GET IN HERE!
Feeling festive? Not feeling festive and actually feeling quite miserable? Either way -- especially if you're miserable -- let's party blog-style! Let me show you around. Don't let the cat out, and look out for the spinning yelping Pug. I've been totally busting my butt to get this place all prettied up. I mean the photo shoots were an event, blah blah blah. But it was all worth it.
You can kick off your boots here.
I hung up some stockings for you. I can add more!
Okay, just hang on, do you LOVE my wallpaper? It's VINTAGE! My whole house is vintage! I just knocked a layer of dust off and moved in! Totally authentic, man.
So yeah, I found these old chairs in the hay mow and don't they look lovely now?
I'm feeling particularly fond of anything angel-related these days. (Some of you already know why!)
Need a drink? Cupboard's over there, help yourself to a glass.
Let's have a toast. Why do we call it a toast if there's no actual toast involved? Well what the heck, I'll drink to that anyways.
Here's to... all of us!
Alright, let's cut the crap here. There are some of you out there who aren't really feeling it.
Yeah, I see you.
Come over here.
Step into this quiet room, all of us.
Honestly? This time of year can be a real bitch, am I right?
Let's just fess up. Some of us have reasons to dread Christmas. I personally feel pretty rotten about this, because A) I am a Christian and this occasion marks the beginning of, well, everything, and B) because it's my fricken birthday, so I should be thrilled and happy and insufferably joyful. I should be.
I'm not always, though.
I loved Christmas when I was a child. Mom did a great job of sheltering us kids from the nasties of life. All I knew was, there was a fake tree in the house covered in shiny stuff (Oh Shiny!) and everybody gets presents on my birthday!!!!!!!
But then I went and grew up and had to deal with the pressure to shop and give and spend and cook and clean and decorate, and oh my gosh, wrap presents straight and with minimal amounts of scotch tape. And the pressure to be merry.
I hate the commercialism. I've never in my life had a comfortable amount of money to live on. I don't know what it's like. And when the world is telling you to SPEND or else everybody will know you don't love them... it's awful.
Oh but there's more.
Some of us are dealing with mental health problems, or physical health problems. Or both.
Some of us are grieving.
Some of us are alone.
Some of us are homeless.
Well guess what. YOU CAN BE THAT HERE.
Because hey, life isn't fair, people. It just isn't.
We are breathing.
If that's all we've got, that's something.
And for me, I've got to remember why I'm celebrating in the first place.
(that's supposed to be Jesus by the way, as opposed to that totally philosophical dude you sat beside in the train station.) (wait a second...?)
And if you're not into Jesus then you can look at Christmas as simply Peace On Earth. We could all use that right?
So let's not be fake -- you are feeling how you are feeling. You're allowed that.
We're gonna be okay though.
Here's a big virtual hug and a virtual kiss on the forehead and now take a deep breath, and let's get out there and DO THIS PARTY.
Here, have some Pigs In Blankets. I don't know why we call them that. They don't look like pigs or blankets. But it's all zero-calorie in Blog World, so eat up!
Have some veggies. Why are veggies and dip called crudités? Why????
Don't ask. Just dip and eat.
Party always ends up in the kitchen, doesn't it?
Luckily there will be no dishes to wash!
You know how the big trend now is to make these tiny little burger things? Sliders. That name really bothers me. Like this food is so small, you can just slide 'em down your throat. Fifteen of them. Who cares, they're just tiny.
And here they're totally imaginary so go nuts.
Would you like to see the library? I've been working on some renovations. It's not quite done yet. I still have to finish the skylight, and then do a good sweeping and dusting. But I think it's coming alone nicely.
I'm going for that "haunted chic" look. How'm I doing with that?
All I know is, I finally found room for all my books!!!
You must be worn out from touring my big old house. Have a seat.
You know what you need right now?
It's a new recipe this year!
Go ahead! Even if you can't stand the stuff in real life, you will love Blog Nog! So sweet! So... noggy!
And still with the name thing - why the heck do we call it egg nog? What's a nog? Where do all these names come from? Pigs on Blankets with a Toast of Egg Nog.
Watch out for this stuff. I think it might be embellished. Enhanced. If you know what I mean.
I'm just saying it doesn't look as innocent as the other mug of nog!
Of course we'll need some rum for the pirates.
Look at that eh? Like magic. I say RUM, I get pirate.
(Ain't he a nice present for me?)
And now you need to use the bathroom. Party always ends up in the bathroom.
I get it. This bathroom's so nice I never wanna leave either.
Random Shiny Thing:
Let's go outside for some fresh air.
We can visit The Girls.
HI GIRLS! Aw, they're all smiling at us!
Let's go for a ride while there's still snow on the ground. Snow is prettier than mud.
Well ok, I'm cold now.
Time to warm up!
I'll just be here with my butt beside the fireplace for a few minutes.
HEY can we get somebody in here who knows how to play this thing?
And who's got a lyric sheet for "You're a Mean One, Mr Grinch?"
I want you to drag out all your favourite offbeat, alternative, funny Christmas songs. I myself will be searching for my Spinal Tap "Break Like The Wind" record so we can play "Christmas with the Devil." Oh easy now, it's all very cheeky. Who's got some AC/DC?
We need to sing. Hint: Happy Birthday.
Now I expect that comments section to be hopping harder than a mosh pit. Crash this party. Invite all your friends. Have a nice little escape from reality and you don't even have to dress up or drive home afterwards! Or stagger home with your arm over somebody's shoulder, if that is the way you roll. (I don't roll. I rock.)
Oh, and, also? Merry Christmas, whether you like it or not!