Go ahead and park your * team of Belgians and sleigh *snowmobile *tractor *hot rod pickup truck *dog sled over there beside the barn, and you smart fellas can put your camels under the roof.
(Oh hey, thanks anonymous cowboy! Whoever you are, thanks for letting me use your nice picture without permission!)
Welcome to the Old Homestead.
Come on into my MUDROOM.
Yep. Mudroom. Because my Mudroom is always this spotlessly clean and neat and pretty, of course.
You can hang your *thermal coveralls *snowsuit *wise man uniform *cowboy hat *woolly earflaps hat and maybe even your *snowshoes.
(If you rode in here on a donkey, please get comfortable and be assured that I do have a nice place for you to settle in, in case you need to make this an extended stay, and I'm ready to tear up rags and boil water if necessary. Just saying.)
I have a new hired man this year. I'm really excited because he's wonderful. His name is Edward. He's very shy and a little odd, but he's cute in a slightly dangerous way. I can't quite put my finger on it.
But anyways, he's an artist with tree trimming and his ice sculptures are amazing!
I see you've dressed in your best outfit for my little party. That's right nice of you!
Just be careful where you're pointing your new present there okay?
I really put a lot of work into my decorating this year.
I'm friggin exhausted but it's okay because I will be fortified with...
It's the BEST! You can guzzle all you can tolerate, and it's completely magically calorie free!
I even have some in fancy martini glasses. wink wink.
You won't feel a thing, it's okay.
Hey, wanna hear something weird? Apparently, in some alternate universes, "veggies and dip" is called "crudités"
I'm just saying, that's kinda weird, I think. But either way, can't overeat at my blog party!
I have no idea what's in the little presents on the plate. Not even sure where it came from. I'm sure Edward didn't put them there. (He's nervous about handling paper.)
Please step into my library! Like I said, I went all out this year. You should have seen me on the ladder with all this green and red stuff around my neck. I should have had a couple of those camels to stand on. But you can't trust a camel, can you? Maybe it's a good thing I had a stepladder. And hadn't busted into the imaginary rum-nog-blog.
Ha, look at this, I have pine needles in my hair.
It goes well with the bits of hay....
You might get accidentally on purpose lost in here for awhile. I have a nice reading lamp here too!
So because I wanted to go really big with the whole thing this year, I mean huge, I decided to get some really big Christmas balls. We all love big balls right?
Guys, I put up new wallpaper. I decided to be FABULOUS. Sit down, man, those chairs are so comfy you will sink down to your elbows. Let me hand you your blog-nog-rum-punch.
I got every shade of purple and pink right down to the FABULOUS Christmas tree in the corner.
(In real life, our Christmas tree looks more like this...
...and we cherish it!)
So now moving from FABULOUS to FANCILY FORMAL, the table is set....
I will probably be the first person to spill something. It ain't a party until I send a puddle across the table.
But we might be too busy carousing to sit down and eat!!!
YOU'RE A MEAN ONE, MR GRINCH!
Who knows all the words??????
Here's a question: Why do we always watch The Sound Of Music at Christmas? I'm not complaining. I LOVE that movie. I watch it every year. I grew up watching it at my Grandma's house with my cousins, every year. And yet I can't remember if there's any actual Christmas in it.
I might have to write my own version of My Favourite Things, involving thermal coveralls and fleece lined mittens.
What's your favourite Christmas movie?
Okay, it's Grinch Time.
I just read a mind boggling article in Canadian Mennonite about how the Grinch went through a restorative justice reconciliation that transformed him. THINK ABOUT IT. He stole all their stuff. Everything. Didn't leave a crumb. (The crumb that was too small for a mouse doesn't count.) Just a few bent nails and wires. And they still held hands and sang on Christmas morning because it's not about stuff.
I think we kind of stop there and figure that's our lesson. It's a good lesson. But, there's more.
THE WHOS IN WHOVILLE INVITED THE GRINCH OVER TO SHARE THE ROAST BEAST.
The never glared at him or gave him heck for stealing all their stuff. They just forgave him, no questions asked, and let him carve the roast beast.
Clearly, the Whos are Mennonite.
I'm not sure if that's what the article was saying. I think something like that. Anyways trust me it was a good article.
Also I'm turning 43 this year.
I brought some of my fellow Christmas babies too!
(technically he's a Christmas Eve baby but close enough.)
And Jesus, who is so close to flashing us a peace sign.
(technically he wasn't really born on December 25, probably, but I'm sticking with it.)
Alright, eat drink be merry, sing as loud as you can, and remember, I'll be here all day! Bring all your rowdy friends!