Wednesday, December 21, 2011



Feeling festive?  Not feeling festive and actually feeling quite miserable?  Either way -- especially if you're miserable -- let's party blog-style! Let me show you around.  Don't let the cat out, and look out for the spinning yelping Pug. I've been totally busting my butt to get this place all prettied up.  I mean the photo shoots were an event, blah blah blah.  But it was all worth it.

You can kick off your boots here.  

I hung up some stockings for you.  I can add more!

Okay, just hang on, do you LOVE my wallpaper?  It's VINTAGE!  My whole house is vintage!  I just knocked a layer of dust off and moved in!  Totally authentic, man. 

So yeah, I found these old chairs in the hay mow and don't they look lovely now?

I'm feeling particularly fond of anything angel-related these days.  (Some of you already know why!)

Need a drink?  Cupboard's over there, help yourself to a glass.

Let's have a toast.  Why do we call it a toast if there's no actual toast involved?  Well what the heck, I'll drink to that anyways.  

Here's to... all of us!

Alright, let's cut the crap here.  There are some of you out there who aren't really feeling it.  

Yeah, I see you.  

Come over here.  

Step into this quiet room, all of us.  

Honestly?  This time of year can be a real bitch, am I right?  

Let's just fess up.  Some of us have reasons to dread Christmas.  I personally feel pretty rotten about this, because A) I am a Christian and this occasion marks the beginning of, well, everything, and B) because it's my fricken birthday, so I should be thrilled and happy and insufferably joyful.  I should be.
I'm not always, though.  

I loved Christmas when I was a child.  Mom did a great job of sheltering us kids from the nasties of life.  All I knew was, there was a fake tree in the house covered in shiny stuff (Oh Shiny!) and everybody gets presents on my birthday!!!!!!!

But then I went and grew up and had to deal with the pressure to shop and give and spend and cook and clean and decorate, and oh my gosh, wrap presents straight and with minimal amounts of scotch tape. And the pressure to be merry.  

I hate the commercialism. I've never in my life had a comfortable amount of money to live on.  I don't know what it's like.  And when the world is telling you to SPEND or else everybody will know you don't love them... it's awful.

Oh but there's more.  

Some of us are dealing with mental health problems, or physical health problems.  Or both.

Some of us are grieving.
Some of us are alone.
Some of us are homeless.

Well guess what.  YOU CAN BE THAT HERE.
Because hey, life isn't fair, people.  It just isn't.  


We're ok...

We are breathing.  
If that's all we've got, that's something.

And for me, I've got to remember why I'm celebrating in the first place.  

This guy.

(that's supposed to be Jesus by the way, as opposed to that totally philosophical dude you sat beside in the train station.)  (wait a second...?)

And if you're not into Jesus then you can look at Christmas as simply Peace On Earth.  We could all use that right?  

So let's not be fake -- you are feeling how you are feeling.  You're allowed that.  
We're gonna be okay though.  



Here's a big virtual hug and a virtual kiss on the forehead and now take a deep breath, and let's get out there and DO THIS PARTY.

Here, have some Pigs In Blankets.  I don't know why we call them that.  They don't look like pigs or blankets. But it's all zero-calorie in Blog World, so eat up!

Have some veggies.  Why are veggies and dip called crudités?  Why????

Don't ask.  Just dip and eat.  

Party always ends up in the kitchen, doesn't it? 

Luckily there will be no dishes to wash!

You know how the big trend now is to make these tiny little burger things?  Sliders. That name really bothers me.  Like this food is so small, you can just slide 'em down your throat.  Fifteen of them.  Who cares, they're just tiny.

And here they're totally imaginary so go nuts.

Would you like to see the library?  I've been working on some renovations.  It's not quite done yet.  I still have to finish the skylight, and then do a good sweeping and dusting. But I think it's coming alone nicely.

I'm going for that "haunted chic" look.  How'm I doing with that?  
All I know is, I finally found room for all my books!!!

You must be worn out from touring my big old house.  Have a seat.  

You know what you need right now?

It's a new recipe this year!  

Fancy, eh?

Go ahead!  Even if you can't stand the stuff in real life, you will love Blog Nog!  So sweet!  So... noggy!
 And still with the name thing - why the heck do we call it egg nog?  What's a nog?  Where do all these names come from?  Pigs on Blankets with a Toast of Egg Nog.  

The heck?

Watch out for this stuff.  I think it might be embellished.  Enhanced.  If you know what I mean.

I'm just saying it doesn't look as innocent as the other mug of nog!

Of course we'll need some rum for the pirates.

Look at that eh?  Like magic.  I say RUM, I get pirate.

(Ain't he a nice present for me?)

And now you need to use the bathroom.  Party always ends up in the bathroom.

