyong (Hello!  Annyong!  Hello!) took me out on Friday evening.  We ate ice cream cones while sitting on the wheel humps in the truck box.  While talking to two teenage boys.  It was like history repeating itself and was fun but strange.  (Do othermothers eat ice cream cones in the truck box with teenage daughter and boys she goes to school with????)  Then she drove me to the movies.  Actually before that she drove me all over town, put gas in the truck, and parked it in several locations.  Good little country girl.

We had to go see our beloved Captain Jack.  See what kind of trouble he's causing now.

Oh Jack.  You ARE trouble.

So was it good?  Pffft yeah!  You know I'm not gonna hate it.  The kid and I laughed all the way through it.  We cheered when Blackbeard showed up with his beard all lit up and smoking.

We squealed when Cap'n Jack got a talking to from his ol' man!  

We whispered to each other about the awesomeness of the unstoppable Captain Barbossa.

Also I have two words for you: KILLER MERMAIDS.

Vicious eh?

So that was fun.  We stuck around for the credits like we do.  Did you know this story is loosely based on a novel of the same title by Tim Powers?  Years ago I read another of his novels called The Stress Of Her Regard.  Freaky heavy.  Blew my brain.  Let's hear if for novels.  Yaaaay!




On Saturday I totally forgot about the whole world-ending thing.  Not that I was worried.  I figure if/ when Jesus wants me he'll come get me.




When he's darn good and ready.


Not when I am.


Have I mentioned The Corral Project?   We got some rain, which drained nicely through the gravel, followed by a good solid day of sunshine to dry everything.  Sunshine has been rare this year.

Just a couple squishy spots left, but that's understandable considering the weather.  My ol' man's lived here all his 68 years and says he's never seen it this wet.

I'll be describing in great detail the whole story of this Project.  I'm thinking a whole series of posts.  Those of you who are thinking about what your horses are walking around on will want to be in on this. I hope you like dirt.  I like dirt.


For the rest of you, how about some Beyonce?

(I got these pictures from Go Fug Yourself)




The Billboard awards happened last night.  Beyonce got some kind of Best Everything Of The Millennium award, and who can argue?

I mean, she's the girl from your high school that you would have, could have, should have hated because besides being drop dead naturally gorgeous, she's also super ripped fit, she can dance, she can act, she sings like an angel, as well as sings like the devil when she needs to,

she's totally sexy without being skanky, and she's smart.  She's no dummy.  Hate her yet?

Well you can't because she's also a cool chick.  She's actually kinda nice.  But not too nice.  Just nasty enough to be fun and get the dirty jokes, but probably wouldn't tell them because she doesn't use swear words.  So you can't hate on the girl out of jealousy, because she's not using all her talent and skill to make you feel like crap in comparison.  She just IS.

Also she works her ass off so you can't even chalk it up to luck.  See?  Unhateable.


After her performance, which had something to do with women running the world,  I said, "Wow.  I feel so empowered."  Jethro said, "Yeah, I feel... something...  too."





The rest of the show was weird but we made ourselves sit through it.  Annyong and I missed the first twenty minutes, which Jethro said was the best EVER because Britney and Rhianna did a thing and apparently it was the best thing EVER on TV.

I looked up pictures today.  It looks like there was a pillow fight involved and what's with men and pillow fights? We women don't pillow fight with each other in real life.  It's just in your heads, guys.  Sorry.



Rhianna is so beautiful it's like she's not from this planet. She can even show up in an outfit like this and still look pretty.

Later Ke-dollarsign-HA did a strange and slightly disturbing thing with red-clad male dancers with horse heads and machine guns, and then a big cannon with handlebars which she rode and blew confetti out of.  Also instead of pants she was wearing hot pants and fishnets.  Why are all these young pop stars afraid of pants?  I'm getting bored with crotches.


Also boring: Black Eyed Peas.


Later will.i.am declared that many new artists are "born in the studio" but can "barely perform live" which almost made me choke.  Instead I laughed bitterly.

Let me also mention that this is the guy who, in an acceptance speech at this show, thanked technology, and programmers, computers, blippy things with cool flashy lights, etcetera, or something like that, while at home in our living room with questionable furniture left over from the house we had to sell sold, we yelled at the TV, "WHAT ABOUT THE RECORDING ENGINEERS WHO RUN ALL THE BLIPPY THINGS AND ACTUALLY MAKE YOUR DAMN NOISE INTO SOMETHING THAT CAN BE LISTENED TO IN A RECORDED FORMAT?!?!?!?"

Or something like that.  While I chuckled bitterly.

Then he introduced U2 as his friends and inspiration.

Also he was wearing one of his awful Ken-doll robot helmet-wigs.




Britney was sitting with her outlaw-looking boyfriend and looking shocked and befuddled by everything.  Eyebrows up, mouth open.  Girl, I know it.  I looked and felt the same.  I just didn't get it.

Dude, CEE LO GREEN.  Love that guy!!!!  Just love him.  The giant rhinestone cloak, the silly sparkling fake piano, which floated and flipped, and man, his voice.

