Friday, September 05, 2008

Pink Hoof Polish, Big Boobs, and the Fine Line Between Funny and Awesome

You know here at Hick Chic, it's all about the clothes.  Okay, not all about... there's a lot of stuff about reading and writing and music and critters in general, and of course some drooling over the menfolk, but overall, I'm interested in the overalls.  Haha.  Geddit?  

I like clothes.  I usually look like a slob, but I like to think I pull it off with style.  That's why I called this place Hick Chic as opposed to Hick Slovenly.  I love jeans and boots, I love denim and corduroy and leather.  I like coveralls!  I like make up but I don't wear it often.  I like fashion magazines, even if it's just to snicker at.  I love the clothing aisle at TSC.  I hate shopping, but I love clothes.

You might also know that my favourite colour is pink.  If you've been reading long enough you might remember me saying how much I used to hate pink, until my brain got rewired by a mental short circuit called depression and suddenly I liked pink so much I had to dye my hair pink.  

I like it so much now that I got a pink saddle blanket for the little Mare.  It matches her little pink muzzle.  I plan to go down to the local tack shop soon and buy her a pink hoof pick.  They have pink tack boxes too.  My son's not thrilled that I'm outfitting his horse in such a girly colour but I tell him it's her stuff, not his.  

When I was competing at the local saddle club, I tacked up my horse in some colourful gear.  I put him in his respectable bridle for the performance classes, but when it was time for speed games, he wore his headstall with a hot pink curb strap under his chin and aqua green gaming reins.  His saddle blanket was a black navajo with pink green and purple stripes.  I wore a purple and aqua shirt.  He also had red bell boots on his feet.  I couldn't find any in purple.  Man, we were stylin.  I could find some bright colourful western gear at that time and felt sorry for all the english riders who had to stick with navy, hunter green, burgundy, grey and beige.  Blahhhhhhh...  

But for the last couple of years I've been seeing more and more bling and bright at the tack shops.  English tack and apparel are getting an injection of sass.  Western gear isn't easy to find up here in "Horse Country" in any case, with all the hunter/ jumper barns in the area.  I think it's nice to see some fun in the displays.

I think it's fun.  Not all equestrians agree, but that's fine with me.  I'd rather be a cowgirl anyways. 

Then I saw something yesterday that pretty much blew my mind.  I found this amazing funny/ tacky/ scary/ ridiculous/ awesome entry on one of my favourite blogs, Go Fug Yourself.

Apparently, a woman who is famous in England for being a Glamour Model- author- reality TV show star, has rolled out her own line of tack and apparel.  I wasn't totally sure what a Glamour Model does, but I think it involves topless photos and "lad mags" which explains my ignorance.  I'm thinking she's famous for being famous.  Whatevs, all I know is she's got giant boobs and wears a lot of make up.  And she likes pink.

I mean, she really likes pink.  Maybe even more than I do.

I have a bizarre fascination/ repulsion with this photo!  I love her braids (I do that!) and I like her big smile.  Those pink high heels are killing me, I want them, but where the heck would I wear them??? and wouldn't they be difficult in the stirrup?  It's hilarious that she's got that cute polo top tied at the front like a 14 year old girl would.  The pose?  hee hee.  Classic.  But most of all, the look on that horse's face.  

"Holy crap!  Are my hooves pink?  They are?  My hooves are painted PINK?????"

Well, my curiosity got the best of me.  I had a sink full of dishes that needed - I mean, really needed - to soak for awhile, so I did some checking around.  Turns out that our girl Katie Price here has been very busy.  According to my research, she's been into horses since childhood and people say she's actually a very decent, quiet rider.  I can't help but think she must have a hard time with her balance, with those toothpick legs and giant bazoombas.  I wouldn't know from experience what that's like.  I have a very low centre of gravity, if y'know what I mean.

I found some other pictures, which were not much like that eye popping display above.  Actually quite nice, well lit, pretty photos.
Her hair looks great, her horse looks happy, and that's a darn cute hoodie she's wearing.  So I went looking for her website, and you know what?  It's not so bad at all.  I mean, go take a look.  It's not all Barbie Dream Horse.  Not totally.  I had to snicker because in most of the horse discussion forums I read, people defended Ms Price as both a person and a rider, but then went on to say they likely wouldn't be buying her clothes.  Well, it's not really for me because I ride western, but I can't help but wonder how this top would look paired with Wranglers and Ropers.

And my Little Mare would look so cute in this although she's never worn a blanket in her life!

I do think they've tried to play down the large bustiness for the sake of the very respectable equestrian community in England.  I also think they've got a few items of clothing that have almost nothing to do with riding.  I think she's used what I suspect is the Glamour Model Face a few times.  And it's really, really overwhelmingly pink, even for me.  But dudes, I think if I spent my days in britches and field boots, I might pick up a few of these to "put some glamour and sparkle into my riding!"

