Monday, February 13, 2006

Thanks to Fiona Apple, Straggly-Haired, Big Lipped, Unmedicated Chicks with Bad Pitch are IN!

And you know what that means! I got a shot at being FAMOUS!!!!

My neighbour buddy picked up her record a few weeks ago, out of extreme curiosity, because EVERYBODY was freaking out about it. How stellarly great it is and how daring and how blah blah blah. He couldn't listen to it. He, like me, has a range of musical tastes. He however has a very low tolerance for BS. And, apparently, swing. Because hers is a swing album. Okay I could be very unfair about this, because I didn't give it a fair listen. He played me the first ten seconds of the first six songs, which was just enough to make us wobble our beer bottles and yell out of the corners of our choked mouths, "AAAUUGGH, play us some Freakin Metallica!!! AARRGGHHH!"

I have nothing against swing, and my love for Van Halen proves that. Big Bad Bill is Sweet William now? I simply don't understand how an entire album can be recorded- and edited- without anybody sheepishly pointing out the huge purple elephant of BAD PITCH in the corner of the studio floor and shyly asking if anything should be done about it. Granted, I'm no singer, but in this family, singing flat is punishable by a cheery voice over the talkback mic. "That was perfect. DO IT AGAIN."

But our girl Fiona gives me hope. Lots of music fans dig her, and that means there is music out there for everybody.

And, Fiona proves that small breasted big lipped women who are slightly unhinged looking and are off the meds are INTERESTING. But you see, since you are here at Hick Chic, reading this, you already know that. (If I read one more article that makes a big deal out of her being off the meds, I will scream. Heck I will anyways.)

I really want to like Fiona. She should have come bra shopping with me on Saturday. She could use my help. We could drive up to the mall in my radio-less truck singing flat and staring at other drivers with our big vaguely unfocussed eyes.


Smartypants said...

Fiona frightens me. Big lips or no.

Heidi the Hick said...

Her boobs are gonna look terrible in ten years. Trust me.

Smartypants said...

She's a complete train wreck.

She just needs an ipex bra from Victoria's Secret.

That's all any woman needs.

; )

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