First of all I have every intention of going to see "Cowboys and Aliens" because, well, duh, cowboys and aliens. Things blow up and stuff, plus there are horses. And hunky actors. All the good stuff eh?
Plus Jon Favreau is behind this, and he's done a couple great pieces of entertainment. Also, Harrison Ford, who should keep doing cowboy movies. (I mean, Han Solo really was a cowboy am I right?) And Daniel Craig, who from now on I will declare should make all cowboy movies. Also, horses.
But in the meantime I have to deal with stoopid people babbling about "Ooooh Daniel Craig in assless chaps!" and this has got to stop. Entertainment news reporters are all done up in short-shorts and cowboy boots, sitting on horses, wearing straw hats, and as if that doesn't make me want to gag - come on, really? That's not a cowboy hat, that's a Bon Jovi hat, it's not the same thing - I have to put up with these girls breathlessly going on about assless chaps!
I can't take this anymore! Listen up!
ALL CHAPS ARE "ASSLESS" OKAY?
Chaps fit around your legs. They belt around your waist, then you take one leg which is flapping around like a big sheet of leather and you wrap it around your leg and zip it up on the outside, from the hip to the ankle. Repeat on the other leg. There is no leather anywhere else except around your legs and around your waist.
There never was an ass to be less.
You will never see chaps that have an ass. There is no such thing as "assed chaps."
Please do not ever refer to chaps as "assless" and please correct anybody who uses this term. Thank you and tell them Heidi the Hick sent you.
And on a more pleasant note, as a reward for enduring my tirade...
DANIEL CRAIG IN CHAPS.
I'm here for you, people.