Is he the best?  Yeah he's the best.

Speaking of sparkly: Taylor Swift wore something sparkly.  Again.  I still hope that kid stays real and as long as she keeps on taking the high road she can spend her entire career in sparkly evening gowns and I'm okay with it.


You could tell who was singing live by the bad notes.  Hey man.  Props for singing live.  Lady Antebellum sounded genuinely great.  Mary J Blige was excellent as always.

Nicki Minaj, who I think is absolutely adorably cute (I LOVE HER HAIR)  was live but I generally don't get rap so I have no comment.  Although Britney got trotted out again to do a thing with Nicki and sounded... just like she does on the radio!!!!  Hmmm.

Here's the thing about Britney: she can schlump around in rubber flip flops, looking like she's been on the couch eating cheesies for two months, then show up to one of these with glowing skin, flowing hair, her body all fit and slammin' and I don't know how she does it.

Maybe she doesn't either.

I hope she's okay.  She seems like such a nice girl.



OH.  Then Neil Diamond.  Yes.  I have a soft spot for the man for several reasons.

1.  My Cool Young Auntie used to looooove him so I played her Neil Diamond records at Grandma's house.

2. Aging nicely and gracefully.

3. His voice, decades later, is as rich and perfect as ever.

So what did we get?  Singalong with Neil?!?  NO kidding... there he is grooving along to a totally unenthusiastic karaoke track, doing his best to bring the energy cuz he's a PERFESHNUL while the audience waved their arms and tried to stay excited about Sweet Caroline.  Gawd.  Robot music.  Doesn't Neil deserve better?  The man used to wear sparkly jumpsuits for crying out loud!  He's an ICON!!!  Actually that's what the award was for.  For being an ICON despite him saying he wasn't quite sure exactly what that meant.


So all bummed out about Neil being so great but the robot music sucking so bad, we got ready for bed.  Watched the lightning outside, the horses being loopy in the corral, and then gaped out the windows at the SIDEWAYS RAIN.  Thinking about Bucky who was camping with the youth group.  He's got an air mattress... maybe he could float... I hope those boys escaped their tent and hung around in a trailer.   And then there was hail.  And then by the time my teeth were brushed, all was reduced to chilled out little raindrops.


And the world did not end.

We're still living with the grandparents.... still not sure if we'll have work in a few months... don't know if there will still be a music industry by then, or if it will rain all summer and nobody will want to ride horses... never know when nature will take out your whole township.... but the world didn't end.

So.  I'll be taking my fuzzy head and pukey belly out to pick up horse poops in the corral eventually today.

Can't talk. Pillaging.

Yep.  Reeeeally busy.

So about that auction on the weekend...

No, we are NOT the new owners of a nifty little piece of land on a dirt road.

Yes, it sold for a reasonably low price.  No, I did not cry!  It really wasn't the right place for us, and we knew that.

But.  I still took on my first try at BIDDING!

For the first time ever, I bid on something and I got it!  Does that mean I bought it or I won it?  I never thought of it that way before.  You'll hear about that later.

The second time I bid on something... well I got that too.  Before we all start thinking I'm real naturally good at this auction bidding thing, I have a feeling I got my stuff because nobody else wanted it.

Also I ended up bidding against myself at one point.  So I laughed along with all the ol fellers and said, "I'm new here!" which wasn't totally true because I've lurked at these events since childhood.  The seasoned bidders make it look so easy!!!!

So what did I get?

A big ol hay wagon.

Here, the Farm Pug shows off the new implement.  

You know, cuz if you need hay, it's handy to have a hay wagon. 

Plus when I finally organize  HICKSTOCK, the biggest live show of local country-punk-metal bands, I have a stage.  

More later.  I have more.  Later.

THE SCALLYWAG

Pirate, thief, burglar.  VARMINT.

I've got an uninvited guest in the barn.

He's got whiskers and a striped tail like our cats, but he is not a cat.  He has little hand- paws.  

He's a sneak.

Where is he? When I turn off the radio, to listen to the sound of the horses chewing, I can hear something else, and I'm not the only one.  We can all hear him sniffing.

We know if we wait long enough he'll be coming back.

If I hold still long enough, he'll think I'm just another inanimate object in the barn aisle, and he'll sneak his way towards the cat food bowls, where Larry and Moe wait to tell him off.  

You think you know what racoons look like, but to see one for real, this close up, is a surprise.  It's not a cat.  It's not like a dog.  It's not what you expect.  The ears are rounder, the eyes are small black marbles close together in the wide pointy face. They are cute, but somehow, wild and kind of horrifying in an indescribable way.  (You should click on the picture to see this face.)

You don't realize what those tiny shiny black eyes are like until you get this close, and you'll only get this close by waiting quietly, then standing so still, only your thumb moves to touch the button on the igadget to take the picture.  The only sound you can make is breathing.  I was this close to an animal who'd prefer not to deal with my kind.  This is not a cute pet... it could be rabid, it could be defensively dangerous. 

