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Monday, February 11, 2008

The Monday Report: with a generous side order of Grammy Report

Okay. I've been churched, mothered, and breathed on by two speckled horses. All I need now is to dye my hair pink and I'm all set. Yep, problems solved. Mostly. My next blog post will be about the care of fuzzy horses in the frozen Canadian winter. Dude, it was COLD this weekend. Being Canadian, we just loooooove to talk about the weather. Yesterday we drove home in whiteouts. But we got home.

...Just in time for the Grammy Awards. I'm telling you about it here, instead of over next door because I'm lazy and heck, aren't we all? Am I the only one who watched it? What did you all think? If you didn't watch it, no problem, because I have condensed it down for your enjoyment!

Jethro had to go to work, but the kids and I, and our special guest Grandpar, hunkered down to watch. Grandmar, not a fan of popular music, opted to go lie on the upstairs couch. Hanging with Grandpar is a whole other experience. He is an expert of all things classical and operatic- in other words, music I did not grow up with. The first thing we discussed was the opening act: Alicia Keys singing along with Frank Sinatra on a screen.




Okay.

I think we can be done with this gimmick now.

And let me just say that Sinatra's career was pre- ProTools. I was reminded again and again throughout this big 50th anniversary show that people really had to sing back then. There would be no dude in a dimly lit room, sifting through digital files and clicking each note into tune. Of course, this very process is the thing that generates grocery money for my family... so I'm not knocking it completely...but, you know????

Anyways. Why do I never recognize Alicia Keys? She's a pretty lady. But I never know it's her.




Here she is later with John Mayer, he of the contorted guitar face, battered Fender, and wicked playing:


Do you all know Ms Keys when you see her? The only other person I regularly fail to recognize in pictures is myself. But I digress.

Carrie Underwood came out to sing "Before He Cheats" wearing some kind of vinyl outfit and with some kind of Stomp performance going on behind her. It was cool, but the fun totally got sucked out of it.



Gramps commented that all the ostentatious wailing is really quite distracted and suspects that it's a way to disguise a lack of understanding of musical notes. I said nothing.

Prince slid onstage all tiny and perfect, said something cool that I forgot instantly, and left. The Time did a little reunion gig. Remember? Oh ee oh ee oh. If you're my age, think of high school. Those guys are pretty light on their feet 20 years later. Can't say I missed the keytar but there it was.


Then Rihanna came out in this bizarre dress that looked like emu feathers, which I gotta admit I kind of dig, and her waist was about 18 inches around. Huh?




Anyways, we all still love the Beatles. Sir George and Young Giles collected a trophy and Ringo was Ringo.


ME: Behold the awesomeness of Ringo Starr.
GIRL: Octopus' Garden.
ME: He wrote it and he sang it.
GIRL: He's awesome. I love him.

Then it was Kanye time. Oh wait, he'd be upset that it's not announced grandly enough. KANYE WEST TOOK THE STAGE. Despite my hatred for that song, I confess, that was a friggin cool performance. I mean, he was wearing GLOW IN THE DARK SUNGLASSES...


...which Bucky decided were the most useless thing ever invented but darnit NOW WE MUST HAVE A PAIR.

The robot guys were up there and everything. It was COOO-OOOO-AL! (At least that's what Bucky said.)

Then Kanye sang a song about his deceased mother, and I feel awful for the guy. He was all choked up and everything. It was a sweet tribute to a lady who did all she could for her kid. Kanye is undeniably talented - even Grandpar thought so. I managed to not choke up, for once in my life. Am I becoming hardened and heartless?

I was underwhelmed (if that's a word...I know it's not cuz I looked it up...) by the Fergie/ John Legend song.


I really liked her hair though. Mine looks like that after an afternoon in the garden. Mmmm....garden. Actually my hair looks like that when I dress up too. Can't take me anywhere.

AND THEN. Cher cracked a joke about how old she is- awesome! AND THEN. Beyonce gave us a little history lesson on the Greatest Divas of Our Time. AND THEN!!!



TINA TURNER! She is 68 years old and moves pretty much just like she did 20 years ago and 20 years before that. Beyonce and Tina did "Proud Mary" which was just....you know? Wow.



If my butt looks that good when I'm 68 you're darn right I'm gonna wear that. I have never worn silver shinypants in my life but I think I'd start. Heck yes.

Y'know, Beyonce could possibly be at the 100th Grammys, when she's Tina's age now. It could happen.

What I really love is that their silver outfits reflected on their skin. They're like disco balls.




So I ask you, what awards show is complete without the World's Most Reliable Rockers, The Foo Fighters? Grandpar liked Dave Grohl's clear notes with just the right amount of vibrato at the end of each line. He did not like the shouty choruses so much. What I have to say is this: Dave Grohl has lovely, shiny, smooth hair. Daaaaaaaave Groooooohhhhhhhl! Also he and Taylor Hawkins appear to be brothers now.


I was just excited that John Paul Jones was conducting the...Grammy Moment Orchestra???? I did not ask Grandpar if JPJ was really conducting. I didn't want to know. I love JPJ no matter what. End of story.

