Tuesday, November 15, 2005

What it takes to be a ROCK STAR

I spend a lot of mental energy on rock stars. What a fascinating species. Imagine a creature that is nocturnal and diurnal at the same time, often has multiple nesting spots, and migrates at odd times. Let's not even get into mating. Ha ha, that last sentence is kinda funny.

I think to understand, we must imagine our own voices on a videotape of someone's birhtday party, or even your answering machine. Hate it, doncha? Now imagine your voice comin' atcha through speakers-while you're singing! How much do you have to love yourself to do that? Or maybe pretend you're someone else? Imagine the need to make a fool of yourself in front of a multitude of screaming people? These, my dear readers, all 3 of you, these are special people. They may or may not deserve anything or everything, but they serve a purpose. They do all the crazy stuff that we are not doing. They are the conduit to crazy world. And that's a place I visit often!!!

some of my favourites, LIVE!!! (See Opera Vs Audioslave)
The White Stripes: Jack White is frontman, piano man, guitar man, and my favourite, Marimba Man!! Here's a guy who plays his ass off and says maybe fifteen words in two hours, yet you're hanging off of every note. He's such a strange little man. He rocks, but he might be a bit of a nerd. His guitar is out of tune, but possibly in a very deliberate way? Always keeps you guessing. Especially with the 3 Amigos suit and the smarmy mustache.

Chris Cornell: Loved him in Soundgarden. that video with the shirtless guys and the flames and all that, that wrecked my head one day in college. Good stuff. In Audioslave he is totally pro and still unpredictable. Some of the minor notes he hits make my hair stand up- in a good way. And he keeps getting more beautiful, damn him.

Rage/Audio guys: Morello Commerford and Wilk are STUNNING. Listen to this. Heavy. Precise. I mean really listen, Put down the broom and listen.

Motley Crue: Yes, that's right, I went to see them in Toronto last winter! THey were great! The dancing girls, circus tent, evil clowns, contortionists, flames, choppers, everything was crazy, and to top it all off, the guys actually PLAYED WELL which was just a pleasantly surprising cherry on top of the whip cream! I screamed and laughed so hard I didn't have a chest pain for a day after! There's your rock n roll psychotherapy for ya.

Billy Idol: My best friend's 17 yr old daughter took me. We got sent down to the floor to be within sweating distance and sweat he did. I gave my young friend a poster I had of him that's now twenty years old. I was close enough to confirm that yes, Billy looks better than ever. The wrinkles are perfect. He told stories between songs that were basically unintelligible. I still laughed.

Other Rock Stars I love:
Bono: Okay, I know, he's more a world saving guy now, but a quote in Rolling Stone that said it all for me. "I am sick of Bono. And I am Bono. But at least we're not boring." Or something. And let's face it, the man can SING.

The Darkness: These guys make me smile every time. Justin Hawkins is like the 90's anti-rockstar. He manages to be the swagger and take the piss out of the swagger at the same time. He's got a tattoo of his OWN NAME on his shoulder. How cocky is that? If you've only heard his crazy falsetto, you're cheating yourself; his chest voice is great. And he can fit a lot of syllables into one bar of a song. fun. None of this would matter if these guys were wanker hackers but they can play. They're very very good player. Plus they're ENGLISH and I LOVE English men. Just love them. Ask my husband.

Robert Plant: I fell in love with him at age 15. (Also English!) If you don't know why, I suggest getting the DVD, watching the performance of The Immigrant Song. I dare you to not fall in love. This guy came along and made a new blueprint for Rock Stardom: gorgeous and aware of it, lean, direct, powerful and in control. Why do so few acts cover Zeppelin? Because nobody can sing like Robert Plant. I've been listening to him for twenty years and he still stops me and makes me wonder why the world is such a place that I will never ever have what he has.

Davey Havok from AFI: this is a new one for me. This guy is crazy. He's not English but I like him anyways.

Angus Young: You have to be very assured of your own coolness to get on stage in short pants and a tie. Rock on my little australian guitar god!

David Lee Roth: It helped that he had a SOLID band behind him. Another character who didn't take himself too seriously. He brought the fun to the party. I bet he's a hell of a paramedic now.

JET: They're a bunch of skinny upstarts. Excellent rip off artists. We'll see where this goes...

Billy Talent: wild frontman, tight band. Great tunes. They're Canadian so they're not extremely nasty. Punk your kids can listen to.

Bif Naked: I wish I liked her music more, but she's great. She should be a role model just for being so healthy and buff. the tattoos which would be icky on any other woman look like art on her. I don't even care that she's not a technically great singer- she more than makes up for it in buckets of attitude.

Johnny Depp: Yeah I know, he's not a rock star, but be could have been because he's got the triumvirate of attributes: crazy, doesn't give a crap what you think, and beautiful even when dirty. And I just wanted to see his name in my blog again.

There are so many more, but I have to close the chapter on this hobby of mine because I have a crappy novel to write before the 30th and the clock's tickin!

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