Heidi, Observing Men Eating

I had so much fun with those hot bachelors yesterday, Not That I'm Looking, Because I'm Not, but as you know I consider myself a Life Observationist. I observe a lot of men, because of all the critters in the world, I find the human male fascinating. At times rather disgusting but the good attributes of the human male make up for the less pleasant.

(I just want you to know that today's story is inspired by Redneck Nerdboy. If you haven't met him yet I suggest you go say hi!)

I like the way men sound, and (usually) the way men smell, and I love the way men look. (Sometimes I like the way they look at me. Sometimes.) I love the way that most men dive into life with a zest that too many women I know deny themselves.

I love watching a man eat.

This started for me in high school. While my girl type friends daintily ate their crustless sandwiches, the guys grabbed their lunch with both hands and ate like they'd been waiting for all of their sixteen years to eat that sandwich! With crusts! This got me to thinking...

I believe you can tell a lot about what kind of lover a man will be, just by how he eats. These are my observations:

If I man picks at his food, he will not really want to touch me and most likely be critical of my appearance and my actions.

If he only eats certain things, he's not very adventurous. Same time every time. If he eats the same thing every day...well I don't need to explain how boring that's going to get, do I?

If a man vacuums up his food so fast he doesn't even taste it, he will be done with me way too quickly. I do not want to be consumed without any thought or care. (Not that there's anything wrong with being consumed. I just don't want to feel like I got hit by a truck after. Not that there's anything wrong with metaphorically being hit by a truck...)

If he gobbles half his meal and then pushes the rest away because he's already full...no no no.

If he eats really really really slow look forward to marathons, and nothing but marathons. Hey, I'm not against the marathon but Not. Every. Time.

If he's a sloppy eater he might be fun-crazy but careless, and careless is not good in a man.

If he starts eating before his woman's food arrives, that's selfish. Be a gentleman and wait.

If he enjoys his food, eats slow enough to taste everything and makes comments on how good the food is, he's going to know what to do. And when. And for how long.

I like a guy who enjoys his food, licks his lips, cleans up every crumb. I like a guy who cleans his plate.

Oh, and lets me finish my dessert first, if ya know what ah mean.

Don't forget, boys, manners. It's so very important to remember the Please and Thank You.

Here's the sad thing: my husband and I hardly ever eat a meal together. Maybe breakfast once a week, maybe lunch occasionally. Once a month we might get a family supper. I'm lucky though, because I get tired of cooking for the kids, and when he's home he often does the cooking. And let me tell you, my Jethro is a damn fine cook. And he never leaves a crumb behind.