I also love, love, love Brad Paisley. Wanna know just how perfect he is? Grandpar was impressed. Okay? Need I say more?




Sadly, Aretha Franklin was trotted out at the 2-hour mark and I was getting bored.


I love this whole awards show spectacle, but man. zzzzzzzzzz. It really is a long, boring, drawn out affair. I cannot imagine how grueling it is for those who spend the whole day at it. I know how long the Juno awards take for the Saturday night black tie event. It takes three hours just to eat dinner. This has got to be painful. What are there, like, 400 awards??? But it doesn't matter, because they put Aretha on the stage. I had to let Aretha take me to church. I mean c'mon. Aretha.

I thought Feist was cute and fun. I couldn't find a picture of her though. That's okay because she'll likely win a truckload of Juno awards later this spring.

Okay so I wasn't going to mention it, but Kid Rock flirted shamelessly with a cute lil ol lady who was a performer at the first Grammy show in 1958. Shamelessly? Just....I am sorry I brought it up and we need not ever speak of it again.

Vince Gill got a Grammy handed to him by a Beatle, then Thanked all the musicians (Yes!) and spoke the best quote of the night:


"MUSIC IS THE REAL DEMOCRACY."

Doesn't Vince look like somebody's dad? He's such a sweet guy.

Grandpar and my Girl really enjoyed the Herbie Hancock/ Lang Long duet of Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue. Twin Steinway pianos with the lids off. It was very cool.

We ended the evening at 11 pm, at what I figured was THE performance of the night, from a girl who wasn't even there. From a satellite link in London England, Amy Winehouse finished the thing off. Just stuck a fork in it. She was perfectly disproportionate with her skinny legs and towering beehive.



I gotta say... she looks...Good!

I found myself wondering what year it was...bizarro 1962? She sang "You Know I'm No Good" with a cheeky wink, and then sang "Rehab" which was just perfect considering her trainwreck of a life and the whole reason why she was in England instead of the US. She's still a mess- her movements are jerky and her knees knock together- but hot damn the girl can sing. She doesn't sound like anybody else, and her time is perfect. She's right in the pocket. And she's fronting one heck of a hot band.



Here's how good she is: She can now count among her fans, a 71 year old ex-Brit retired high school shop teacher who plays the violin in the community orchestra and is right now on a plane back to Florider.



When she won her award, she went catatonic for a few seconds while her band jumped up and down. Then she hugged her mum and thanked a bunch of blokes including her darling Blake who is incarcerated. Nice! Grandpar looked over at me and said, "Now that's a right good Cockney accent, she is." And he would know.

I was done. I chased the kids into bed. I missed Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard. And John Fogerty. Damn! Here's where I slap my forehead!!!


Is there a painting of Little Richard somewhere in an attic, a portrait of what he'd look like if he aged like a normal human? LITTLE RICHARD! Crazy. I need to look up a video clip of this. I hear ol Jerry Lee is still The Killer.

I also missed Herbie Hancock's Album of the Year award, which apparently has a lot of people stunned.




Jethro knows a lot of musicians who will be very happy with this.

I really should have stayed up but Grandmar and Grandpar needed the fold out couch.

And that was three hours of my life I'll never get back, folks. All in the name of RESEARCH. I think I might stuff some dead roses into my straggly nest of pink hair when I go do my red carpet thing!!!!


Hey, it's the family business. These things are important.

On a slightly different note, I realized this morning that I met the man of my dreams, love of my life, 21 years ago today. I can't say I knew that the long haired, big footed rockdog leaning on his locker would be my husband four years later. And just LOOKATUSNOW!!!!!

24 comments:

CindyDianne said...

21 years! Wow!

I don't get Amy Winehouse. I just... don't. Brad Paisley I really get. And love. A lot.

Heidi the Hick said...

Yep. Wow!

I didn't get her either until I saw her do her thing. She's got an old soul kind of voice.

And you know how I feel about Brad Paisley!!!

Tod said...

I love Amy, not that we are on first name terms or anything.

Heidi the Hick said...

I'm on first name terms with everybody.

pffffftttt!

Biddie said...

I am not into the award shows, (well, the Juno's are ok) BUT if I would have known that THE TIME were gonna play LIVE, I would have been tuned in.
I had to youtube it, and it was crappy video. Now I am bummed.
I'm with Bucky on the glow in the dark sunglasses. Where can I get a pair for me and Bucky?
You thought that Amy Winehouse looked GOOD? Did I read that right? Well, yeah, she looked GOOD for a cross dresser.
Sorry. The rest I agree with :)

Heidi the Hick said...

haha, I should have put GOOD in quotes!

Honestly, she looked a lot better than she has in the last few months. She appeared to have all her teeth and no visible scratches/ blemishes!

Biddie said...

LOL. That good, huh? I guess it is all relative. You know, like GOOD for a crack head.
I'm with Cindydianne on this one, I just don't GET Amy Winehouse.....

