Monday, October 21, 2013

Hick Chic Fashion Week

Yep.  It's time.  Fashion designers are rolling out all their fun stuff for next year, displaying all kinds of artful things that most people will never actually wear.  This coincides with the time of year that I'm starting to think about those thermal coveralls hanging on a hook in the cellar and admitting that yes, very soon, I won't be wearing my nice Wrangler Q-Baby jeans out to the barn anymore...

...but don't despair!!  Last month, a nice designer did me a real solid and whipped up a nice batch of HIGH FASHION COVERALLS!!!!   I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS.   (and shouldn't ever again.)

Please enjoy this virtual fashion show.

Have you ever wished you could get all your dirty work done, while still looking super fabulous?  Have you ever wondered why nobody makes leather coveralls, which would clean up with just a swipe of saddle soap and never get hay stuck to it?

And also bring an air of classy formality to those activities that don't usually make you feel all that special.  Who could feel dull while flinging horse manure in neck to toe black leather?

Looking for something more casual?  Here's the classic denim.

Paired with a jacket I have terrible mixed feelings about.  On one hand, I'd like a quilt like that.  But without the scratchy metal parts. It's a work of art.  But on the other hand, it's kinda ugly in jacket form.  

But wait - there are no pictures of this jacket with actual arms inside the sleeves.  

Which changes everything.  How am I supposed to get a hay bale out of the haymow if I can't raise my arms?  I critique this to be a bad idea. But you can't go wrong with good old denim coveralls am I right?

Unless you still want a matching outfit.  

Pinstripes.  For those days when you have to go to a parent-teacher meeting right after chores and you just want to make sure everybody at school knows you really care.  

But of course, for a really formal occasion, you must  go with the black leather again.  Here's an outfit I like to think of as, daytime to evening wear.  

It's all about the accessories.  Just swap the plaid flannel for that fancy little sheer number and brush off all the hay and horse hair and you're good to go.  

Oh, I'm joking.  You all know you should never wear your barn boots to town!


mugwump said...

All I can think of is getting hay down the front and firmly stuck to my leather steamed parts. Then, because it's me, I would snag it crawling through the barbwire.

Paul Tee said...

What do I know about clothes and modeling? Next to nothing.

WAIT! When I was studying in Germany, living practically from hand to mouth, I allowed a friend to talk me into modeling for an upscale clothing store (for the money, of course). My friend and I were paired up with a tall slinky blonde gal, and let loose. Wouldn't you know who was sent out first on the catwalk with no real idea of what to do? Right, me, trying to unfreeze and strut my stuff on the catwalk. Not once, but three times.

I think that experience shortened my life, but I made impact. After the show I was propositioned, but from the wrong side.

So have some respect for the models, they come looking good, but hiding their insecurities and everyone of them think they are too fat and have to lose pounds. Go figure.

But when it's all said and done, I don't see you hustling horse manure in the designer denim coveralls. No way!

Heidi the Hick said...

hahaha, yeah Mugwump, because as much as I talk about how easily the hay would slip off, we all know it ends up INSIDE our clothes!!!

Paul, I cannot tell you how much it delights me to hear this story about your sordid past!!! Ya tall dark Hungarian! Please tell me there were photos. And please tell me this will work its way into a novel!

Anyways, every now and then I start thinking I should get out the ol Bedazzler and make my coveralls a little purtier. But I never have owned a Bedazzler and probably shouldn't be trusted with it. I'd end up with a fake rhinestone through my fingernail, I'm pretty sure!

Paul Tee said...

Sorry, Heidi, there are no pictures, but the event is indelibly seared into my memory and it was quite fun when I suppressed the terror of it.

Watch those sequins, they shed and leave a trail that leads straight back to you.