Monday, December 11, 2006

The Hick Chic Grinch List

I couldn't find any pictures of the Grinch in a John Deere hat. So here's the next best thing.

List of reasons why I don't like Christmas
-I want to love it and feel guilty because I don't
-not good at planning
-I hate shopping
-sadness (why?)
-never enough money to give the things I want to give for gifts
-decisions about what to get/do/plan
-have to clean and decorate
-temptation to compare
-there's going to be a big letdown afterwards
-alternatives to buying gifts too hard to think about
-hate shopping
-hate the mall
-increased pace (the world's already fast enough)
-insincerity (advertising- they don't really wish me a merry Christmas, they just want my money!)
-blinking lights. I hate blinking flashing lights. Most of my neighbours have blinking lights.
-I hate spending money
-not good with crowds
-no patience to make gifts instead of buy
-I always eat too much
-My poor husband gets stuck making Christmas records for the entire month of June, and their mostly very insincere projects that are only being made to turn a buck, because somebody is going to put it in their shopping cart...and every year he's a part of ten of them. That's just the ones he works on. I can't listen to them. They make me feel evil in a bad way.
-"Reason for the season" different depending on who you talk to or what movie you watch
-celebration of Jesus' birth tainted by, you know, the world. Much like most of what he taught.
-as a Christian, I recognize this occasion and how important it is, but I know that Easter is the one that the entire faith is built on, and sometimes I get jealous of Christmas. Does that make any sense to anyone other than me???
-I see how much everybody else loves this time of year and feel sadly jealous because I don't feel it yet.

List of ways to make it better
-Let the kids decorate. On their own. Their way.
-shop at off times
-drink more! Okay maybe not...
-clean a little at a time
-make the kids clean more than they normally do (which isn't nearly enough far as I'm concerned)
-get out, walk, ride, sled
-think of Johnny in a santa suit. (Never before did I want to sit on Santa's knee.)
-watch the four good movies
-watch Edward Scissorhands. Sad. Hopeful.
-go visit Biddie and check out her Christmas village. Pretend that the little farm is where I live.
-more hugs
-read book of Luke in New Testament
-pray twice as hard as I usually do

List of Four Good Movies
-How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The real one. With the real Grinch.
-A Charlie Brown Christmas. You know, the one with the dinky sad little Christmas tree and the kids dancing and the Bible story at the end and all that.
-Elf. So awkward. So incorrect. So uncomfortably funny. So irritating. We watched it on Friday night.
-A Christmas Story, known in our house as, "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out."

I might watch Nightmare Before Christmas too, just to satisfy my dark sense of humour.

I'll be okay. I usually perk up a bit just in time. Sitting in church on Christmas eve with a candle in my hand singing the real Christmas songs...just in time.


Life, or Something Like It said...

I miss going to my little church on Christmas Eve and sitting with a candle...I miss singing Joy To The World, and Away In A manger, and of course, Silent Night. ( We sang that at my Dad's funeral, remember?).
I love the blinking lights, and I don't mind the shopping - except in the month of December. I never have enough money either, and this year will be no exception. Especially after the gas fiasco.
I look forward to seeing the people that I love at Christmas, and I can't wait for your visit, complete with Puggy goodness.

CindyDianne said...

Boy, do I ever hear ya on this one. It must be going around. Yesterday's sermon was about Beating the Christmas blues. Sadly, I don't remember how to. I know prayer was involved. Does God ever get tired of hearing from us?

I don't have my tree up. I don't have my house decorated. I don't have my gifts bought. I don't have my house clean. I don't have KB's name on a stocking. I don't have ANYTHING DONE! Ugh!

Smartypants said...

Hey sweetheart, go watch Love Actually. One of my most favorite movies, Christmas or otherwise.

= )

Timmy said...

I feel your pain. The "drink more" option helps me!

Merry somthingorother to you and yours!

Heidi the Hick said...

You know what folks?