But being me, cheap, stingy, practical, hick hillbilly me, I think I'll just go on shopping in the used section of the local tack shop.  And treat myself every now and then at TSC.


CindyDianne said...

I was at TSC the other day and I found a shirt with pearl snaps that I really, really want. But, I was there for bird seed and not clothes. So, I went on without buying it. But, it was painful.

KB gets onto me when I want to put something too girly on JJ. He tells me not to make a sissy out of that tough guy!

I will say that with those pink heels you would not have to worry about your foot going through the stirrup... just sayin'

coffeypot said...

She doesn't hold a candle to you. You are real, and I love your 'low center of gravity', you cute little filly, you. And it doesn’t matter if you wear new ‘stuff’ or used or old or borrowed. When you go outside in your outfit, no one knows the difference. It’s how you carry it, and you carry quiet well.

dilling said...

good way to start the day...nearly snorting my morning coffee out my nose...thanks for morning laugh!

Heidi the Hick said...

I knew it's be worth a laugh! Now you all go clean off your keyboards! (Sorry Dilling, if I made you waste a drop of your coffee!)

Cindy, sounds like KB and Bucky are on the same wave length. And the heels- talk about ankle breakers!

Coffey, you sure know how to compliment a girl! I have to agree... it's all how you carry it. I grew up wearing hand me downs and it doesn't matter. Your favourites are your favourites no matter where they came from.

Tod said...

THAT WOMAN is taking over the bloody world. Not content with nude modelling, her own TV show, appearing on TV shows, celebrity appearances in all the mags and a failed pop career, she now has a ghost written novel at the top of the UK best seller list. That last bit really makes me wanna spit.

Heidi the Hick said...

Tod, her "book" is a novel???? I thought it was one of those "I'm so fabulous" kind of autobiographies! Yeah, that kind of changes things for me too, I have to admit!

I didn't know about the pop career either. Failed, eh? Hmm. Interesting.

Isn't it amazing how someone can be famous for being famous? And um, how I've just contributed to the cause?

JKB said...


We get her shoved up our noses over here. She is everywhere...and recently went to the US to get some sort of boob reduction, if you can believe it. They were tremendous before.

Most recent foray into horsees was when she got the smackdown from the polo snobs (I can say it, I'm one!) at a Cartier match in good ole en-gu-lund. I felt badly for her, though.

Although then she went on telly and whinged about it something fierce.


And yup, she hasmore than one book out. All ghost written, its insane. A couple horse books, too,

pseudosu said...

That was funny -- esp the horse's expression. You go with pimping out your horse in the pink girl!
Part of my "program" for not being sucked under is intense movement, and I've been considering blinging out my bike helmet. This post has pushed me further in that direction.... hmmm.
ps-- also approve of the pink hair

The Adult in Question said...

I was thinking that maybe you could wear those very hot pink high heels when you go grocery shopping. Maybe it would make the whole experience a little more pleasant.
Or at the very least you will be stressing about how much your feet hurt and nothing else.

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh KC that is a very good idea. Plus being a little bit taller, I'll be able to see higher on the shelves!

Pseudo- Do something fun to your helmet, for sure. I"m going to write a post one of these days on riding helmets. I hate them, basically, and if I'm going to wear one it better be fun.

And I'm going to pink my hair again soon. Real soon I hope. I'm just waiting for a reason to celebrate.

JKB- it's true, about the reduction? I read rumours on a forum that she'd had them reduced because she wants to get serious about riding, but I thought it was a JOKE! But maybe that goes with my theory about a lower centre of gravity. HOly smack, they were bigger than they are in those pictures? All I can think is... Ow.

CindyDianne said...

She had a breast reduction? Because, I have to practically duct tape mine down in the attempt not to be going along "ow, ow, ouch, ow, oh, ow"

CindyDianne said...

Heidi - don't forget to enter my challenge!

The Manic Street Preacher said...

Jordan aka Katy Price aka Mrs Some Australian geezer who used to try and sing is like a virus in the UK. She gets everywhere and you can't get rid of her.

That's him! Peter Andre. I think he made a song once.

Rumour has it she's fed up with having huge tits and is going back to the originals.

Sad thing is she was really attractive before the surgery.

Heidi the Hick said...

You mean, before they got super big, like a long time ago?

Biddie said...

I am overwhelmed with the pinky-ness of it all.
If horses have can have pink hooves, then maybe Ruby can have pink nails. Actually, we used to do Poodle's nails. She would sit pretty and wait while Kayla got her all dolled up.
You don't need any fancy shmancy pink stuff. You rock on your own :)

Heidi the Hick said...

Why thank you!

I can't imagine painting my horse's hooves... luckily for me, Appaloosas don't require black hoof polish for horse shows. Judges like to see their striped hooves.

It's hard enough work to clean those hooves, let alone bend over to paint them! Damn I'm lazy.

There's no way my dog would let me polish his toenails. He's very manly you know. He'd just die of embarrassment...

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