Heidi the Hick said...

But the glow in the dark sunglasses.... I mean that is just the craziest coolest thing ever, right?

Heidi the Hick said...

OH AND ALSO...

That guy I met 21 years ago?

Biddie introduced us.

You may all thank her now.

Biddie said...

LOL. Yup, I am responsible for that, aren't I?
LOVE the sunglasses. Gonna look on ebay.

The Adult in Question said...

Yeah I'm with CindyDianne and my mom - I totally don't get Amy Winehouse.
I can't be bothered to watch a lot of the award shows because they just seem so dragged out and there is only so much you can take. I will watch the Junos though, but in terms of awards shows thats it.

Biddie said...

You remember that it was 21 years ago TODAY? Yikes. Good memory. That means that we were in school for almost two weeks before I introduced you...
Those were days. I had nice shoes, cool hair and dead sexy body. Oh yeah....

katy said...

go get pink girl, go get pink!

Balloon Pirate said...

To whelm is to submerge completely. So--since 'overwhelmed' really is redundant (think: whiter than white, or tastes more like orange juice than orange juice), at least underwhelmed makes slightly more sense.

yeharr

dilling said...

Cindydiane~you know what I don't get? Awards shows.
But I feel like I kinda watched it now...thanks for that, Heidi. I didn't even know Herbie Hancock had an album this year...but he was amazing "back then" so he's probably only gotten better!
I love Frank Sinatra.

JKB said...

Congrats!°

I actually just heard a song of Amy Winehouse's the other day. And. WOW. I bought her CD and she shares pride of place with my approximately 15 other CDs that I have. I love love love her.

And you know what? You'd look totally great with a beehive!! Harro!!

One other word: Kanye West had the most awesome outfit of the night. Pity I can't watch it here.

But thanks for the roundup.

dilling said...

Hey...I think Corey Hart wrote a song about Kanye's sunglasses once upon a time ago...

terry said...

adore amy. that cd kicks ass.

kanye got me choked up, with the song about his mama.

i thought the time looked and sounded great! i still love that song.

and the foos. i just love 'em.

nice recap.

oh, and happy anniversary!

Anita said...

I love Amy... What can I say? I guess I'm in the minority here when I say I don't get Kanye... What makes him so much better than other people in his genre?
I do love that he showed so much love for his mother though, that was so touching...

Brad Paisley is cute, but he always reminds me of someone's little brother... he always looks like a kid to me...

I want the shades too, so if you come up with a source, let me know...
I LIKED Carrie's performance, the way she moves to the music is a little odd, though... like she doesn't quite know what to do with her hands...
Tina IS a Goddess... If I look like that at her age it will be the best I've ever looked... Was I imagining it, or did Beyonce really step on Tina's foot??

I enjoyed the Herbie Hancock/ Lang Long duet, too... I am a piano player, what can I say, talented pianists always blow me away...

I love Ringo Starr... Don't even get me started...lol

I was very disappointed in the Fergie/John Legend thing, too... It was like they had been cloned, and their talent didn't transfer or something...
I NEVER recognize Alicia either!! I'm so glad I'm not the only one...lol
Sorry for the long comment... I have a habit of doing that on your posts, don't I?? lol...

Heidi the Hick said...

Long comments are fine with me!

I can't say that I GET Kanye. Maybe it's just that he's so full of himself that I turn off. I do think he has excellent time and he has a good voice. I think he understands how music works. At least from my limited understanding!

I am not a piano player but I am so respectful of those who are. It was good for my kid to see that, especially with her grandfather beside her!

I think Carrie sang well, although looked a little awkward. And I didn't notice the foot-stepping thing but I read afterwards that she did! Can you imagine??

Anyways, Amy won me over. Before this I just thought she was an admirably crazy chick, but I didn't really get her vibe totally, and I liked her voice... but she pulled it off. I can't help but like a girl whose hair weighs more than her body. I've been that. I'd really like to see her gain 20 lbs though.

Did you see pictures of Ringo and his wife on the red carpet? She's lovely. And age appropriate.

Oh it's all good fun!

Heidi the Hick said...

FLORIDER REPORT!

Grandmar and Grandpar are back in the sunny south. He called to thank the kids and I for the entertaining Grammy night. Wasn't that sweet of him! I'm so glad we sat down and watched it together. I knew he wouldn't like most of the music. I knew he'd be full of criticisms. But it was good to hear his perspective.

He struck up a conversation with a musician in the airport and was pleased to have something to talk about!

Heidi the Hick said...

Dilling-

"Hey...I think Corey Hart wrote a song about Kanye's sunglasses once upon a time ago..."

SNORT!

cara winsor hehir said...

was it just me or did tina knock beyonce on her arse? had her huffin and puffin. gawd i love tina.
and aretha is and sexy yellow dress.
and does dave grohl have a come over??

cara winsor hehir said...

jezly my spelling is baaad.i was trying to say
"and aretha in a sexy yellow dress.
and does dave grohl have a comb over??"
hmmmm must have been a freudian slip. opps!