Wednesday, December 30, 2015

The 2015 Provide Your Own Blog Party Christmas Holiday Adventure!!!

Hi folks.  We're doing things a little different this year! Our Annual Blog Party post will be a more collaborative effort.  Sometimes we gotta change things up.  You're going to help me with this.  Ready?  Of course you're ready.  You're always ready for a party.

What would you bring to a party?

Please bring the imaginary version of that.  To the comments section.  It's imaginary so go nuts!  Bring whatever you think my Blog Christmas party needs!  It doesn't even have to be food and drink related.  Surprise me.

And WHO would you bring to my party?  

This year I would like to bring the new Prime Minister and more importantly, fellow Christmas Baby, Justin Trudeau.   Let's bring Justin's brother, Alexandre, too!  He's also a Christmas Baby! And while we're at it, let's bring Annie Lennox, because she's not just awesome, she's also a Christmas Baby!

Of course I'm going to invite Johnny Depp because duh.  No brainer.

How about we ask Tilda Swinton to join us?  She could wear head to toe silver sparkles and be our own ethereal disco ball of happiness.  And Dolly Parton.  Because why wouldn't we want Dolly Parton to be here?

Who else do you think would add some life to the party?

How is your Christmas season going?

You good?  You tired?  Have you at any point decked halls, gone for a sleigh ride or slept in heavenly peace?

Let's have a competition for worst Christmas song or movie.

Go for it!  Don't hold back here.  This is important.  Like, I thought The Holiday was a huge waste of both Jack Black and Kate Winslet but I really like the little English cottage.  (Which I have recently read was fake.  Why do I look at the internet at all?  Dream crusher.)

Tell me what you liked about 2015?

I can tell you what I liked about this year: I got a house to live in.  If nothing else good happened, that would do.

Got any plans for 2016?

I think this year I'd like to get my s**t together.  That's a worthy goal, not?  Just vague enough that a year from now, I can find a way to say, yeah man.  I really got it together.

Let's party out this year ok?  I'll keep checking in until New Year's Eve, which is tomorrow.

Bring the party to me, people!!!!



Heidi the Hick said...

I'd like to start this off with a huge bowl of my mom's BitsNBites. It's got cheesy stick things and pretzels and bugles and cheerios and peanuts and it's sinfully good and salty. She only makes it at Christmas. Here in blog world, it's totally calorie free and you can stuff handfuls of it into your food hole with deranged happiness! Okay I may have done that in real life.

Also BLOG NOG. Like I always say, it's consequence free in your mind and even if you don't like real egg nog, Blog Nog is delicious! Won't mess with your blood sugar or anything.

So I'll just drop those off in the kitchen while I go back out to bring in my special guests: two sparkly scarlet and green peacocks! They were out of turtle doves and french hens at the Christmas critter farm.

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh also Merry Clayton, who sang "Gimme Shelter" is a Christmas baby. Now her name makes sense, right?

Paul Tee said...

I’m bringing Donald Trump... at least I’m negotiating with his staff to get him to come north. I explained that as Canadians we don’t get to vote in American election, but we do have vested interest in the outcome. He is as much our president as theirs. I stress that an appearance with us would boost his international image. I also explained that we have many closet Republicans in Canada with active on-line presence that can add to his social media saturation. Up to now, I haven’t heard back, but I’m still hopeful. (Btw: I’m a hybrid republican-democrat or vice versa).

So then what would be my contribution to a pot luck setup? That would depend on the available ingredients that aren’t murderously expensive, because there was a drought in California and the CAN dollar is so low. So this has to be a kind of a blind date, a sort of come with what you have. There are some leftovers from the Christmas dinner (because for a safety margin, we cook for three more persons that the number invited), you know, mashed yams, cranberry bread and nut cake, sliced cucumbers with chopped onions and celery.

Christmas was good. The instruction was clear: no gifts for adults, only for the kids. It worked to lower the anxiety factor, deflate reactions over last minute panic shopping. Most enjoyable and relaxed holidays ever. Highly recommend.

The family has the tradition of singing a Hungarian Christmas song, even if you don’t understand the language or can’t pronounce it, followed by a lament about Hungary that never fails to tear me up.