I get it.  This bathroom's so nice I never wanna leave either.  

Random Shiny Thing:

Let's go outside for some fresh air.

We can visit The Girls.

HI GIRLS!  Aw, they're all smiling at us!  

Let's go for a ride while there's still snow on the ground.  Snow is prettier than mud.  

Well ok, I'm cold now.  

Time to warm up! 

I'll just be here with my butt beside the fireplace for a few minutes.  

HEY can we get somebody in here who knows how to play this thing?

And who's got a lyric sheet for "You're a Mean One, Mr Grinch?"

I want you to drag out all your favourite offbeat, alternative, funny Christmas songs.  I myself will be searching for my Spinal Tap "Break Like The Wind" record so we can play "Christmas with the Devil." Oh easy now, it's all very cheeky.  Who's got some AC/DC?

We need to sing.  Hint: Happy Birthday.

Now I expect that comments section to be hopping harder than a mosh pit.  Crash this party.  Invite all your friends.  Have a nice little escape from reality and you don't even have to dress up or drive home afterwards! Or stagger home with your arm over somebody's shoulder, if that is the way you roll.  (I don't roll.  I rock.)


Oh, and, also?  Merry Christmas, whether you like it or not!


Heidi the Hick said...

KNow what? I think this is the 6th annual blog party.

Damn I'm getting kinda good at this.

Heidi Willis said...

You ARE good!! This makes me both sentimental and laugh-out-loud hysteric. You are so funny!! And also, sentimental.

I brought the rum... does that mean I get to hang out with the pirate. Hey - he was on my blog today too!

And that library... that is both the coolest and freakiest one yet. I miss Kerri. I think that's totally the kind of library she'd hole herself up in!

I think I'll just sneak some champagne and one of those pig blanket things. Okay, a few of the pig blanket things. Oh heck, lets just dump the platter in my purse. No one is here yet to notice! Nom nom!!

I'm going to wander around looking at your vintage wallpaper for a while. And figure out how you get such impeccable decorating taste.

mugwump said...

I'm sneaking a glass of Blog Nog, taking the hug and sitting quietly under the tree in the library with a good book. Hmmm, it's about angels.
Merry Christmas Hick hic

Heidi the Hick said...

Heidi - Pirates all round!

Yep, I'm sentimental. Emphasis on mental...

I totally thought of Kerri in that library. I must email this to her.

You asked about my impeccable decorating taste. Well, It's just natural. It's in my blood. That and countryliving.com

Seriously, Pigs in Blankets. Who came up with that?!

Mugwump, you are so clever... I really hope you love that book. About angels. It might take awhile so make sure you get a refill of the Blog Nog.

Merry Christmas to you too Janet!

Heidi the Hick said...

A Quote from my mom, since she isn't big on commenting herself:

"Oh it's Jesus. I thought it was gonna be Johnny Depp!"

Yeah she knows me well.

jules said...

Merry Christmas Heidi!!!!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new library. I loved your library last year but this year?? OVA THE TOP!

Your big ole house is just FAB. Love the ornaments over the kitchen sink, and wowza the bathroom!!!

Humm along now...

Happy Birthday to Heidi...
Happy Birthday to Heidi...
Happy Birthday dear Heidi...
Happy Birthday to youuuuu!!!!!

And a bottle of rum...with a pirate!! (How adorable is he??!!)

Thanks for hosting this party every year! I love coming here for all the good friends, and good cheer.

Hey everybody! (waves) LET'S PARTY!!!

Love the comment from Mom: Oh, it's Jesus. Too funny.

LOVE THE HOUSE! You do have such great decorating taste.

Ok, off to nosh.

Merry Christmas all!

pseudosu said...

Hey Heidi you little wonder you! Thanks for the invite! Your smiling goat girls made me smile too! I just ate about a dozen Almond Roca's so I decided I better bring the rest on over here to share. ~puts rest of can on table~
Here's a Holiday and Birthday cyber hug for you-- ~hugs~. My Christmas/ Birthday words for you are, "It will all be okay in the end. If it isn't okay-- it isn't the end." :)

Heidi Willis said...

Oops - I had to duck out there for a minute! It's raining out there! Yuck!

I think I'll hover by the fire and enjoy the piano playing. I'm sorry I missed the happy birthday singing. I'll have to come back and do that on the 25th!

A slider? Why yes, thank you! Mmmm....

annyong said...

Drink ALL the blog nog!! Eat ALL the weird miniature food!!
Yeeeeaaah, sorry about all that broken glass on the stairs. My bad. Oh, and I read some of your books and dog-eared the pages. Okay bye! Great party!!

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh Annyong you little troublemaker you!

(that was my Sitcom Mom voice)

Heidi the Hick said...

