Monday, November 23, 2009

Can't explain all these feelings that you're making me feel!

Are you going to miss lyric titles when November's over?

I am in love.  He's tall, broad shouldered, really good at hugging.  There are strands of silver in his long dark hair.  He's been around for so long I know him better than I know myself.  He puts up with my crazies and emotional outbursts and horse addiction; I put up with his ridiculous career and righteous rants and occasional bouts of well-earned arrogance.

You know what?  We get along really, really well.  I'd say better than most married people, from what I've seen.  Sometimes we disagree on something to do with raising the kids, but we talk it out.  We talk a lot of things out.

This year has been one of the most difficult we've had together in over 20 years.  Deciding to sell our house and move was not easily done, despite being a long term goal.  Even though we're on the same team, we've disagreed constantly, about things we theoretically agree on.  We bickered over stupid things like door hinges and painted trim.  I've felt resentful that this house is getting beautified for the benefit of somebody's wife when the New People buy the house.  He's felt resentful that he's alone while the kids and I settle in at the farm.

So we've fought more than usual.

I hate fighting.

I think it's weird that I can love somebody so much and be so frustrated by him.

Point is, I still love him.  I can feel like screaming at him but I still love him!

We have to remember that.  Staying married ain't easy.  If we don't constantly remind each other that we love each other through all this difficulty and hassle, what have we got?


Four Dinners said...

It ain't the lyrics babe it's you and him.

Life's a journey and you're in it together. That's what counts.

Spent 24 years and a bit with Caz.

I wouldn't have it any other way....and I bet you wouldn't either eh?

4D x

(actually...I have no idea about the lyrics...A) I'm drinking vodka and B) I'm listeneing to The Lightning Seeds so I''m distracted)...;-)

jules said...

I have no idea about the lyrics either this time.

DH and I have only been married since Jan 2005. Yesterday, at the grocery, a lady came up to us and said "I've just got to ask. Have you been together a long time or a short time? Cuz ya'll are so cute and seem to be having so much fun." That was so sweet of her. Love is grand isn't it? Lots of work, but really, really grand!

Biddie said...

The best advice that my Mom ever gave me (Mission Mary) was this:
You can either be right, or be with Shawn.
I have a hard time remembering that (cuz I am usually right) but it is so true..
You were meant for each other, no doubt about it. I'm so glad too, cause that way I get to see my two best friends together.

Biddie said...

Oh, and is it The Darkness???

Heidi the Hick said...

Hawwwww Biddie, you WIN!

4 Dinners, I didn't expect you to get that one, even though they so proudly wave their British flag. They're way too glam ad poncey for your tastes, I have a feeling!

Guys, I love all these love stories!

And yeah, sometimes you don't get to be right. Even if you are. Yeah.

Heidi Willis said...

I am going to miss these lyrics! I've had a great time stopping by this month!

Aw heck - I have a great time stopping by all the time... but I do like the lyric thing!

I think there are times in every relationship where things get a little rough (at least, when you stay together long enough for that to happen). Keep reminding yourself of all the things you love - and occasionally try to imagine life without him (this usually sucks the air right out of me).

You two are so fortunate to have each other. And Biddie is so right: sometimes you gotta choose peace over demanding he recognize that you are right. Sometimes, just knowing you're right needs to be enough. :)

RuckusButt said...

Oh boy, I can relate to this, especially lately. We bought our first home in the summer and now I'm leasing a horse. *Some* of us are having a hard time understanding how I can allocate so much of my income to horses ;) How to explain??

Sometimes, I am sure my hubby had a lobotomy while I wasn't looking. Seriously, how can you love someone so much yet sometimes disagree so thoroughly you can't stand it?? But after 10 years, I still know I love him, we are always on the same team. Just sometimes there is a bit of friendly fire. Keeps things interesting!

Sometimes I think the reason we can have such disagreements once in a while is because we both know we are safe to have them. If we were less sure of each other, we'd probably be more careful. You know what I mean? I think you articulate wha it's like much better...

Kerri said...

My mom swears fighting is good b/c it makes you realize how much you love each other. Which is true sometimes b/c when I get really frustrated, and we've had a lot w/ circumnavigating the globe and racking up debts, I think, fine, I can do this alone but then I realize I don't want to do it alone. I want him. So I'm sorry you're going through this but next year will be better and you'll still be w/ the love of your life-- happier and more settled.

Paul Tee said...

Arguments are never a valid measure of the failure of a relationship. Not talking is. It is silence that is the really killer. Turning away, losing contact, continuing to drift apart.
But argument itself is not a failure, can be healthy exchange. We sometimes need lines in the sand, boundries and fences, important to let the people (even loved ones) know your limits. But the thing to strive for is never put goals/issues or objects before feelings.