2016 is going to be a banner year with the following exclusions. I’ll not fly. If I can’t drive to it, it’s off the list. On the uptick, I’ll learn to get along with my boxer, make peace with the lawn mover.

I’m looking forward to blog nog, bring my personal favorite, coffee laced with Tia Maria and a dash of cayenne pepper to wake it up.

I hope to see everybody there and if not, I’ll be glad to meet up with you at the nearest Tim Hortons.

Heidi the Hick said...

Paul you can bring Donald but only if we set him on a stage for a stand up routine and then he sits down beside Johnny, who will then proceed to start at him suspiciously while sipping red wine. It'll be Yuge.

Alright then, let's sing a Hungarian Christmas song - the rest of us will do an interpretive dance?

I"m thinking of trying hot chocolate with Cointreau. Think?

I believe I'll just keep this party rolling until I get around to my next blog post. Sounds like a good way to start a new calendar!

Paul Tee said...

I can’t get a straight answer out of Donald or his staff. If he comes he most definitely doesn’t want to sit next to Johnny. He considers JD too much of a democrat or not republican enough. So I left a message that Cruz and Rubio would be coming, just to see what that would do.

Good then, I’ll print up a stack of Hungarian songs, for everybody.

My favourite drink thought is Bailey Irish Cream with a dash of Cayenne pepper.

Will there be fun, snow things to do outside? I got to know how to dress.

jules said...

Hey, I'm late to the party!!! No worries, leftover Blog Nog is still good, no matter the day! I think I'll bring Jesus. He can change the water into wine if we run out, eh? We're still partying, aren't we?

Happiest of New Years to you Heidi! And to Paul too! You guys are the bestest to party with.

I'm up for the Hungarian songs, and dancing as well. Did you ever hear back from The Trump? I won't miss him; I can sit by JD all night long.

Hope all is well in the frozen Northland. I'm glad we're all here for the new year. Happy 2016!

Heidi the Hick said...

Hey Jules, good to see you! Good call on your guest!

We've always got the Bailey's to go around, and there's a nice dusting of snow on the ground, which is nice after a wet green Christmas. We can check out the wildlife evidence: so far I've counted rabbit tracks, several sizes of kitty cats, and of course, pug tracks. So Paul, bring your snowshoes!

I won't miss the Trump either. Johnny has popped in to take a break from the red carpet life, which makes him want to vomit, and last check, he and Trudeau were having a discussion on haircuts. Or lack of haircuts. It was pretty cute.

Paul Tee said...

It’s not that I really want to invite Donald, it’s like he’s got to be the head of any party. But as always, he refuses to commit. Rubio is off somewhere in Iowa and Cruz is in New Hampshire, probably skiing.

I read in Forbes’ list that Johnny made top 10 earners again. Maybe he can spring for extra blognog.

I don’t have snowshoes, but want to bring my boxer. Maybe we can hook him up with your pug and go dog-sledding. What do you think?

Hey, Jules. I hope you’re up to a snowball fight. However, let me warn you, I used to pitch in high school. My slider was a work of art, I quote the local rag.

Btw, is there a dress code? I hope it’s not formal, because my duds are at the drycleaners, someone threw up on them at New Years.

jules said...

Paul, I am certainly up for a snowball fight. You don't scare me! ;o) I can bring my dog too, just in case the little pug can't keep up. Marcel would love to drag a sled around. Pug can ride in style.

Poor Johnny, all that stress, what with the new wife and all. I hope he's lost his bloat. Me thinks he drinks a bit too much. He's still cute though.

I don't have fancy duds either, but maybe Heidi and I can have a insulated coveralls competition. Mine are camouflage, so you'll have to find me first!!

This is shaping up to be a very fine party!!

Heidi the Hick said...

Yes my coveralls sister!!!

Paul Tee said...

The only coverall I have was made some years ago for a past Halloween.

It’s supposed to be a bear, but looks more like a Sasquatch.

I better not wear that and risk one of your redneck neighbours take a potshot at me. Or worse, you’d be flooded with Sasquatch hunters for years to come, all looking for traces of me.

