Friday, May 12, 2006

WHAT is WRONG with these people??????

Okay, I was going to do something all deep and meaningful for mother's day, but first of all, does anybody REALLY wanna see how much weight I put on when I was pregnant, and second, thanks to Jethro, and a copy of People magazine (grr, evil) the following topic exploded into being:

Richie Heather Denise Charlie. And by extension, David and Tommy. Although, the last two, not together. And why I care so much. Well, I just dig famous people. I find them very entertaining. Moving on, discuss, what the heck is wrong here...

First of all, marrying Charlie Sheen. Okay. It's absolutely beautiful that a pretty young lady decided to give old horn dog the benefit of the doubt and trust him to blossom into the wonderful caring and faithful husband that she just knew he could be.

Oh boy.

Now there are two little girls stuck in a custody battle. Sad.

Next. Heather Locklear seems to a woman with her act together. She's wrangled herself a career that hasn't demanded mammoth leaps of skill, just the utilization of what she's got. And she's never played the dumb blonde, not in her work or her life. I've read Tommy Lee's book. He can't say a bad word about her. He screwed that one up and he knows it. She apparently doesn't take too kindly to misbehaviour. Having said that, things looked pretty good this time around for her.

But sadly, no. Result: one more little girl stuck in a custody dispute.

So what's going on here?


Now I just have to go back for a moment. Keep in mind that Heather was once married to THIS GUY, who I'm going to declare is a damn fine looking man. Maybe it's just me (You know how I like "em scruffy) but he's fine. Look at that jaw. He's got beautiful dark brown eyes. But y'know, after surviving his train wreck, a woman would want to settle down with someone a little less...difficult? Is that the word? I would have thought Sambora could have been THAT guy. Apparently not.

Now enter, allegedly, THIS GUY ...who maybe won't make it onto the Most Beautiful list, but come on. C'mon. How cute. He's funny, he's successful, most importantly he's not a man-ho!

And I, personally, have to got to love a man in a plaid shirt.

Am I right?

Yeah, I am, you know I'm right.

So, Jethro and I are discussing this over lunch before he buzzes off to work. I explain to him my theory that the only one I am truly rootin for is our boy David Spade. Imagine being him right now dude. Stay quiet. Don't let the photographers get ya. But go home and jump for joy. It probably won't last, but for this shining moment, he can say things like, "Yeah. I liked Heather Locklear the last time....when she was called David Spade's girlfriend."

But of course, the conversation lost it's entertaining spark when the sad reality of custody and broken marriages settled in. These are, after all, real humans, even if they've chosen a career that makes their lives into a freak show.

Jethro quietly said, "They move on so fast."

"I know," I replied. "It's not healthy to move on like that. They don't give themselves any time to grieve."

He sighed and said, "If you kicked me out I'd pitch a tent in your front yard."

"You wouldn't get a chance. I'd follow you to the studio every day and harrass you." I thought about it for a second and then changed my mind. "No, you know what? Actually I'd be at home. Running your clothes through the shredder."

And that's when Jethro leaned back, closed his eyes, and lustily groaned. "MMM. So hot."

...did you catch that? It's okay, we had a good five minute laugh over that one...with him still moaning over the HOTNESS of a woman so DELICIOUSLY FURIOUS --his words!-- that she would shred the man's clothes.

Is that weird?? I'm asking you, dear readers, if that's weird.

All I know is, he claims that staying married to me is so rewarding, despite, or maybe because of, the possibiltiy of me completely losing my mind in a semi-violent freakout. Because I may be all pacifist and everything, violence is not the answer and all that, but I am an emotional roller coaster, and he's hanging on for dear life!!!


Kari said...

Maybe you should get mad at Jerthro more often. ;) Sounds to me like he likes it when your mad! LOL!

Notsocranky Yankee said...

I think David Spade is hilarious! But isn't he a bit young for Heather? She's a little long in the tooth, and been around the block a few times...

I agree with Kari -- Jethro obviously likes it when you are angry. Must be the flames in your eyes!

Heidi the Hick said...

Ha ha! He's such a big gentle guy, and sometimes we marvel at how obnoxious he was in his youth and how straight up he is now. But I believe he kind of likes my craziness. He's still here!!!

Heather's in her mid 40's, I don't know how old David is. He's so scandal-free. we'll see, we'll see...

Notsocranky Yankee said...

Wow I thought Heather was older! I checked and her birthdate is 25 September 1961. Seems like she's been around FOREVER! I thought David was younger but his birthdate is 22 July 1964. Must be his baby face...


Anonymous said...

::sigh:: I feel so out of touch with my own culture, wondering who the hell these people are. THEN AGAIN, is it any wonder that they're together/apart so fast?

Heidi the Hick said...

But guys, is it weird that Jethro thinks it's hot that I'd run his clothes through the shredder if he left me????

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Heidi, they're basically one big circle of people playing wife-swap. That's it. That's who we have to look up to.

Yeesh. I hate People Mag too. But David Spade is kick-ass.

Smartypants said...

Geez. There's plenty of the boy's shirts I'd like to run through the shredder right now.

Different reason though. He needs new shirts.

N I F T Y said...

Maybe he thinks it's hot that you'd run his clothes through the shredder because then he'd be naked?
And how could you possibly resist a naked Jethro?

Makes sense to me...

BadMonkey said...

Understand, being able to create insanity in a woman is hot. Actually creating the insanity and feeling the wrath of that woman sucks (albeit, a good story is made).
As for the celebs, even if they stayed together, the kids are probably being raised by nannys and are destined to write books about their emotional recovery.

Heidi the Hick said...

Big Orange- You're really not missing much by not knowing who these people are. It's just that I have a sick weakness for famous people!

My Redneck friend-People is evil because they keep finding ways to coax me out of me 5 bux. And yes, David Spade is the coolest. I loved his work in "Racing Stripes."

Smarty- that's funny! My man tends to destroy clothes on his own. It just sort of happens.

Nifty- does kind of makes sense, now that you mention it!

Badmonkey- I think you get the "nailed it" award today. Although I am easy to create insanity in...obviously it's working for us..!

and, it's only a matter of time before Scout, Rumer & Tallulah start writing about the difficulties of having Ashton Kutcher as a step-dad. I know I'd feel confused.

Timmy said...


Heidi the Hick said...

...and folks, Tim there is an expert on HOT!