Thursday, February 25, 2010

When I'm there, I feel like I should be here. When I'm here, I feel like I should be there.

This week, I'm in a house that doesn't feel like it's mine anymore.  Very soon, it will not be mine.  I'm emotionally withdrawing from it, but I never said it would be easy. It's not.  Getting it all prettied up makes it even harder... it never looked this good when we lived in it!

Oh, that gorgeous oak floor.  I have been sweeping, sucking up, and mopping sawdust for three days.  Getting a floor that beautiful is hell.  That's why we didn't do it when we still all lived here.

I know back at the farm things are okay without me.  They were before I moved back, so why wouldn't they be now?  But I feel like I need to get back to work.

Of course, one of the reasons the house has taken so long to get ready is because I've been at the farm.  And Jethro's been at work.  Neither of us can be in two places at once.  

Well, this difficult stage of our lives will shift again and we'll be on to a new different kind of difficult stage.  Aren't they all?  

In a short time, I'll officially no longer be the farm kid living in the subdivision.  I won't be the co-owner of the cute little 50's bungalow in town.  I will leave behind this little patch of land that had our names on it.  

But, I get to keep the friends I made!!

I keep thinking about how many things in my life are so terribly wrong, and yet in so many ways my life is so very right.  


lopinon4 said...

I have the same problem: Understanding that I am right where I'm supposed to be. It usually doesn't feel that way!

BTW, I've tagged you. Hope you don't mind. You rock. http://lopinon4.blogspot.com/2010/02/ive-been-tagged.html

Four Dinners said...

You have years of happy times to come in your new abode.

It'll be right when it's right.


I have no idea where I am most of the time...no surprise there then...

Heidi Willis said...

The in-between places are always the worst. You'll do better when you've said your real goodbyes to the house.

And you're right. You get to keep the friends... that's the best part after all.

(and the house never looked like that before because there were people and Stuff in it!! I remember moving into the house we're in now thinking how empty and big and clean it looked, and knowing as soon as the moving truck showed up, it would be full of all the same crap we'd had for years)