Equestrian Chic?????

Let's get this perfectly straight right now. I'm a hick. I ride like a hick. I started off with twine string tied to an old driving bit for a bridle, and holes in my jeans, and braids in my hair, and a very old, very grumpy Shetland pony mare. I didn't ride western back then. I rode like a farm kid.

I believe that western riding can be just as intricate and precise as other more respected, more elegant riding styles. I also have so much respect for dressage, hunting and jumping.

Even the apparel is elegant. But I'm a hick, remember? Jeans and boots, baby.

So you can imagine my mixture of shock and laughter when the Toronto Star declared recently that for Fall 06, it's all about EQUESTRIAN CHIC!

Check this out.tee hee hee! Does she know that she's all baggy? If you've done any riding you'll know that anything flapping around is bad news. And the helmet. Most riders I know get that thing whipped off the moment the boots touch the ground again.

This is a total scream:It's like, Dirty Dancing meets Seabiscuit! Nobody puts Baby in the corner of the stall!!!
HOnestly, I"ve ridden in shorts. It's really not that comfortable but if the other choice is melting in the heat, sometimes you'll take the squeak of flesh against saddle skirts. Please, it's not as sexy as it sounds. But these pants-like things...look how low the waist is. I wear my jeans that low. Not to ride! If I see one more girl at a horse show with pants like this, and her shirt pulled out, and her undies sticking out...I'll haul her off the horse and pin her shirt to her undies!

This is how equestrian apparel is supposed to fit:I mean, even I know that.

See this pin, shaped like a snaffle bit? It gives me nightmares about a snotty girl with these on the front of her loafers- people, don't wear shoes known as loafers- and when I told her she had snaffle bits on her shoes she looked at me like I had three heads. What the hell did she know?

I think it's a bit of a stretch to lump this mink hat in with anything equestrian:I just don't get it.

Although I admit that I do like this bag.Even though I'm not sure how it can be called a saddlebag.
I don't think anybody can argue with the boots though.We should never argue with boots. Ever.

Let's be honest though. This belt is ugly. Versace, Gucci, I don't care. It's butt ugly.

So, as much as I wanted to tell you all about young horse crazy girls being completely mislead by the world of fashion, and how the non-horse world often has very wrong headed ideas about the horse world, I'll have to get off my high horse now. Because when I looked for some nice western wear to show you...I couldn't find it. Most of it is just plain gaudy and has nothing to do with the practical hard working clothes that it evolved away from. I want denim and leather. No sparkles. No shiny things. Keep that in the show ring. I want the real thing, and I want a GREAT BIG HUGE HONKIN BELT BUCKLE.

I might wear this:I'm not crazy about the colour but it could do. I'm thinking that model's soft white hands have never touched a hay bale. What do you think?

Wait another 6 weeks and I'll show you some real equestrian chic. I'll show you some flat out hick chic. Them there are genuine Wrangler jeans. That's an actual flannel jacket that I found in the backseat of a junked car. And that's no Mink Hat, kids. That's a genuine farmer ear flap hat. That's what I'm talking about.

By the way, if you type COWGIRL into Images, you get stuff like this:


Sigh. Misconceptions. I don't dress like this. But I hear Halloween is coming...hahahahaha!