Friday, July 08, 2011

The Will & Kate Show goes to the Stampede! Plus - Bucky's birthday! Plus - Heidi goes off on a rant!

First thing I said to the kid this morning was, "You are a lot bigger now than you were when you came out." He rolled his eyes in disgust.  At least I didn't remind him that he came out with racing stripes.

Yesterday I bought the kid new shoes.  They are size 11 so he's only got another three sizes to go and he and his Dad can swap shoes.  That should save me a couple hundred bucks for a few years.  Also, last space shuttle EVER launched today.  Bucky used to draw pictures of the space shuttle and give them to his Kindergarten teacher, Miss Leonarrrrd.  Awww.  Space shuttles.  Bye.  (nostalgic tears)

Big news - THE ROYAL COUPLE GO TO THE STAMPEDE!  You know what, I give up - I love Will & Kate.  Yeah I know their little 9 day whirlwind tour of Canada is costing me - that all of us Canadian tax payers are funding this trip.  I know they didn't actually DO anything useful other than like, do a smudging ceremony (smoke!  feathers!) and eat BBQ caribou.  Whatevs.  It was very entertaining.  And she wore the same dress on Canada Day that she wore in her engagement pictures.  See?  Like a real person and all.

It's worth having them here to get fun pictures like this!

So of course the animal rights groups are upset about this visit to the Stampede.  

Listen folks.  You know me. You know I love critters.  I grew up surrounded by critters.  I am the caretaker of seven, including the two barncats.  I'd like to think my critters are well taken care of, respected and yes, loved.  I'm disgusted by animal cruelty. (Except lab rats.  I hate rodents.)

However.  Most animal rights groups set my teeth on edge.  I keep getting the impression that most members of these groups don't really understand that there is a huge massive difference between abusing animals, and living and working with them.  

For example.  Saddling a horse and riding him for a few hours.  NOT ABUSE.  Working a horse until he sweats.  NOT ABUSE.  Saddling a severely overweight horse who hasn't been ridden in a year on a 5 hour trail ride with no breaks for water while kicking him mercilessly because you don't know how to actually ride a horse and have no clue how to ask him to move forward, all the while sawing away at his mouth with a 5-inch shanked curb bit because it makes you look cool and bitchin like a cowboy.  ABUSE.  

Riding a bronc for less than eight seconds?  Okay kinda crazy but not abusive.  TO THE HORSE.  Where the hell is People for the Ethical Treatment of Cowboys????  Huh?   

On that note, here are Mr & Mrs Cambridge watching the mutton busting.  Yep, start 'em young.  

The sheep is the size of the average family dog, doesn't run very fast,  and the kid's wearing a hockey helmet. Most kids get way more damage doing organized sports.  Mind you if the kid grows up to be full-on adrenaline junkie crazy, he'll get into bull riding at which point, you can't tell him anything.  Just let him hit the ground and run a few times until he gets sick of it or can't walk without all his bones screaming.  (And he don't even have a PETofC to complain to the media about how meeeen this is.)  

Honestly, I've been to lots of rodeos (okay yes they were all Ontario rodeos so they weren't anything like the Stampede, Albertans please don't laugh at me...) and being the kind of person who just has to know everything, I like to have a good look around.  Ever seen the bucking horses load up after a rodeo?  They plod up into that trailer like nothing.  They stand there with their eyes contentedly half closed.  They have the best job in the equine world... get fed, get cared for, and only work for eight seconds.  

Also.  Horses like to work.  My hot little red half-arab half-QH was the perfect example.  He friggin well knew that the keyhole race was the last gymkhana event and he trotted in there like, "YO!  Champ is HERE people.  Here to WIN! Yeah, you know you love me!!!  CUZ I'M THE BEST!"

And another also.  Any cowboy who intentionally harms a cow or calf or bull is an idiot.  You don't harm the animals you make your living off of. Of course there are a few bad ones.  Hey, there are bad farmers and bad soccer moms too.  Nobody likes them and nobody wants to work with /for them.  

And one more also.  Seriously you see a bull rider in action and you think the bull is the one suffering?  I'm sorry, I can't help you.

Wow, A RANT! Yay!  I must be feeling better! O my gosh I wonder if I'll get hate mail!