Hey Jules! Good to see you! Glad you dig my spooky library. My daughter got me onto that. She has the same impeccable interior desecrating skills. Decorating. Desecrating. So many letters in common.

Now watch out for that pirate. He is adorable but he just can't be trusted. Get some rum into him and he gets grabby- handed. Watch your pockets. And everything else. If you get what I'm saying.

Now ask me how I know that BWA HA HA HA HA!

Heidi the Hick said...

Heidi - a slider? Heck have 14 of 'em. Hope you brought an extra bag. Hey got any chex mix? That the dog didn't steal?

Sue- thanks for the cyber hugs! I knew you'd liven up the place! Almond Roca. I must try them. I've never had that before. Also I must remember that quote. So simple and so smart.

Also I really have to remember that quote.

Heidi the Hick said...

HEY!! ANNYONG! Where did the broken glass come from?

Break... ALL the glass???

annyong said...

Yeah it was a spur of the moment thing. Oh and I think I left the barn door ajar so the girls may have escaped.... Don't worry, I'm on it.

Paul Tee said...

If its Xmass it must be Saturday, or near it..

You'll find me hunkered down deep in my bomb shelter (a left over from the Cold War), with helmet tight on, embraced by a Kevlar vest and full Hasmat encased. I'm breathing enhanced oxygen laced with a narcotic tranquilizer and immersed in Heavy Metal on full blast shredding the air around me to block out all Xmas carols and sound of ongoing merriment from above.

Why, you ask?

I need all the concrete to insulate me from the tide of emotions that are out there. I have barricaded all entrances to my lair, strung barbed wire across the corridor to prevent any unwanted intrusion into my safety zone. No more overflow of feelings, no aftershocks of emotional upheavals, no more, no more...

I will not bore you with the details of how things got this way, the roots of which go way back into childhood, turning Christmases and birthdays into pressure cookers and emotional minefields.

Over the years I have learned to cope. I have reversed engineered clones to be my stand-ins at these functions.

But don't worry, I have taken care of your blog party too. I have distilled a JD virus, spliced in my DNA, and cultured it to maturity in my underground lab. With a bit of CG overlay, you will find me attending, disguised as a pirate dispensing 100 proof rum. You can tell it's me, for I will miss all the Caribbean references.

Now just point me to a seat, this damn parrot weighs a ton.

Heidi the Hick said...

See, bomb shelter? THAT is EXACTLY. Why you need to come here instead!

That parrot won't be so heavy once you get enough of that Blog Nog and rum into ya!

Heidi Willis said...

Sorry - the dog ate the Chex mix. :(

I can't believe all the blog nog is gone. And did you see the books in the library??

Ah well, it's late anyway. I'll just hunker down in this comfy chair and listen to the carols playing.

Heidi the Hick said...

Lucky dog!

Yeah things are winding down but you know what? This party has now become a sleepover, haha! A blogover?

I'm taking a rest and I think I'll be whipping up another batch of Blog Nog for the stragglers tomorrow.

Please somebody wrestle the rum away from Paul Tee and the pirate! They can have it back when I'm done with it!

Heidi the Hick said...

It's dark o'clock. I'm up first yay me.

mugwump said...

not by much....I'll help you feed and then we can make peanutbutter and bacon pancakes for the blogovers.

didn't see me sitting in the corner with my book did you?

no harm, finding peace in a busy room is why we need books instead of Nooks. Can't bury your nose in one of those flat little things.

Paul Tee said...

Will somebody please move the couch off me?

Heidi the Hick said...

Paul you are really good at getting yourself into some difficult situations... I know I've got comfy furniture but this is quite extreme!

Mugs, peanut butter and bacon pancakes?!?!!! Wow!! Let's just make sure we don't drop any little bits of hay in there after we're done chores. Oh wait that NEVER happens right?

When you're done with that book... I got a lot more for you...

jules said...

Yawn...stretch...OMG!!!! Now...HOW'D it get to be Thursday already!!!!! and afternoon at that. My My. I must have dozed off in that library of yours, with a hefty dose of blog nog and extra rum.

Great party Heidi. I hope you have a wonderful birthday celebration.

Great to see everyone again. Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year 2012.

See you in January!!!

Heidi the Hick said...

Yep. Thanks for dropping by, everybody!!

And I will have a great birthday. Presents for all!

You guys are the best.

Paul Tee said...

Great party Heidi--what I remember of it. That blog nog is truly wicked. Could I have the recipe?

Can anybody tell me how I got a tattoo of an angel on my forearm?

Heidi the Hick said...


It's ok. It's only sharpie. And it's on your forearm. Could have. Even your forehead. But I wouldn't do that. Even though it wasn't me. Of course.