There are people who only wish they had problems as small as mine!

I know I'm going to be okay.

Notsocranky Yankee said...

I love the lights, although they don't need to blink. I found out this year that Cranky hates when the lights don't blink on the tree. They ALL must blink. I always thought he put on a few of the "steady" ones to mix it up -- he told me he was just to lazy to figure out which bulb was messing up the string. And yesterday he hung up lights outside, just for me, because he hates them and hates putting them up. I don't like coming home to a dark house when all the others on the street look so nice. Woops, I went on and on about the lights..

Love your Christmas movies. We've watched 3 of those already this year -- I don't think we have the Elf DVD, but we've seen that before. We watch the "Shoot Your Eye Out" movie on Thanksgiving. I think that is my favorite movie to watch over and over again.
I also like "The Year Without A Santa" because I like the heat miser song...

Hey, do you have an email address? Like maybe an anonymous yahoo address like I use for blogging? I want to send you a link that I don't want to post on a blog.

dilling said...

I don't even really have a clue it's Christmas this year...don't watch much tv, haven't been to the mall in eons...just last night saw the light display at the park, more or less by accident. it's been the smoothest year so far for me but we are going to visit my family soon for the season...that always ratchets up the holiday blues a notch or two. Oh, and yesterday I did watch Home For the Holidays(with Holly Hunter?) and loved it...painful, awkward and makes me realize my family holidays must be normal enough to make movies about. My only gift to my family every year now is a donation to St. Jude's Children's Hospital on behalf of us, because nothing I buy them will compare to one more kid coming home to ther family for their holidays... Michael fends for his own family stuff and we have a single gift, price limit agreement between us. It doesn't sound too "sprited" but it has helped tremendously.

RWB said...

It seems that you and Santa are feeling the Christmas Blues this year!

Santa is Pissed
T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have good mind to scrap the whole works
I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from ATO sent me a letter
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause money?
And the kids these days - they all are the pits
They want the impossible... Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls... Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them
They want computers and robots... they think I'm IBM!
If you think that's bad...just picture this
Try holding those brats... with their pants full of piss
They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile.... their mums think I'm weird
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason
I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!!
I'll laze in the sun - into bed I'll get tucked
And those snotty nosed brats….. can go and get $#@!&*.

Heidi the Hick said...

Biddie- we will bring the Puggy goodness to you for Christmas!

Cindy- I don't think God gets tired of hearing from us, at least I hope not!

Smarty- I can't believe I forgot that one!!

Timmy- haha!

Yankee- y'know it's not the blinky lights so much as the flashy lights. Yeesh! I admit, there is something special about little Christmas lights when it's so dark this time of year.

Dilling- I think you handle the occasion beautifully. We each have to do what's right for us.

Rwb- ha ha! You gotta wonder eh?

Tod said...

I have always enjoyed Christmas. I don't think the feeling has ever worn off. Although being an aethiest I do tend to filter out all the bits I don't like and make it my own.

Angel said...

Don't feel bad Heidi, I hate Christmas too.

Heidi the Hick said...

Tod- I can tell you love Christmas!

Angel- (I'm trying not to feel bad!)

terry said...

we all put so much pressure on ourselves to create the "perfect" christmas, it's inevitable to feel as you do.

i say, make a drink, and go watch "a christmas story." you can't help but smile...

The Adult in Question said...

I wasn't feeling festive but you know what cured that? Five dozen sugar cookies. Bake them. Eat them. Live and breathe them. Okay, that's what I just did for the last two hours. You should come watch Elf, Rudolph and both versions of the Grinch with us. You know, my mom lives and breathes Christmas...all year long.

Balloon Pirate said...

I've already done 3/4 of the movies.

you know how i feel about the season. it's the one time I can walk around and, at least for a little while, as long as I''m away from the major shopping areas, people seem to be as nice as I would like to be.


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Heidi the Hick said...

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(Ask Bono.)