Valentine's Day Can Kiss My Butt!

You’d think a woman who’s been happily married for 15 + years would just love Valentine’s day, but sadly, I don’t really love it. I would like to but I’m either too cynical or too practical.

Being the kind of neo-hippie, tree hugging, Mennonite metal head that I am, I like to avoid anything that smacks of materialism. I get really irritated when something good, like romance becomes something dirty and ugly and has radio commercials chiding men into buying crap for their lovers.

And it is crap. I know that plenty of women (and I’m sure lots of men) love being showered with gifts. I just hate the idea of an obligatory gift. I don’t want my man to buy me something because he thought he had to. If he’s going to spend money on me, I want it to be something that he just knew I wanted. You know, because he knows me so well, and can, like, read my mind.

Okay okay, I admit. I’m a woman. I want my man to read my mind. Sorry.

I try to make it easy for him though. I do not expect material gifts, and I don't make him guess. I have a picture of an Appaloosa horse on my bulletin board. See? That way he knows, right? I don’t ask for much, do I?


I’d go without ten years worth of stupid obligatory gifts for one Appaloosa. (I’m ready to fall in love again.)

Here’s a list of crap I do not want:

-any kind of diamond jewelry. I have all I could ever need: my engagement ring. He bought it for me in 1990. It cost a whopping staggering stunning $800 and I vowed that I’d never ask for something like that ever again...because never in my 19 years did I imagine that somebody would buy me a thing so pretty and so expensive. I’m the first in my family to get a diamond ring. I have two rings on my left hand, and I will never need any more. I consider myself lucky.

-roses. Believe it or not. Don’t get me wrong- I love roses. They are one of my favourites, even though I have yet to successfully grow them. I even have a bouquet from two years ago, dried and darkened to purple, on top of my piano. They’re looking very Tim Burtonesque. But how many clumps of dead roses can I have in my house? Can I bear to see them die and throw them away?

And the other problem with roses is the cheapness factor. If it’s for Valentine’s day, they better be the good ones and not the half dead ones that were picked up hastily at the gas station....because it’s the thought that counts, right??? I don’t like the thought that he almost forgot and that picked up a Dog House Avoidance Present!
Of course then I’d feel all guilty because the good roses cost a lot and that’s money that could be spent on groceries, or fuel, or the Appaloosa Fund...

-cards. I don’t want a friggin card from him. Not from him. Not from the love of my life and father of my children. A card, from him? Pfffff!

-Lingerie. Um...unless it’s flannel. And long sleeved.

-chocolate. Okay, I’ll cave. But only if it’s the good stuff. And didn’t cost a fortune. Because it just doesn’t last long enough to justify a huge expense!

Most of all, I resent the guilt. I hate the thought that all of these people are spending money out of fear that if they don’t, they jeopardize their love. I hate it that we are led to believe that love is conditional on material things.

We’re human though. We’d feel disappointed if there was absolutely no recognition!

Here’s the thing about my man, and why I fall in love with him regularly. He knows me. He knows all the freaky stupid things about me, and as much he is forever trying to comprehend me, he knows what I like.
You know what he wanted to get me for Valentine’s day?

Chrome valve covers.

You see, my truck is in the shop. It’s been there for almost a week, and it’s getting a new engine. It was a necessary operation and a painfully huge expense. There was no choice; it had to be done. We really don’t have a few thousand to spare. We don’t usually have that kind of dough lying around waiting for occasions such as these and especially not this year!

Since we had to yank the smoky old 305 out of the truck, we decided to just say Screw It and put a 350 in. Same size block, but just a wee tiny bit more power. That truck was slightly underpowered so it’s not like I’ll be haulin ass around town but hey, every little bit helps.

He wanted to order up some chrome valve covers. He wanted to proudly pop the hood for me to see my new engine for the first time and--- cue the angel choirs--- revel in my look of joy when I first behold my beautiful shiny small block V8.

This just isn’t the year though.

He fessed up last week. I kissed him. It’s the thought that counts. Maybe after the Appaloosa fund has done its part we’ll start a Valve Cover fund.

Want more proof that he’s a keeper? And is a very romantic man?

Last July we celebrated our 15th anniversary with a little weekend getaway. It was a little more than we could afford, but we couldn’t really afford a hell of a lot of anything. Basically we dropped off the kids and critters at Grandma’s, drove for two hours, and hung around at a country hotel where we had a really amazing meal (which I didn’t cook or clean up and therefore loved) and went to the beach.

It was very romantic. But then, he whispered in my ear that he couldn’t get what he really wanted for me.

A stock trailer.


I melted like butter. He was going to give me a horse trailer for our anniversary. So what if he actually hadn’t- it's more important that we don't starve or get kicked out of our house and it’s the thought that counts!!! Yeah, I know, you’re thinking he just said that to get on my “good side” and why wouldn’t think that? Well, you’d have to know him. He can’t lie to save his life. He told me he had it all planned out: he’d take the truck one Saturday morning, leaving me fuming that he was not only ditching me but taking my truck!! Then roll up in front of the house with the trailer hitched up and not say a word.

Man. So killer romantic.

So what about him? Do men get to expect gifts for Valentine’s day? This isn’t a one way street, is it? I hope not.

I suppose the reason why there isn’t much attention and advertising on what to buy men is because let’s face it, men are easy to please. God bless.

I’ve give him the same ol present every year.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody. For those of you who are attached, say an I Love You, and mean it.

For those of you who aren’t, go buy yourself a box of chocolates!!!

Love to you all!