Friday, December 15, 2006

Guys named John and Women who Don't Really Look Like Me.

Before I get to one of my favourite subjects (Guys!)...There is something very strange about my face. I look like somebody else. It's getting worse as I get older too! Every time I go somewhere other than my usual haunts, I get, "You know who you look like?" "Are you Italian because you look like my cousin!"
"Has anybody ever told you you look like Julia Roberts?"

Yes, lots of people have told me. For years. I still don't get it. She's about 10 inches taller than me and is about a bazillion bucks wealthier. But lately, I've gotten all kinds of bizarre comparisons, including once, Catherine Zeta Jones. Ha! On what planet???? A few months ago somebody told me I look like Angelina Jolie and I laughed. I mean I laughed Hard. It's good for comedy, looking like me.

Here's the short list:

-Julia Roberts. Her ears must be ringing. I hear her name a lot. I don't really get it because as far as I'm concerned, nobody looks like her.
I know what the comparison points are. She has brown eyes, I have brown eyes. She has big wavy hair, so do I. She has a huge wide smile with what appears to be a larger amount of teeth than what other people have. Me too. We both have crazy eyebrows. But I don't think I look like her.

She has a place out in in New Mexico. I wonder if she qualifies as a hick?

-Sandra Bullock. I think it's the nose. She's cool and fun and beautiful and she has her own nose as opposed to Nose #3. I don't think I look like her at all. But I have a funny little nose. She's from Texas. Automatic cool factor.

Hilary Swank. I think it's the teeth. I think she's originally from Oklahoma. Does that make her a hick? I've never been to Oklahoma but everybody I've met from there has been totally cool.

Okay that was boring. It'll probably fall like a lead balloon and you'll all be going, "Who the heck does Heidi think she is?" Well...I think I'm Heidi. If you're wondering what I actually do look like, you'll have to wait. I am going to get up the guts to show myself but I'm waiting for a special occasion. But enough with those glamorous movie stars....


Stamos. Finally he's on a TV show that sucks less.

Jack White counts because I’m pretty sure his mama named him John. (His real mom, not like, Meg’s mother...)

John Michael "Ozzy" Osbourne. Although I don't think anybody's called him that in 35 years. Admit it, he was pretty in his youth.

John Mayer. He’s got it all- the bedroom eyes, the hair, the voice and the killer guitar chops. Unfortunately I’m not crazy about his solo work. I wish I loved his songs. He always looked slightly buzzed and I question his choice of girlfriend lately. However, I bought TRY by John Mayer Trio and it is everything I want from him.

John Paul Jones. The wall of fuzz bass sound. The unsung hero of early metal. Give him some recognish.

John "Bonzo" Bonham. My favourite drummer ever. What a groove. And those pretty English teardrop shaped eyes.

John Frusciante. I'm crazy about him lately. His spidery spooky guitar, his smoky eyes, his pretty lips, and I can forgive him for his scrawniness and the way he lost all his god-given teeth.

Johnny Cash. If you don't get it, I can't explain.

John Christopher Depp II. See now I don't know why people don't tell me I look like him, since we have the exact same cheekbones.


Okay, I'm off to run a series of irritating errands, and to tolerate the whole thing I'm choosing to think about the loved ones that I'm buying things for. Then I'm going to come home, look at my blog with the pictures, and pop a panic pill. It's all gonna be oooooookaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!


CindyDianne said...

Well! Shopping. I just wish I could get to the shopping! But, I am being driven by some internal thing to finish the decorating first! :-)

Julia? The mouth probably.

The others? Nah.

Ozzy was pretty in his youth! Who knew?

I like John Mayer - solo and trio. Although, I like his less popular songs better. AND, I LOVE his duet (from Crossroads) with Brad Paisley, Why Georgia. It is better than him doing it solo.

Not that it matters, but I thought I'd share!

and speaking of the no panic pill...

Heidi the Hick said...

What what what! Duet with John Mayer and Brad Paisley???? I must find this!

Hang in there Cindy!!!!! Get painting!

I'll be thinking of you today, ok?

Balloon Pirate said...

"Finally he's on a TV show that sucks less."

Best line of the day.

I'm still chuckling.


Life, or Something Like It said...


Life, or Something Like It said...

Ok, here I go again!
You're complaining about the Julia Roberts comparison? (or confused by it) The guy at the video store told me that I looked just like Roseanne (Barr, Arnold, insert last name here).
When I was younger, my friends told me that I looked like Nancy McKeon from The Facts Of Life (Jo). I was ok with that. Same cheeks bones, same bad attitude, same pony tail. The kids picked up on it, too, telling me that I looked like her.
Last night, KK says, 'Man, is that Jo ever ugly!' I said, 'Hey, K, you told me that I LOOK JUST LIKE HER!
I swear, that boy is rubbing off on her!
BTW, I think that I am developing a crush on John Stamos. I think that you missed a couple of other guys named John, too.....

