Heidi's History of Crushes

(But first, I'm pleased to tell you that my old cat has perked up over the last few days and I've asked him to stick around for awhile longer. He winked at me and purred...)

As promised, and planned, special to kick off the weekend...MY CRUSHES.

Shaun Cassidy started the whole thing. I was eight years old, going to Grandma’s house for Sunday dinner, clutching my teenie magazine to my scrawny body, babbling about how cute Shaun was and how much I loved him. One of my aunts looked at me and blurted, “But Heidi...You’re eight!” I had a Shaun Cassidy shirt. I think it was the one with the silver satin jacket. If I ever find one like that again I’m gonna get it!!!

Looking back now I think, y’know, what was he? Seventeen? Like, is that legal? Feel kinda dirty just looking at the pictures now. Cute, wasn’t he???

A few years later, in a teenie magazine, I saw John Stamos. I started watching a soap opera because of him. Kid you not. See? I’ve always been a sucker for a pretty face. Well I got sick of Days of Another World Turning, and then he became Uncle Jesse, and I cooled off. Just last week I discovered that he’s on ER. I don’t usually watch it (not good with blood and guts and tears, unless I wrote it) but it’s on my one channel so... He is so much hotter now than he was twenty-odd years ago. Or maybe I’m into guys over 35 now and wasn’t when I was twelve...

Then I discovered real boys. I had two “boyfriends” in grade 8. I did not speak or look at either one of them for the entire week that I “went out” with them.

Well, then I discovered Duran Duran. I first saw them in- what? A teenie magazine- and wasn’t at first impressed. I couldn’t see their faces through their hair. Then I heard Union Of The Snake, was totally freaked out by the bass, and then took a closer look at the bass player. I loved them fiercely for a few years. I still have a collection of Star Hits magazines that I will never part with! But after a few albums, they seemed to more interested in photo sessions than recording sessions...

Sometimes I still put on Rio. I still think their first album is very cool. They wrote some interesting songs. Last year for my birthday, my husband gave me the Duran Duran concert video for my birthday. Yeah. I swooned all the way through it. They’re holding up okay. Plus, of course, they're English.

Right around that time I fell deeply, tingly in like with a boy whom I will call Donny. He wasn't much taller than me, a year older than me and super cute. I mean, he was soooo cute. He had gorgeous dark brown eyes, olive skin, and black hair. He was wiry and compact and cut his own hair into punkish shapes to go with his Clash T shirts. He introduced me to the Cure (which nicely prepared me for my future Edward Scissorhands fixation). He taught me how to kiss! He really liked me!! My husband still thinks I am a big meanie for breaking up with him after four months. (Puzzling...)

I haven’t seen Donny in over 18 years and I hope he’s doing well. He came from a mess of a family and he really was a nice guy.

So, next!

I met a guy who messed my head up totally and deliciously. We’ll be calling him Danny. He was 15, looked like 18, was the new kid, the Bad Ass, and cute as hell. He had hazel eyes and curly dark hair and god help me, a mustache, and shoulders that barely fit through the doorframe. To tell you about him I’d need a whole other blog, and because I will always care about him we won’t be doing that. Just trust me: it was the classic volatile teenage romance.

Danny introduced to Led Zeppelin.

Suddenly, everything changed.

Do you realize how monumental this is??? Not only will I always be grateful to him for showing me who my favourite band is, but because I fell in love with Danny, I fell in love with Robert Plant.

I was captivated by Robert’s wild golden mane. He never buttoned up his shirt. His voice made my brain short circuit. Watching him in action melted my brain thoroughly.

I will always be in love with Robert Plant! And he's English.

The crushes came on fast by then.

Keanu Reeves. Sure he was cute in Bill & Ted, but if you want to fall in love with Keanu, watch River’s Edge and Permanent Record.
I don’t care if he ever opens his mouth again though. I’d gladly just sit him on my couch and let him stare at me quizzically. Whoa.

Val Kilmer. Remember Top Secret? He was so cute! He sang on the soundtrack! Remember Willow? I loved him! (Yeah, that's a bison in the background. Cool!)
Thought he did a good job of The Doors but couldn't quite get my head around it....

Brad Pitt. It was Thelma and Louise that did it. He’s another exception to my dark and handsome preference. Brad kind of bugs me, to be honest. He’s great when he plays a slightly odd character. Johnny Suede. Snatch. Awful when he plays a slick pretty. Meet Joe Black. Plus he’s been such a bad boy lately. Dumping his wife for a crazy chick. Mind you Jethro says he did the right thing, but Jethro clearly has a thing for crazy chicks. But still. Brad can reduce me to slobbering giggles. And he took me grocery shopping in my dreams so I’ll always love him.



















Axl Rose. He's totally dubious now but back then... he was the embodiment of everything your mother is afraid of. He didn't sound or move like anybody else.









I know. He’s slimy. He’s creepy. I know. I’m sorry.

Johnny Depp. Duh. You knew that was coming! Let’s not even! It’s all been said!
Well we can still have some photos!!How can he keep getting better? He's super scruffy right now.

Chris Cornell. I walked into pub night at my college, and there was a video playing involving flames and bare chested young men with long black hair. And he screamed like hell was freezing over. I love him way more now than I did then. He just keeps sounding better and he’s gorgeous.

Jack White. I know. He’s grubby. He’s weird...and we’ve been over this before! If you’ve been around here for a while you know how I feel about Jack White! You know I dig his quirky pale cute musical freakiness!

Orlando Bloom. It was Legolas that did it. You know how I didn’t watch movies for years? I had to see Lord of the Rings. Even all pale and elf-like, I liked that kid. Then there was that little movie about pirates and you know... the rest is history...

Viggo Mortensen. Well. Speaking of Lord of the Rings... How can I not love this man? Viggo spent a lot of time running around on a horse, all straggly haired and dirty. Kind of like Euro Jesus on horseback. And like, with armour. Hmm.Then there was that little movie about a paint horse...

...and if that wasn't enough, he once played an Amish guy and has been known to take his equine co-stars home with him.







I have to include Benicio Del Toro. I don’t reallly have a crush on him but there’s something I dig about him. He's haggard and interesting. And also I went through a week where I insisted on calling my husband Benicio, until he faced me down and told me sternly that that was enough. Say it with me, come on. Bennnneech--io.

There are more. I tend to fall hard! But most of all, the biggest crush of my life is on a guy I fell for when I was 16. It wasn’t love at first sight but I noticed his long dark hair and those gorgeous green eyes right away...and soon loved his sense of humour and his goofiness, yes even his sarcasm, and his giant towering...intellect. I fell the hardest for him. I have a big crush on him right now actually.

I’d show you a picture, but, you know, he’s never been in a teenie magazine. Trust me. He’s super cute. (and he's English...)