Thursday, March 30, 2006

Puttin a Country Bumpkin on an Airplane

Okay, am I ready? No. Checklist:
HAIR- dyed purple, actually, several different shades of purple as well as a bit of pink sticking through and some spots where my stubborn german hair wouldn't colour very deeply. Has nothing to do with being german; I simply like to claim it as an excuse for any kind of stubbornness.
SUITCASES- not packed. I'm still doing laundry.
DOG CAT HOUSE KIDS FISHIES-all taken care of
HUSBAND- always cooler in these situations than his anxiety riddled wife
PORTABLE PHARMACY- got my St John's Wort capsules ready to go--apparently if I don't take one twice a day I become despondent and miseable. We don't want that do we? I have my mysterious Chinese tea which calms the bad shakies which I got after going off the meds. And as a last resort I have my anti-anxiety pills which I hope I won't need. At last year's Juno Awards I went through the entire weekend without a single drop to drink, on account of the old "avoid alcohol" thing. Since this is happening on the East coast, where the best beer in Canada is made, I am glad I'm off the old meds. The beer is already there, waiting for me.
THE BATHROOM SCALE-I've been doing this stupid thing where I weigh myself twice a day for the last two weeks. Stupid. I should not care. But I am convinced that if I go over 117 I will not fit into my jeans and that would be a disaster. Actually three pounds makes a huge difference on me because I'm short. But still. So I'm bottom heavy. I'm thinking of making up a sign that says, "Oh yeah? Well I've had two babies! Kiss my round butt!" however I really don't want that offer to be taken up. This is the Canadian music biz after all...who knows where everybody has crawled out of!!! (Same kinda places I did...)
GOOD BRAS- I am bringing my two best bras. Even my tiny littl'uns can get dressed up once a year.
BOOTS- Aside from my sneakers with the good arch supports (because I'm getting old and creaky) I'll be wearing my white boots with the four inch heels. I think they're four inch. Does it even matter at that point? I'll be a whopping 5'4" and therefore slightly less likely to get stepped on in a crowd.

I'm really considering trying to get my photo taken with Pammie. If we can fit her in the camera, with all that big...hair. It's not that hard to corner a famous person. This is Canada. Our rock stars are on the same cheap WestJet flights as the rest of us because they don't have any money. Except for Pammie because she is an International Superstar.

If you're new here and don't know why we're going to Halifax, scroll down.

So. As of tomorrow afternoon I'll be up in the air. I still can't get used to it! Jethro, being the son of English immigrants, has been doing this his whole life. Me on the other hand, would still have both feet planted firmly on the ground without him. My ancestors came to this continent oh, 200 years ago, and I one of the few in the straight line from them to get on a plane.(My paternal grandparents, Pastor & Mrs, went on a tour of the Holy Land in the 70's. They were adventurous Mennonites.) My folks never went anywhere; it's hard to leave 50 acres and a few hundred critters, so we just didn't. Now they can't be bothered. I don't think my sister has been out of the province, and now that she is a woman with a business to run, she has every reason to stay home too.

I, as you may have already guessed, am a little different though. I have a small degree of wanderlust. I am a homebody but I sure like to see how others live.

Air travel doesn't really scare me much. Other drivers scare the crap out of me. But we've already discussed this, so you know that I am aware that all other drivers are out to get me. There is so much less traffic in the sky. I never look out the window of a plane and go, yeesh, buddy, it's my turn in this intersection! And the clouds are so beautiful from the other side.

What freaks me out is that once I'm up there, that's it. No changing my mind. No getting out. No running down the side of the road screaming and waving my hands over my head. I have never actually done that. But, the point is, in a car, I could. If I allowed myself to, I could.

It's only a two hour flight. And what are we doing once we're off the plane? It's so rock n roll.

Airport. Hotel. Party. Club.

See ya.


Notsocranky Yankee said...

Have a great time! BTW, I think you're giving Pammy way too much credit -- I don't think that dumb blonde shit is an act.

Pack the camera!

Heidi the Hick said...

She'd have to be an actual actor to successfully to the Dumb Blonde Act. And she's not an Actor, she's an International Superstar.

Smartypants said...

Have a good time, sweetie! = )

Heidi the Hick said...

Thanks Babe!