Monday, October 19, 2009

Jethro says I sleep too much.

To which I say, WHAT?  These days I'd spend all day in bed if I could.  Dark of night, sun outside, doesn't matter.  You know, maybe that isn't good.

Maybe I'd rather do anything other than face all this damn work I have piling up.  It's not being lazy, exactly, it's more like um, burnout?  Forced apathy?  Emotional overload?

I'll tell you one thing: moving house has meant excavating layers of sedimentary paper.  I have found some interesting stuff.  I knew I'd always kept my Dracula story from Grade 6, the one Mrs Prosser wrote a very complimentary note on the back page beside my mark, telling me to keep writing.  I had to keep all that proof that I have always loved to write and have always been halfway decent at it.  But then to find all these short stories, written before the computer phase of my life, in big juvenile handwriting, is both heartbreaking and encouraging.

Heartbreaking because I know, and realize all over again, that somewhere along the line I stopped believing in my ability, or maybe (more likely) never really believed it.

Encouraging because I know I've always had it, and still have it.

The handwriting matured, and from the quick glances before shoving it all in a box, the stories improved.  By high school I was starting into all these concepts and big ideas.  If I'd put half that effort into actual schoolwork I'd have done much better, I guess, with the whole report card thing.

Anyways.  I have so much to do and not much gumption to get at it.  At least the sun is poking through the clouds, and leaves don't rake themselves.

I must stir the snoring Pug and make him come outside with me.  Who exactly is it sleeping too much around here???


Biddie said...

I could sleep all day too. Bah.
No gumption, here either. I am still cleaning crap out, but it is such a slow process, made even slower by the fact that I want to stay in bed all day!
I think it`s cool that you still have all of that stuff. I still have (somewhere) old letters from you and Kim that were sent to me all those years ago. I love your big handwriting. I always smile when I see it, although it has changed over the years.
Hangin there :)

Four Dinners said...

The winter is a time for hibernation. There's nowt better than waking up on a cold morning and realising you can snuggle down under the quilt again.

(You also have to kick the wifey out to make a pot of tea)...;-)

Heidi Willis said...

When I taught school, the guidance counselor told me one of my students was sleeping all the time because it was his brain's way of avoiding dealing with things. I've found that to be pretty true of myself as well.

I'm not sure if just thinking about everything makes me tired, or if it's just an emotional escape. I tend to think the second. Anyway - I understand.

I'm glad you're finding your writing. I wish you really would just believe all the people who tell you this is what you were born to do. It's a gift. And I don't even have twelve years of papers to know it. :)

pseudosu said...

So glad to hear you talking about writing! Maybe we've been weirdly in sync-- I've kind of been "off" writing for a few months, but am getting back on it in Nov.
Your voice is so cool. Don't give it up!

One Red Horse said...

I despise moving. The very thought makes me want to dive under my covers. Sleep sounds like the perfect antidote to packing up every dang thing in your house and moving out with no place yet to officially call you own. Heck, I'd be buying a nice new warm and fuzzy throw so I could sleep even cozier.

Heidi the Hick said...

You know what, I am actually believing that I have this talent. I don't know why it's so hard to believe, but I'm getting it.

And yeah, wouldn't we all love to hunker down and sleep and not think? Sounds heavenly.

And the moving thing... I don't think anybody loves it, unless there's a lot of excitement about the place being moved into.

At least I love my Mom and Dad's place.

JKB said...

I agree with Heidi W. I know I sleep when I'm super stressed out or my brain just flat out doesn't want to deal.

And I've read your work. You have talent. It will happen, just nbody knows when.

Consider it a leap of faith. ;-)

lopinon4 said...

I'm quitting smoking right now (SO HARD), and I find that if I can't find something to keep myself busy, I want to just go to sleep. I think I figure it's the safest way to "get through" my tough time (intense craving).

Coffeypot said...

I hate sleeping. I miss so much stuff when I do.

As for your writing, all you can do is keep on writing. Some time, some day, it will happen for you. And I will be standing in the front row clapping and yelling away. I would whistle if I could so you will just have to accept the claps from me. Uh, I mean....