And they're just a nuisance.  They steal anything they can get their little hand-paws on.  And they crap.  They crap dog-sized turds anywhere they want, usually where we don't want it.  They take stuff apart.  They can take garbage can lids off, they can reach into containers; nothing is safe from a determined racoon. 

I wish I didn't kind of admire them.

I mean, look at the little scamp.  "What's in here?" Curious, and clever.  

Indecisive too, and I can sure relate to that.  

And I'm sorry, but he's so cute here.  Without the glint of those close set eyes, he's an endearing ball of coarse fur.  Little bastard.  How is it that the ultimate criminal of the animal world has a mask on his face?

Persistent, too, which is usually admirable... damn you, pirate critter.

Most critters would literally high-tail it after tipping over the pail, but with his stealthy nature, he slinks away dragging his jail-striped tail behind him.

Persistence, or just curiosity? He can't stay away.  He's got to come back.  It's what he does.  He's got to go get that illegal prize, whatever that prize is: cat kibble, garbage, it doesn't matter.  

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I actually DON'T gotta get down on Friday.

Hey everybody, it's time for another Friday Brain Scramble!  I'm indecisive and ferhuuddled and easily distracted. Like, I can't even remember what I planned to write here - that's how confused I get.

Anyways.

My week has been mostly involved in my Great Corral Renovation Project.  I will write a whole big series of posts about the topic, but for now I'll sum it up like this:  Two weeks ago I had a 100' by 60' patch of sticky clay mud and deep s*** which became a hill of runny yucky stuff in the pasture field and then turned into a rectangle with some uneven gravel in it.  Now instead of sinking up to the pasterns in the yuck, the horses are tiptoeing across the rough stone, but not often, because I've been keeping them out of it.  I don't want to shovel manure off the gravel.  Are you kidding me?  Why not try to dig a hole in a box full of packing peanuts? NO.  The Project isn't done yet.  It will involve a few more tractor jobs.  Have I ever mention that I really like tractors?

Also my week has been full of lethargy and apathy.  It's like the ambition part of my brain just does not care.  Somehow I've been getting things done, but it takes a lot of catching up after that two hour nap before noon.  Hey gimme a break!  I wake up at 5:30 or 6 every morning to go take care of critters and young people!  I need that nap!

Speaking of which: I grind my teeth when I sleep and I'm not happy about it.  I got some little mouth guards, thinking I'd like to keep what's left of my tooth enamel.  If I put them in upside down I've got a Bubba Gum.  Be the capn of a shrimpin boat.  Tiger shrimp.  Buttefly shrimp.  Cajun shrimp.  When I take the thing out in the morning the little ridged plates that sat between my molars are all mangled and malformed and damaged.

I don't know where I was going with that.  Just thought I'd share.  You're welcome.

I hope nobody phones me.  I'm having phone phobia.  I hate when that happens.

Unrelated note: This weekend we'll be going to an auction sale...  I have such incredibly mixed feelings about these events but I cannot stay away!!!  I'm insane too.  Wanna know why?  I mean, shy specifically?  It's because I'll be there to see what stuff sells for instead of buying anything.

It's one of these auctions:

WE'RE GONNASELL EVERYTHING ONTHEWAGON and then we're gonna SELL THE WAGON.

Only tomorrow it'll also be:

WE'RE GONNA SELL EVERYTHINGON THE FARM and then we're gonna SELL THE FARM.

We don't have 20 G to put in the auctioneer's hand tomorrow.

I'd really like to buy a hay wagon.

Plus there's a nice John Deere 1120 with a loader bucket.  I could really use that.  You know how I like tractors.

So we're basically going to an auction to torture ourselves and watch stuff we like/ could use get bought by other people.  And I'm telling you, if that little 6 acre farm sells for a low price I WILL CRY.  Yeah I'm not kidding.  Cry.  Even though it isn't the perfect place for us, it's really cute and I could love that quirky little old farmhouse.  And the small hip roof barn.  And the crick.  The place has a crick.

Anyways.

What?

My favourite scallywag is returning with more swash and buckling!

He's back.

I knew he couldn't stay away long.

He brought along a guy who looks like ol' Captain Barbossa, but can't possibly be him what with the fancy high toned threads.  Isn't he supposed to be all filthy?  Can't be him.

He also brought along BLACKBEARD!  

And...mermaids?  

(I think they're naked.)

And it looks like the inevitable has happened: one of his ex-girlfriends has tracked him down.  This could get interesting.

(Haven't I seen them together before somewhere?)

Looks like he's still as saucy and cheeky as ever.  And troublesome.  And incredibly dirty.  

Just how I like him.

See you in a couple weeks, you drunken rum chugger.  

They really need to stop backlighting this kid.

It's just not fair to his ears.

This guy, however, can be backlit, because...he's exempt.  From most rules.  

(oh come on, don't tell me you haven't been watching American Idol, just out of curiosity.  Admit it - you cannot look away!!)

What Horses Were Built For