Timmy said...

mmmmmmm, what better way to end a post, than with Mr. Johnny Depp - yumsies!

dilling said...

I have tried to like John Mayer...he just sounds much too "earnest white guy" to me...and I get bored and wander away. John Mellancamp? Especially his last few albums...and a pretty sexy grandpapa. John Prine? Musical genius and a simple smile. And I am stretching things here(especially after that earnest white guy statement) Jack Johnson... see how I got the John in there? Clever, eh? Don't know why him and not Mayer, but there it is, all the same.

coffeypot said...

You forgot me, my name is John. I'm cute in an old man sort of way.

I have been told that I look like John Wayne in “She Wore A Yellow Ribbon,” and someone told me I looked like Bill Clinton when I have my glasses on and my hair combed straight back.

After I finished beating the shit out of the guy I decided it could be worse. I could look like Ross Perot.

cara winsor hehir said...

ozzy was so hot. how unfortunate time and abuse has been to him. and johnny cash? i understand, completely.

Elmo said...

I think you look like an angel sweetie!

Marni said...

Heidi - Coffeypot DOES look like Bill Clinton... trust me. In his younger days he looked like Alan Alda (during MASH).

As for Julia. Yeah, she's a hick. She's from a small town called Smyrna, Georgia... in the same county I grew up...

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I get "John Mayer" a lot. And that dude from That Thing You Do, Scott something or other.

Notsocranky Yankee said...

I see the Hilary Swank resemblance for sure, but it's a little bit hard to give a strong opinion on the others based on seeing only 1 picture!

I like John Mayer, when I'm feeling very mellow. I liked the bit he did with Dave Chappelle (on Dave's show) and I also saw him doing some funny things on his own show -- messing with his fans a bit. I agree he is not choosing well in the woman dept. -- needs to hook up with a nice normal girl.

About the list of Johns -- is there a common look alike or is it just a name thing?

Good luck with the shopping. I'm at work now so I had to get my shopping (and wrapping!) done before today. I guess I need to find the stockings next time I'm home...

Heidi the Hick said...

Pirate--I was hoping somebody would get that!

Biddie- you do NOT look like Roseanne wahtzerface. Especially after she's got all her wrinkles pulled up. Yeesh. But yeah you looked like Nancy McKeon twenty years ago and I always liked her the best. Hated that show, liked her!!

As for missing a few...I had to stop somewhere...

Tim you know, it's a Friday thing. Gotta do it.

Dilling- good additions! Yeah, John Mellencamp, I should have thought of that. He's a farm aid guy after all!

John Coffeypot, you made me giggle out loud.

Cara, I'm so happy that you understand!!

Elmo, good to see you again!!!

Marni, I knew it! and you should sneak some of dad's photos in there, eh? hee hee!

Bugs butt- does anybody ever tell you that you look like Alpha Johnson?

Yankee- Jethro says I look most like Hilary Swank because of the smile lines. Yay for smile lines!!!

The list was just a list of guys named John that I like. And honestly it was a good way to get Johnny Depp's name in there, because I'm kinda funny that way!!!

The shopping is done. The panic pill is popped and the sandwich is eaten, now I must wrap furiously before the kids get home. seee yaaa

Simply Amethyst said...

One of my favorite guys named John: John Cusack. ;-)

My fave on your list? Johnny Cash. Awesome.

mackeydoodle said...

Ozzy was gorgeous when he was younger!!

her indoors said...

wish some one told me i look like julia roberts!

terry said...

john mayer... i feel dirty when i look at him. those lips of his just KILL me.

john stamos and johnny depp are also delightful johns. actually, they all are. nice list!

Heidi the Hick said...

amethyst- yes, John Cusack is adorable too!

mackey, he was gorgeous. Look waht time and substance abuse can do to a cute face, eh?

Indoors...YOU look just like Julia Roberts!!!!

Terry- Yes. Dirty. Lips. Kill. Is he 30 yet? Because then maybe I won't feel so...cougarish...

Heidi the Hick said...

Did anybody notice that most of the guys on my Favourite Guys Named John list have either had large experience with dangerous/ addictive substances, or just look like they have?

What does this say about me? I like bad boys? I'm foolish? I'm very forgiving?

In reality I really like my sheltered, non-illicit-substance free life. And my basically non-polluted husband. And his long dark hair...

The Adult in Question said...

My mom says that you and I have the same way of thinking "Women who look like me" And I do think that you look like Julia Roberts.