-write a letter to both schools splaining what's going on with my kids while us parents are off partying with rock stars.
-take an XXL men's black shirt to the dry cleaners
-make sure my dress still fits
-buy cat food
-pack. don't forget undies.
-get a haircut.
This could be fun, y'know. I expect it to go like this:
ME: Hi, I'm looking for a hairstylist who's up to a challenge.
SALON: Um... okay...?
ME: Yes, I have long, thick, very wavy hair. It needs to be layered justright. And I haven't had a haircut in A YEAR.
ME: And also? Could you put some pink streaks in it? Pink makes me happy.
SALON: Um, can I put you on hold for a minute?
-find out who's in charge of that whole red carpet thing.
-decide which famous person I should make a fool of myself in front of this year.
-Two words: CELLULITE CREAM.
Can I just fill the tub with this stuff and get in? Seriously, has anybody tried this stuff? It's okay, you can be honest. I got the lumpies. I'm over 30. I'm lumpy. But man, I've been using this stuff and I think my knees are less dimply now. I think I know what'll happen if I stop using it though. Boom.
-pack a suitcase, a garment bag, a knapsack and a carry-on bag. Not a carrion bag. Totally different.
-take up eating again. I don't think almost-blacking-out every time I stand up will be good for my party animal reputation.
-I was mostly joking about the party animal reputation.
-get out the bush hog and do something about the unibrow.
-do a few of those pilates exercises that I abandoned when I started my meds and got the barfiness feeling.
-remember to breathe
-dust off my sense of humour and remember that I'll be needing it.