Today I Am Throwing A Pity Party.

And you're invited. If you wish.

Listen, things are generally okay. I have a husband who loves me, two healthy and wonderful kids, and a roof over my head. There's food in the fridge. We'll probably get to keep the priviledge of hot water for a few more days at least. It's Okay.

However.

Get out the balloons and streamers...let's have some Pity Cake...some whine and cheese...

Have I mentioned that the street that T-bones ours is under construction? And that we're the second house in from the corner? And that I haven't totally recovered yet from the Big Renovation of 2005 That I Still Can't Talk About?

Last night at about 9 there was a horrid sound outside our house. It was like a GIANT vacuum cleaner. Like it was sucking up our house. We ran upstairs and had a look...THEY were parking a huge massive Pavement Eating Machine across the street. THEY are the hated construction guys. I'm sure they're nice fellas and all but they are making my life miserable so therefore I will direct my vague hatred at them. Especially since the dude who changes his clothes while standing at the open trunk of his car hasn't been back lately. Dammit!!!!!

This morning I woke up at 6 to let the Pug out. I laid back down in my bed, under the ceiling fan. I couldn't even touch the Furnace Man beside me. Yep, he's hot alright. The Boy came over to say good morning at about 6:45 when my radio came on, and he promptly fell back asleep. He breathed sleep on me and I fell for it.

Meanwhile, THEY start working at 7 am. I was a farm kid- I know you have to get at it early. You use the daylight when you have it. You get as much done as you can before the heat gets to be unbearable. But I resent this loud intrusion into my morning. I have every window in the house open during the night to try to cool it down. And there's the Dreaded Pavement Eating Machine, a hundred feet away from my house. Like my entire house is being sucked up into its poisonous belly.

One of these machines has a backup beeper that sounds like an alarm clock. With the fans on, and the Giant Vacuum Suck From Hell, we didn't hear our alarms. We all struggled out of bed at about 8. Luckily with it being so hot we don't need to put on time consuming layers of clothes before we leave the house. I went around and shut all the windows to keep the heat out. It doesn't help much for keeping the noise out and does nothing for stopping the shuddering of my poor little house with every rumble of a giant machine.

Last night at 7 pm THEY were just finishing up. They dug a big hole where the street used to be. I could see the cab of the bulldozer and that's it. My house has been shaking for three days.

I want to move sooooo bad. I'm hearing rumours that my street is next. I can't do it. I have a tight chest and heart palpitations. I keep talking myself down and pulling out all the little tricks to stop the panic. I hate this.

Out in the country, you get noise too. You get the tractor passing your house over and over as the field gets planted. Later the combine comes through and it's huge, noisy, and rather frightening. But it's not there every day.

I didn't grow up on a dirt road, but was surrounded by them. The Heights is a dirt road right now. If a country road gets ten cars a day, you put up with the dust. A suburban road gets ten cars a minute. It's awful.

And it's boiling hot these days. The smog is so bad that the horizon is brown. I'm avoiding driving as much as I can- I hate contributing to the poison. Actually I'm staying in as much as possible. Ever since I was on anti-depressants I can't take the heat. So I'm in my house. Cringing at every thump and bump.

The Pug is panting just on the way to the bus stop. Poor little guy. I have to fill their water bowl several times a day now.

Worst of all...my ancient cat has been barfing a lot. Twice last night and three times already this morning. He blinks at me like it's nothing, and goes back to his strenuous relaxing regimen, but I worry about him.

I'm so tired. Have been for five days. Can't quite seem to get enough sleep.

Poor me.

There is hope though. Today is the last full day of school. I meet the kids at the bus stop for the last time at noon tomorrow. No more standing there glaring at the Othermothers when they roll through the stop sign; I will have two months to not have to be ready to throw myself in front of a minivan when it goes right through the flashing lights on the bus, to save my kid. I can spend the summer letting go of my anger at these parents who will put my child's life in danger just to get their own pudgy snot nosed kid to school and then get to the gym on time.

Let it go.

I get to spend the summer with my kids. They're two of my favourite people ever.

The dog and cat and I will be chilling under the ceiling fan for most of the day. I've got a good book to read. And an Equestrian Federation manual to study. And notes to take on my next novel project...

What's your pity today, and how are you dealing with it?

(Don't forget to take some cake with you.)