Friday, February 17, 2006

Fame! Notoriety! Knee Buckling Fear! ACTING!

Today I'm going over to the local community theatre to return a script and tomorrow I'm going to AUDITION for a part in a PLAY and I haven't done any ACTING in over TWENTY YEARS...other than the last few years of pretending that everything's okay, and I really don't have any desire to put the car on the side of the road in a spray of gravel as I slam it into park, bolting before the front end recovers from its fight with a sudden onslaught of inertia, and go running down the shoulder screaming. whew. Other than that, I haven't done any ACTING!

Has anybody seen Waiting for Guffman?

So in thinking about fear and anxiety and panic, which are all becoming rather boring to me, I've been sorting out what's what. For example, saddling up a three year old filly who has not been ridden, then putting a foot in a stirrup, and jumping on, is scary. It damn well should be; just enough fear to keep you respectful. Especially if she's the fourth horse you've started, and you know what can go wrong.

I've done that. That is old, man. Been. Done.

Now, take the grocery store for an example. I am terrified of the grocery store. Petrified. Honestly. I wish my pal Brad Pitt would come back and take me shopping again. That was okay. Otherwise, I find it to be a scary place. All those decisions to be made. Money to be spent. Food, glorious precious food, that will rot in the fridge if you end up being too mentally overwhelmed to even think about cooking let alone for a picky girl who can only eat three things because of her braces and whoo! here comes the shoulder of the road again! Look out!

Auditions? Hell, anybody would be afraid of that. But guess what? It's not life-threatening. I'll go in, knowing nothing, butterfly bellied, knock kneed and wet armpitted. And read some lines, or whatevs.

Has anybody seen Team America? ACT, GARY! ACT! Look at him ACTING!

There's very little chance of this going anywhere but I think I could pull off the Ditzy Girlfriend. I'd do it with some Mia Farrow. The wide eyed innocence. I could conjure that.

I'd throw in some Julia Roberts for the teeth and hair. I could do that too.

I'm considering trying out for the New Yawk Real Estate Agent too. I'd use some Fran Drescher.

Because Bobbi Flekman is one of my heroes.

I can't see a chance to do any of my Johnny Depp stuff. But I'm still putting a picture of him in here, just because I love him so much.
God help me, I love showbiz.


Smartypants said...

Heidi, that's so cool.

I love Waiting for Guffman so you must tell us how everything goes.

Especially if they make you sing an entire song about Stools!

Heidi the Hick said...

You don't need a chair! You need a stool!

Heidi the Hick said...

I have to admit, I bought 3 tickets and the kids and I watched tonight's show, Pirates of Penzance. It was kinda cool! I was thinking I could do this, white knuckles and all! (I'm also very competitive...!)

Heidi the Hick said...

okay, breaking news. Speaking of ACTING.

Jack Black. Mexican Priest turned wrestling star. Finally gets to bust out an accent. NACHO LIBRE. Would you like to join me later in my quarters? For some toast?