Party with Rock Stars!!!

In two days I'll be in Halifax, Nova Scotia, for the Juno Awards. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm even getting my semi-annual haircut for the occasion. I also intend to re-pink my hair because it means that much to me.

About five years ago, a brilliant decision was made to move the show around every year. It's perfect, because this a rather large country by land mass, and scattered around this country are little scenes here and there, little pockets of music. Much to Toronto's shock, the world really doesn't revolve around it! We get lots of Toronto in our diet. We need to move the love around.

Here's a list of all the cities I've been in, mostly for weddings (Not counting driving through on an interstate)

-Toronto
-Ottawa
-Regina
-Winnipeg
-Calgary
-Chicago
-London England
-Cambridge, England
-Oxford England
-Cardiff Wales

I think that's it.

Our first time at the Junos would have been around 1989, when Jethro was a student of recording engineering, and his whole class got tickets. It was held in Toronto of course. We were there for the telecast and that was it. Out you go, show's over. This was the year made special by Milli Vanilli, who a l m o s t made it back to the mics by the time the taped vocals started. But we weren't supposed to see that.


This year's host: International Superstar Pamela Friggin Anderson. I really hope she restrains those flotation devices. I have mixed feelings about her. She's probably very warm and friendly in real life, and I've always suspected some real prettiness under the paint. I like her just because she is the only woman who could play Dolly Parton. Her love for animal rights is admirable if a little wack. (I think PETA are a bunch of idiots who think it's cruel to ride a horse. Duh.) That and she comes off like a real ditz, and the dumb blond act gets old very quickly. It is an act, isn't it...? How else do you achieve the International Superstar designation?

It is costing Jethro's business a truckload of cash for us to attend all three evenings of this little shindig. But, I whine, I've been a studio widow for 15 years. I wanna party, dammit. Last year I was all messed up on prescription meds but this year I'm feeling much better now, thank you.

Jethro is a Caras member now (Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences) which means he can vote on who gets what award. Allow me for a second to bitch about The Way Things Are Done. We went to the website to vote, but couldn't get the music player to actually play us some of the tunes we were trying to vote for. Lame, people. So we guessed. Mostly we voted for somebody who was not Nickelback.

As usual, those in charge of the categories have got their heads stuck in an orifice. No surprise there. Not that it really matters; we're just there to hand out business cards. It's a kid-and-dog-and cat-and barn chore-free weekend We can go see a few acts that we normally wouldn't get a chance to see. And party with rock stars. That's right, I will be partying IN THE SAME BUILDING WITH ROCK STARS!!!!

Don't bother looking for Jethro Thehick under engineer of the year. It's not his real name, silly! He didn't nominate himself. He has worked on four albums that are up for awards, but they aren't the ones he wants to get his recognish for. Next year...next year.

Here are some people who won't be there this year, leaving some room for everybody else. Geez.

As much as I think it's great that women dominated the awards for uh, ever, that's enough now girls. Let somebody else smile for the camera.




They're all really busy right now, like, talking about getting married (Alanis) practising curling their hair (Avril) hiding with reclusive family (Shania) and of course, Being Celine.






















And here is the kind of guy we love to give awards to. This was Sam Roberts in 04 but in general we love our scruffy rockers who look like they crawled out of the bush long enough to plug in an amp.

And I still don't get Arcade Fire, or any of those other "collectives" which I suspect is a result of being way too nice aobut things and promising all of your friends a spot in your band. I know, because this happens in our playroom with the neighbourhood kids about every five weekends or so. You don't want any of your friends to feel left out, so she gets to play the, uh, oh I know, the rainstick that I made in Grade three. Now you're in the band! It can't end well, this approach. How many vans do you need to get to the gig? And how the hell do you split up the $250 you get after the gig?????