On the other hand, it might inspire JD to do a Sasquatch movie, you know kinda like, the Cabin.

Do you think I can pitch it to him? I can write a helluva script.

Heidi the Hick said...

Okay I'll one up that… we can't let Jethro walk around barefoot in case someone thinks a Sasquatch is on the loose. I'm thinking buddy cop kind of thing only with Bigfoot instead of cop. Johnny's not big enough but I'm sure you could come up with a part for him - the more goofy makeup the better of course! Go! You can do this! hahahahaha

Paul Tee said...

OK, here it is sketched out:

A small rural Ontario Community is terrorized by signs of Sasquatch prints in the fresh snow. The track unexplainably disappears in a dense cluster of pines. There is one track going in, none coming out. The frightened citizens decide that the safest course is to burn down the whole copse of trees. They set fires at either ends and watch, but in spite of bone chilling cold, the fire takes hold and erupts into a full conflagration. Then, to everyone’s horror, a neighbor’s house burst into flames and before you know it, the whole subdivision is in peril.

Johnny, dressed as a firefighter (please note: as distinct from a pirate outfit), springs into action and valiantly fights the encroaching flames. We, too, join in the fight (obviously there will be bit parts for all of us), and slowly we gain the upper hand. At end count, six houses are totally consumed, eight cars are damaged beyond repair, but fortunately, no one is seriously hurt. Jonny, of course, is hailed as a hero and everyone stands around sipping steaming hot blognog..

Credits and in the shadows behind we see a Sasquatch quietly slipping away into the driving snow. (For a sequel)

Think this will work?

Heidi the Hick said...

Does Johnny get to wear a fake nose or anything? And can we have the Sasquatch like, climb the south wall of the tavern downtown while the trees are burning, and maybe they try to take him down with sling shots and frozen horse poops? I can provide that. Oh how about if there's a seemingly happy ending with the soft snow falling and happy blog nog and THEN the Sasquatch runs for it and crosses the river or something with a single bound because he's got long legs, but the narrow part of the river after the dam, right? all the little brats follow him but they lose the trail. Then Jules shows up with her camouflage coveralls and sneaks up on the bigfoot but it's not him, it's jethro out for a stroll with his pug!

This could take a while. Want some Baileys in your blog nog?

jules said...

Oh Yeah! Johnny in a firefighter uniform!! YUMMY! I think you've hit on it, Paul! I luv me some uniformed hunk-o-burning love. Love the ending as well. We can get Jethro to do the footprints, and you can do the fade at the end!

Great story!

Paul Tee said...

The end? Bah!

The Sasquatch was badly burned in the fire, and would perish soon if he can’t get any help.

It’s just so happens that there is a young, recently graduated bioengineer, Frankincense, who stumbles upon the poor demented creature and hides him in a secret lab, behind his garage. He zaps him with electricity from his solar panel, does skin grafts, body hair replacements, a bionic eye and an exoskeleton supports to help the creature’s injured left leg.

Then after intense physiotherapy, the Sasquatch recovers sufficiently to go out into the dead of night and wander around the neighborhood. Again he leaves footprints. But by now everyone believes it’s a hoax, someone trying to cash in on the old history.

However there is one, who is not fooled. A brave pug stands guard at night, not letting any intruder come near. Of course he often rouses the whole house, and disturbs people’s sleep. They think there is something wrong with the poor dog and take him to see a dog-psychotherapist, who administers lot of tests, but can’t find anything wrong with him.

Johnny appears. This time in a paramedic uniform. Administers the Heimlich maneuver and thereby cures the dog. Everybody is happy and we have more blognog laced with Baileys. The end.

We can all have roles. Auditions are next Thursday.

Heidi the Hick said...

Two thumbs up, man. TWO THUMBS UP.

jules said...

Hey! I thought it was the Heineken maneuver?!?!?!?! Still, Johnny in a uniform...YUMYUMYUM!

Heidi the Hick said...

The Heineken maneuver!!!!! Okay Jules, I'm taking that one. That's too good to pass up!

Here's to 2016! *clink*

jules said...

A very happy 2016 to you Heidi!