Secrets

I don't many have secrets of my own. I have a few things I don't tell so easily, some things I don't feel like sharing, and some things I'm saving up.

This is for you, CindyDianne, since you asked me nicely and you're just so cute.

1) I sort of, in many ways, a little bit, kind of hate Christmas. I feel pretty bad about it. I should be eager to celebrate the day chosen to mark the birth of my saviour, you know, me and Jesus we're like this but there's so much to get irritated with and I hope despite this you can all still like me.

2) The first time I thought about killing myself I was 12.

3) The last time I thought about killing myself was Thursday December 7 2006 at approximately 3:30pm.

Edit: I have to make this clear. I have thought about it and probably will again but I WILL NOT do it. Ever. I tell myself that it's just a thought, it doesn't control me. It's not the answer. Life is the answer.

4) I often wish I had the guts to develop what tiny shred of musical talent I have because other than my whole poor sleep thing and my strong homebody tendencies and avoidance of big cities, I think I would have made a pretty decent little rock star.

5) I find Davey Havok oddly attractive.

I'm very disturbed by this. He plucks his eyebrows and has recently taken up wearing false eyelashes. This is not what I look for in a guy. I haven't plucked my eyebrows in twenty years, although I did enjoy the false eyelashes...on Halloween. I'm pretty sure he's never ever worn flannel in his life. Or sat in a pickup truck.

But his eyes, those dark brown eyes! His voice, all five of them! His jaw! His totally intense stage presence, which I've only seen on TV but which knocked me out! The screaming, the mic cord wrapped around the arm!
His Jack Skellington tattoos! His Edward Scissorhands wardrobe! His top lip is so curvy I almost can't look at it! Honestly, it's killing me. (Jethro has a curvy top lip and sometimes I can't hear what he's saying because of it.) Davey also has those two little lines under his bottom lip and I'm getting dizzy over it. This man wears more makeup than I do. I'm troubled.

Jethro, who has excellent gaydar (remarkable for a long haired country boy) after working in the music business for almost 20 years, figures that Davey here is not gay but I don't care, I just want to listen to his haunting voice and spooky lyrics about dark nights and bare trees and the sadness of knowing that nobody will ever understand you, and I want to keep not looking at his top lip so that I don't go crazy.

So there ya go, 5 secrets and they're not secrets anymore. Man I feel like I'm sitting here in my undies, I'm so embarrassed. yeesh.


And yet I feel strangely free...

oh wait, is it Friday?





Much better. All is right with the world again.

Next week is list week. Make sure you come back because I'll have five days worth of lists. I promise it won't be as boring as it sounds!