Tuesday, January 17, 2012

My job involves moving horse manure. Their job involves dressing up and giving each other awards. Almost the same thing. Golden Globes 2012

This is a strange awards show.  It's like the practice-Oscars, but all the TV people get to join the party, and they sit at round tables like at a wedding, and there's booze.  I have two complaints about the show this year.

1) Nobody wore a golden dress with ridiculous cleavage, enabling me to make a totally immature boob joke.  

2) Nobody spilled anything on themselves... Are these people superhuman???? How do they not get something on them????

But they gotta do the show- up.  It's promotion, and without promotion, people don't go see stuff.  It's part of their job, even if all they wanted to do was to get paid to pretend to be somebody else.

Johnny Depp reluctantly puts on something clean and jitters his way through a presentation, clearly feeling like he's burning alive up there on the stage.  He then promptly disappears for the rest of the show.

The Jolie-Pitts spend a couple hours dressing up - well maybe not Brad so much, at least not his hair, because I suspect he's decided to just ignore it for awhile and see what happens - and stand still for the cameras  Part of the gig.  Just do it. 

 Have some small talk prepared for reporters.  Don't forget to gaze at each other lovingly/ lustfully.  Wonder what the kids are up to... they better go to bed on time... whoops, that might have been blank facial expression there, pick up a smile.

Angie has perfected her "I AM A FRIGGEN MOVIE STAR" stance.

RDJ showed up in a tux and tails outfit like he owned the place.  He really appears to loooove his job. Which he should.  He's extremely good at it.

Clooney looks like he doesn't even try, it's just there.  Is it possible he's that cool and funny all the time???

Madonna pretended to be speechless. 

It wasn't funny.

Peter Dinklage appeared to have forgotten he was at work - he was just really cool, happening and  likeable.

Tilda Swinton looked like she was from a different planet,  and I swear I am going to write an entire novel around her.  

Ricky wasn't quite as nasty-funny as last year, but I think the bar was just raised too high last year.  

And I'm going to go against almost everybody else's opinion and say that I like his suit.  It's different.  Ever noticed he has fang teeth?  The guy is a wolf!  

I think it's probably a lot of fun getting dressed up and doing the thing.  I enjoy it immensely!  But I've never been nominated for anything.  Jethro says it's excruciating and embarrassing.  But yet also flattering.  And you know what else it is, this business of getting nominated?

It's part of some people's jobs.

So at the end of the evening, they probably all breathe as sigh of relief, get the vicious shoes off the feet, go home and take a shower and hit the sack.  It was a long, tough day at work.


mugwump said...

I'd rather clean stalls. The um...stuff isn't as deep.

Paul Tee said...

I watched it, not too impressed.

Poor A-list, probably running around the house, blubbering, "What will I wear...I have nothing... that's for the Oscars... for the Globe I need something globally warming..."

But I can hardly wait for Game of Thrones to come on again.

Kimber said...

I love imagining what I'd say if I was up there winning something...anything...and I perfected my speech for this year: "Cheers to you Ricky. Finally, someone in Hollywood with worse teeth than mine!"

Bwah ha ha ha!

Heidi the Hick said...

Kim! AWESOME!!! In a perfect world, that happened!

(but for the record I remember you having a pretty smile.)

Paul I am completely ignorant of that book and tv series. I live under a rock.

Mug, I cannot complain.

Biddie said...

Jolie looks plastic in that pic.
I never watch, ever. Maybe I flip past it now and again, but I stopped watching long ago.
Although, if I would have known that RDJ was going to be there, in a tux and tails, I may have watched, just for a minute or two.
I love me some RDJ.
Just sayin.

heavenisabookstore said...

I owned a store where we had to mingle like this. At first it was so fun, then I realized you really can't let your hair down. You are always working. It's not as fun as I think everything thinks it would be.