Crush, Part 2: The Hall of Shame?

We had so much fun last week, counting down all my past and present crushes. Let's do it again! Only this time...it's gonna get weird!

First of all, I have to include Donny Osmond. I can't say it was really a crush, because I don't remember anything other than getting a Donny Osmond doll at some point in my childhood- he had purple socks!! and a conversation on the school bus about how all of our mothers told us that if we brushed our teeth every day, twice a day, we'd have nice teeth like Donny and Marie.



Then of course Shaun Cassidy came along and I got all silly and blushy for the first time...the rest is history!







I must tell you about Billy Idol. What was I, all of 14?
I had posters and pin ups of him all over my wall. In fact, I kept them until last year when I lovingly gave them to my girl KC, who took me to see him, for the first time in my life. Yes, I went to see 52 year old Billy Idol with my 17 year old friend. And he was hot. He's better now with a few wrinkles on his face. He sounded great and told stories in his mangled accent (duh! English!) and raspy voice. We laughed at his stories even though we cuddenunnastand afukinwuhdman. We were almost close enough for him to sweat on us.

Now here's proof that a man doesn't have to be agreeably gorgeous or drop dead sexy to win my heart. It helps, sure! But I love this guy. He makes me laugh. He plays a mean acoustic guitar. Sometimes he goes way off wrong. One of my friends tells me that I should not see Nacho Libre if I love Jack Black and want to keep loving him. But if you ever want to see him at his best, watch High Infidelity. (John Cusack is in it too!!) He was perfect as the opinionated record store employee. And come on. Admit it. He's portly and scuzzy and has a face that can't be controlled....but he is kinda cute, no?In a crazed garden gnome kind of way?

Now for the disgraced. You know how I love my rock stars. I mean, everybody knows that Heidi the Hick, the Hick Chic expert, loves her rock stars. Sometimes, they break my heart.

I have an undying love for Steven Tyler. It's slightly irrational. I've seen Aerosmith twice.He's just revealed that he has Hep C and I wish he didn't have it. He's the same age as my mom and seriously, what is goin on with that man's face? What is with his face? Know what? Don't care. Still find him fascinating.

The only band I've seen more than them, is the Tea Party. They were one of my favourite bands of the 90s. I've seen them live four times, and let's keep in mind that I spent much of the 90s under a rock, due to either poverty, babies, or both! I dug their slightly psychedelic, deep and meaningless type music and I thought they were fine looking, especially the one in the middle there- he was always the one in the middle- who totally fits with my dark haired dark eyed smug smiled preference. I met him once. Thought he was a real gentleman. I was a total clueless hick in my corduroy jacket and my deerskin gloves. But they lost me at their last concert, and then they broke up and it got ugly and the whole thing kinda lost its appeal to me.

And speaking of lost appeal....I had a thing for this guy for quite some time. It's incredibly unhip to admit this now, but I'm gonna say it. I really dug Scott Stapp. I liked his big brown eyes. I liked his big arms. I wished he'd quit gelling his hair but I liked his deep voice. I saw them in concert a few years back, right after the Tea Party played. They were great! It was a good show! (Other than the ballad. I hate ballads.) But each album got more and more self-serious, and the tunes gradually got less tuneful. The 3rd album came out. I loved the first track, but it was otherwise very bloated and aimless. Then there was the whole thing with the break up and it got ugly and the whole thing lost its appeal for me. Especially the part about getting arrested for being drunk in public in the airport on the way to the honeymoon. NOT COOL.

More shame. Justin Hawkins. Yeah, he confuses me. He's hideously skinny, has a face that looks good in some photos- big lips, nice jaw- but really awful in others...stringy hair...questionable teeth....but he's English darnit, and to a little farm girl like me there's something irrestible and exotic about an Englishman, and he's a wicked guitarist, possesses a glass shattering falsetto, a frighteningly good sense of pitch, a rich chest voice, and a cheeky sense of humour. He has flames tattooed on his abdomen, he wears pink proudly (which is not something I usually like in a man) and has been known to wear feathers in his hair. He also has his own name tattooed on his arm. If you don't get why I think that's brilliantly funny...I can't explain it. But he's bunked up in rehab now, has dumped his band, and the whole thing has kinda lost its appeal for me.



But Anthony Kiedis has not lost his appeal, no matter how hard I try to resist him. He's bad. I tried not to dig his action fifteen years ago. He keeps pulling me back in. How could I resist? Look at his hair. So shiny, and straight, and I bet it would be so soft and smooth...gah! I've read his book! I know where he's been! Don't touch the Kiedis! Unless wrapped in plastic. Or I could poke him gently with an 11 foot pole. I'm pretty sure he's crazy. Oh he's such a bad boy.

He's got the look of a guy who could talk a girl into just about anything, and likely has, and that's why we must not touch the Kiedis!





He's all cleaned up and healthy now, and looking better than ever. He's handsome, he's one hell of a dynamic front man, and he gets better with every album.

I can't help it, Anthony. I love ya despite all reason.












And I like John too. He's cleaned up and his playing has gotten soooo good but he's still a wacky little dude. I tend to fall for men who are very good at something. Listen to Stadium Arcadium and you'll know why I like him more and more.





I did tell you things would get weird, right? Proof:
I still love him.

And of course, just like in Part 1...the biggest crush of my life.The son of English immigrants, he was different. He was cool, he was funny. He was awkward and goofy. He was sweet and affectionate. He was pretty and scruffy. He had a blue Strato Chief and a red Stratocaster knockoff.

No shame here!!! It all makes perfect sense. The old car had to go to the great scrapyard in the sky, and the man put on some weight over the years. But I am still insanely, irrationally in love with him. Nineteen and a half years down, a lifetime to go!!!