Monday, December 15, 2008

H the Heidi Magazine

December 2008
On the front cover: Heidi and her friend Oakie dress up for a fun Christmas picture. Oakie is a 12 year old QH mare at the Little Valley and will be foaling in the spring!

Page 5

Don't lie, we all know that the most wonderful time of the year is also the most pain in the butt, stressful, panic inducing, tear jerking, pressure filled, cold dark saddest time of the year. Just admit it and we'll all feel better.

But we don't have to be miserable! Here are some of H Magazine's survive-and-thrive strategies!

1) Get lazy.

No Christmas lights up? Yeah, well. So you won't get your name in the paper for having the biggest light display on your street. You'll be happy in January when you're not up on a ladder taking them down.

Got kids? See if you can get them to decorate. They might not do it perfectly but does that really matter if they did their best? Are photographers from our glossy sister publication, H at home and in the barn coming to do a photo session at your house, which requires you to have everything looking perfect? I think not. (At least, I didn't send them!)

Money problems? Tell everybody they're getting an orange for Christmas, just like kids did in the olden days, then watch their pleasant surprise when they actually get a nice book or CD of their favourite band from you instead. (You are supporting the publishing and music industries with your dollars, right? Right?)

2) Don't pig out

It's time for all that special candy and big meals and bowls full of little snacky things. EAT THEM. By all means, eat! Enjoy! But, don't stuff your face. Don't inhale like you're saving it up for later.

Sit down for your fancy celebratory meal, and savour every bite. Just take one spoonful less of everything. By the time you've cleared the plate, chances are you'll be satisfied. We always think we need more food than we really do. And besides, you wanna save room in your belly for dessert!

3) Go for a walk

I'm not saying you shouldn't watch "Elf" again. Golly heck, is that Will Ferrell funny? He is darn funny. But after you put "The Sound of Music" away, get your butt off the couch and go for a walk. You can even hum about brown paper packages tied up in string while you go for a stroll. Get some snowflakes on noses! Get outta the house. Then watch "How the Grinch stole Christmas" again. Then make a snow angel before settling in for "Charlie Brown Christmas."

4) Don't shoot your eye out.

We know you love your new Red Rider BB Gun but seriously, don't point that thing at me.

5) If you get invited to a party, go, have fun, and look awesome!

I mean, don't get all twisted up about it... just wear something you know you look good in. And then rock it like it's never been rocked before!
Hopefully you won't have to go that formal though. It's just as much fun, possibly more, to go creatively casual.

Or better yet...

6) Throw an imaginary Christmas party!

It's fun and much less work than a real party. You can invite people all over the world and don't have to clean your bathroom! Your guests will only know you're still in your pajamas if you tell them! Plus all the food is imaginary, so you can eat as much as you want and not feel a thing. No garbage, no money spent, everybody's happy.

page 10
Great gifts for the Critters in your life!

Oh you have got to be kidding. You really think your cat cares what day it is? I'll be lucky if my little-old-man-cat wakes up for presents! But I know we all have a soft spot for our furry friends. That's why H the Heidi Magazine has compiled a list of presents for critters!

-stinky chewy bones
-stinky chewy toys
-a nice soft rope tuggy toy (preferably stinky)
-those cardboard tubes inside the roll of wrapping paper
-wrapping paper
-a bed (preferably YOURS)
-the cat

-Wet food
-dry food
-a nice soft cat bed to curl up in
-a nice spot of sunshine to sprawl out in
-a cardboard box to hide in
-a piece of paper to sit on (a printout of your manuscript-in-progress will do perfectly.)

-scotch tape
-ripped up wrapping paper
-string (after untying it from your brown paper packages)
-multi level cat climbing structure (aka Christmas tree)
- tree ornaments
-the dog

-those little horse cookies they give away at horse shows that you throw in the tack box and forget about- they're probably still good but you might want to check first
-the other horse's halter to chew on

I love critters. They're possibly the easiest people to please in your entire life.

models: Dobby, Nigel, Phoenix, Copper

page 14
Special Fashion Feature: Winter Wear!

Top, Mark's Work Wearhouse. Bottom, Mountain Horse Rimfrost Tall Riders

Available in most department stores; look for boy's sizes if you're small like me!


Riding mittens from SSG


Your mom was right- don't forget a hat!

Top, visor beanie; middle, earflaps tassel toque; bottom, the classic "Uncle Buck."


Cover it all: these thermal coveralls will protect you from the cold. If I'd had two pairs I'd have taken one home to town and wore them to walk the kids to school. And go to the grocery store. I could be wearing this from November til April!

Thermal coveralls by Carhartt

Under where? Under there, and they're long! Thermal underwear aren't just for lumberjacks anymore! In the women's section they're now available in pink, black and powder blue as well as many different prints. Just because they're hidden under your clothes doesn't mean they have to be boring!

Here, our Iggy Pop lookalike is rocking the classic red union suit. I do not have anything like this but it is one of my life's goals to wear this in the future! The one-piece design means no more fumbling around in a morning haze for something warm to wear under your jeans and hoodie. Just step in, button up, and get dressed.

And for those of you who have always believed that long johns are not sexy... we've got news for you...

Red union suit from longunderwearsales.com; buff dude in long johns, no idea, doesn't really matter, but heck he's for sure warm enough, eh?

page 27


Here are Heidi's favourite tips for eating well:

1) have friends who are awesome cooks and beg them to visit you, bringing food. Bribe them if you have to.

2) Go to Mom's. She's so good at feeding people.

3) Those kids are old enough to cook now, aren't they?

4) Hello? Pizzaville? Remember me?

