Captainjacksouthparksparrow

So to make a short story long, on Friday evening the kids and I went down to the studio because it's only a half hour drive (on a wretched highway) from home, it has a full kitchen, and it's air conditioned. I have a thirty year old oven that acts as an efficient space heater in the winter. I can't use it in the summer. I brought a great big lasagna to heat up, and we all ate, including the three kids in the band Jethro's working with. And yes, he's working with a band, who have written their own songs, and love playing music, and they totally rock, like in a Queensryche Metallica Dream Theatre kind of way, and they are three boys and two girls who are all under twenty and impoverished and can barely afford to make this record and if that's all Jethro ever worked on, we would still be wearing clothes that are too small and have holes in them, and be eating no-name kraft dinner. BUT they're great kids and the record is mind boggling.

They're also huge movie freaks, and fans of big huge orchestral soundtracks, and Hans Zimmer.

I went into the mix room upstairs to say hi, and the guitar player smiled and held something up for me to see. A little toy of some kind. And it looked like.....THIS.

And my eyes got exactly that wide and I squealed with delight, because... This is, undoubtedly, the worst pirate I've ever seen!

"It doesn't even look like him!" I shreiked, grinning, and yet I knew that this was a supposed representation of our favourite pirate. "It's ridiculous!" I laughed.











Then, I demanded, "WHERE DID YOU GET THIS!?"

Well it turns out, people, that the Somewhat Evil Though Pleasant Ubiquitous Empire (Disney) has teamed up with the Evil Empire (McDonalds, not Starbucks or Walmart) and come up with....

THE LAMEST PROMOTION EVER

They have my beloved Captain Jack pictured beside a Volvo. They're giving away a Volvo. Now when you've been asked to associate a car with pirates, are you going to picture a friggin Volvo? Don't get me wrong, they're great cars. But they really don't scream "Pillage! Rebel! Cheat! Plunder! Hell with Authority!" I mean, wouldn't you think of something a little more...bitchin?

Jethro thought a new Mustang would be a bit more pirate like. And I even disagreed with that. How about a '73 Chevy pickup truck in black primer, with a push bar on the front, and black rims, and checkerplate bumpers, and roof lights?

That's just totally redneck, isn't it? Yep. Close enough.

We hit two drive thrus over the weekend- and we don't usually go to McYuks, since the bellyache kicks in minutes after eating- and each time, it was like, "We want the Happy Meal with the Jack Sparrow doll. It has to have the Jack Sparrow doll. No Jack Sparrow, No Happy Meal."

And then the girl mumbled, "Noumsorry Idonthinkwehavethat oneanymore."

"Deal's off! No Happy Meal!"

My 12 year old neighbour gave me this one. Sweet child!

This is one of the funniest stoopidest things I've ever seen. Like, really.

What must Johnny think when he sees this?

I'd guess one of two reactions.
1) Appalled. Mocking his art. Reduced to a cheap toy in a happy meal.
2) Laughing his butt off at the ridiculosity of it.


It's like, Cartman dressed up as Jack Sparrow for Halloween!


And hey man, like who hasn't dressed up like Captain Jack for Halloween? Huh? Eh?