But back to the real reason why we're here.  WILL AND KATE.  The Duke and Duchess.  The Hope For The Future of a Good Looking Monarchy.  

William.  Way to wear a plaid shirt.  Those are some shoulders, Your Highness!

I'm of the opinion that almost everybody looks good in a cowboy hat. 

But don't call these Stetsons.  They're not. They're  Smithbilt.   Canadian. 

Now it's time for one of my of my favourite Hick Chic features: WHAT ARE THEY THINKIN'?

I've been across this giant country and back in just over a week.  It would have taken two weeks to drive from one side to the other.  I've done fourteen events per day.  I am knackered.

However that overnight stay in the isolated cabin up in the mountains with no electricity was quite... relaxing.  Yet also invigorating. Yes my darling?  You are smashing in that cowgirl attire.  (If it's a girl, shall we call her Alberta???

Side note from Heidi - Prince Swagger!  I think he looks slammin' like that!  Anybody need some cattle worked?  The guy already knows how to ride a horse!

Here's a good one:

PRIME MINISTER HARPER: Darnit, even in a cowboy hat I still look slightly dorky.  Okay fine, just dorky.  I already tried public performances of Beatles songs.  Still not cool?  Geez.  Oh well, I am the Emperor Prime Minister of Canada, so...yeah.

PRINCE WILLIAM DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE PILOT OF RESCUE HELICOPTERS:  I feel so...stunningly handsome in this attire.  Shall I keep the cowboy hat, Kate?

CATHERINE "KATE MIDDLETON" DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE: Ha!  I've already arranged to have the entire outfit shipped back to our home in remote Wales where we live like normal people!!"

And since this blog is called "Hick CHIC" as opposed to "Hick No Sense of Style Whatsoever" I gotta say... I like what she's wearing!!!  Not very flashy, but in her line of work, flashy is not smiled upon.

But as much as I adore Kate - and I do, I give up, I give in, she got me - I just don't think she has enough, um, substance, uh, weight, to really make this work. To really pull off this look, I think a girl's gotta have more backside.  When have you ever seen a legit cowgirl with minimal backside? I'm not even a legit cowgirl and I've got some.  But she's got legs a mile long and makes everything else look like a million bucks so she's good.

And then poof they're gone. 

So Los Angeles, you're next.  

I know, it'll be all over the news that The Royals Go To L.A. and nobody will even know they were in Canada let alone had not one but two romantic wilderness getaways and the rest of the world will wonder why the heck their first kid's name is Canada.  But it's okay.  Cuz they were wearing jeans and cowboy hats so things are right in my world.  

Now I just have to whip up a cake for the boy's birthday, make sure he and his friends don't shoot an eye out on the "target range" and then try to find a channel with some rodeo coverage!!!  

Yee Frickin' Haw!


Heidi the Hick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
annyong said...

Smudging is DEFINITELY useful! It cleanses your mind and body of bad spirits! GOSH

You know since I'm taking a course on Canadian Aboriginal peoples I'm gonna be all over this s**t. xD

annyong said...

Also that deleted comment was me, because I posted as you. :D

Paul Tee said...

I said this before: I think we should put Will&Kate on the $10 bill now, while they still look so yummy and not wait until they need walkers to get around.

For Heidi's sake, I further propose that they ought to be riding horses with WESTERN saddles (after all, it is a Canadian currency we're talking about) and that clothing be declared optional. I think that would boost the value of Canadian dollar on the international money markets.

Rowan said...

Don't forget the night aboard HMCS Montreal (I was there). The 'knackered' comment is probably the most accurate. :-)

Heidi the Hick said...

Rowan - and good for them, right ? (when you say you were there , you mean like, in the crowd waving, right ? Not looking over anybody's shoulder right?

Paul I totally agree. Our cash will look even prettier!

Annyong. YOU SAID S**T!!! Are you standing in it? Haha.

Rowan said...

Actually, I was part of the ship's crew. Didn't get to see them much, it was all very controlled (no surprise there). They stayed the night and disembarked in Ville de Quebec not long after the church service.

Heidi Willis said...

No matter what you write, Heidi, you have me thoroughly entertained. I just love your blog!