5) Ohhhh honey.... Darling? Sweet hunk of heavenly manliness? You know what I want for Christmas? A handsome man in the kitchen! Heck yes I meant you...!

6) Christmas party? Are they serving snacks?

7) Yay! Leftovers!

page 48

I really don't want to be feeling the stress at Christmas. I have a feeling that the only person who can do anything about this... is me.

I have to know my limits, I have to know my priorities and I have to stick to it.

This time of year can be incredibly difficult for so many of us and I often wonder how much of it is self-induced. Sure, we can blame the media and the corporate giants of shopping; we can point the finger at every god of consumerism, but when it comes right down to it, are we letting it all get to us?

Sometimes we have to make choices and compromises. This year, I refuse to feel bad about not keeping up the standards. I'm not sure who decided that houses must be seasonally decorated, or that kids need five gifts each under the tree. If that made me happy, I'd do it. What makes me happy is peace. I want to snuggle up and watch our favourite movies, read together, laugh, and go for walks in the snow. I want to sit down with my favourite people to a meal cooked with care. I want to hang around in the barn with my furry horses. I am looking forward to going to church on Christmas Eve.

In there somewhere, there will be opening of gifts. I hope I chose items that my loved ones will find beautiful or useful or both!

I don't want to be standing in a line up at a cash register, or in a car stuck at a red light. I don't want to be bursting into tears because the tablecloth doesn't match the tree skirt.

It's what I choose to make it. This year, instead of letting the stress get to me, I'm going to choose peace!
Peace to you, too!


Heidi the Hick said...

well, that was... kinda narcissistic... in a fun kind of way...

Jessie said...

That was brilliant! Where do I subscribe to this magazine? :-) Loved it...

JKB said...

I second Jessie. That was fabulous!

Happy peace-y holidays to you, too!


Tod said...

Dear Heidi,

Thanks for the stress-free Christmas tips. I shall be heeding your advice with regards to not bloating out. Though I can't guarantee not getting completely sh*t-faced on eggnog! Luckily I don't have a tree skirt or a tablecloth so no worries there.

p.s. I would like to order me one of those Long John Guys from your magazine. HUBBA! HUBBA!

captain corky said...

"Enjoy! But, don't stuff your face. Don't inhale like you're saving it up for later."

Are you crazy?!? If I can still breathe after Christmas dinner I consider it a great failure. ;)

Awesome work!

Heidi the Hick said...

Corky! Yep, I'm crazy. And hey man, if it makes you happy, go for it!!

Tod- sadly I have no ordering info on that particular item... I KNOW! Where'd he come from, eh?

Egg nog with rum? Yum!

JKb OOh fabulous, wow! Thanks! Peace, sistah.

Jessie, hi! Can you wait til Valentines day for a new one? This magazine thing is a lotta work and I need to go lie down for awhile...

pseudosu said...

OMG-- I don't care how much it costs- I MUST have a subscription to H magazine!!!!!!! EEEEEEEE!!!!
Srsly-- super post. Luv'd all the pics(man, that one guy did totally look like iggy!), and of course am on the same page (once again) about not allowing yourself to be driven bats by all the hubub - bub.

CindyDianne said...

H magazine is SO much more fun and informative than that other magazine with a letter as its name.

Thanks for the helpful hints! I am starting to feel all anxious and twitchy!

Heidi said...

Okay, this has to be the best magazine I've read in a long time! It is FABULOSO!

I'm liking the guy in thermals too. The thermals...eh. The guy... holy moly!

I almost bought egg nog today. Almost. Maybe this weekend...

bigpainthorse said...

Heidi, I LOVE your blog every time I read it, but H Magazine I love most of all. You are my holiday-stress-management guru-ess (uhh, even though my two journalism degrees and 10 years of experience tells me that, most likely, that's not a real word ...)

Happy Stress-free Holly Days to you and all of yours!

dilling said...

subscription for Christmas, please...
when is that party again?

Tribble said...

i say you do another imaginary xmas party on blogosphere. i never get invited to those but eh, its fun to read!!!

Kerri said...

Oprah's got nothing on you. So, uhm, where can I get me the innards of those long johns?

Heidi the Hick said...

I have no idea where Long John Sexy came from... I just did a google image search for long johns and there he was!

I am just so thrilled that you're all enjoying your new magazine. It was a lot of work. I'm glad I didn't actually have to hint Print or anything. damn I'm lazy.

Hey, wanna do our imaginary party on Monday instead? I'm super busy on friday. And all weekend. Hay and barn stuff. I'll be ready for a good pretend party after that.

Anybody up for it???

Biddie said...

The guy in the red long johns looks a bit like Iggy Pop. I would NOT recommend ordering him...
I still have not gotten the critters any gifts. Ruby and Bumble need gifts, too. Afterall, they have been soo good this year!
I am sure that I will stuffing my face. You know how Shawn cooks...There is really no other way :)

Tod said...

I am. All the best parties happen on a Monday!

Heidi the Hick said...

Monday it is then!

Do you guys think Iggy there in the red long johns would be fun at a party?

Trailboss said...

I love a man in long johns. he he

Olly said...

Thanks for the reality check. It couldn't come at a better time for me. I was doing so well until last week - then I hit the dreaded wall after some unexpected family drama. Haven't even been able to blog...

Train Wreck said...

Ha I have to tell you for Valentines day one year my Cowboy bought me some Red Long Johns! Yep some guys shop at Fredricks, or Victorias Secret...Mine shopes at Tractor Supply! Well they are warm. Great blog btw!

Heidi the Hick said...

Sign of true love: a man buys gifts for his woman at TSC.

Well not every woman. Just some of us!