What I'd be blogging about if I hadn't become such a slacker

AS IF IT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH THAT I CRY AT DOG FOOD COMMERCIALS

Way to go, Budweiser.  Of course I didn't watch the Superbowl.  Although I did hear it got in the way of a fantastic Beyonce concert.  I heard the Ravens won the game. Or maybe it was the Cravens.  Or the Jetsons.  Anyways.  The next day on Canada AM there was the recap of the commercials.  We were warned to get the kleenex out for the one about the Young Feller who raises a Clydesdale colt.

We can assume an orphaned colt since there's no mare and the guy bottle feeds the Little Youngster.  Well, young Fella starts training Youngster and he's a bit of a brat, wiggling his way out of his nice red halter and other such coltish shenanigans, and soon becomes a magnificent creature who likes to race young Fella's Ford F150 on the way out of the lane.

Then the big Budweiser horse trailer comes along and Youngster steps up and leaves young Fella's life.  Heidi weeps.  See, I'm doing it right now.  THREE YEARS LATER Fella is having a beer, sorry, a BUD, reading the paper.  The Budweiser Clydesdales are coming to the nearest big city!  He gets in his F150 and shows up to see the parade.  There he is.  There's Youngster, gorgeous powerful Youngster, in his show harness.  Heidi weeps.  Fella walks away after the parade with a lump in his throat. But Youngster wiggles his way out of his nice show harness and races down the empty barricaded streets, just like back in the day when he raced the pickup truck down the lane, and the soft part of my soul wants to believe that Youngster wants to see the Fella one more time -  damn you tingly nose and watery eyes -  and Fella, being a guy who knows what to do when faced with a large running horse, gets out in the middle of the street, calm and zen-like but quick as a cat, arms up and out.

Youngster stops and the young Fella wraps his arms around the horse's neck and I cannot even speak as the tears roll down my face.  I am silently sobbing right now.

Cute dogs grinning at the camera?  And now THIS?  Sigh.

Oh did I mention, the song in the commercial is Landslide by the Dixie Chicks.  See, now you're weeping too.  Budweiser is friggen dangerous, man.





SKELETAL REMAINS CONFIRMED TO BE THOSE OF KING RICHARD THE III

Two things about this:

1) Oh boy, when I was 13 I wanted to dig ancient things out of the dirt for a living.  How cool would that be?

2) This guy had some wicked debilitating scoliosis.  I feel so much better about my own crooked spine. Popular mythology-history has painted him as a villain.  Well I know how much my back hurts on a daily basis.  Maybe we'd all feel murderous if we were shaped like that.





THERE ARE AWARDS SHOWS GOING ON

Without me!!!!

And there's this kind of stuff happening!!!!

Claire "Hot Damn" Danes

Lena "Grade 8 Graduation" Dunham

I've never watched her show and probably won't, but she looks great in that dress, despite looking uncomfortable and making the mistake of not practicing walking in heels.  BUT I actually enjoy her goofy honesty about the whole thing.  

Kate "Whaaa??? Wow!!!!" Hudson

Jessica "Forehead Smack" Chastain

She's one of those unfairly lucky redheaded and cheekboned women who can and should really look good for these events but roughly half the time gets it all wrong.  This dress.... What's with the fun bags?  They're not very fun looking.

And of course, I didn't watch or blog the Golden Globes this year and missed my opportunity for an immature boob joke.  Too bad she didn't wear this to the SAG awards.  Which I also did not watch or blog.  Really off my game.  And such rich material here.  

Mayim "Amy Farrah Fowler" Bialik

My son refuses to believe it's the same person.

Nina "I want that pink dress" Dobrev.  

On second thought, I'll let her wear it.

Kelly "Kelly Osbourne" Osbourne

She's always been cute in a bratty way but she's become gorgeous.  I don't get the dress but I love her lavender hair.  Why was she at the Golden Globes?  I don't care.  She should be at every party, simply to shake things up a little.  

I'm really looking forward to the Oscars this year.  

People, it's going to be even crazier than that time somebody put sweet Anne Hathaway onstage with crazy James Franco.  This time, some deviant genius decided to let Seth Macfarlane host the gig.  Clearly, there are people in charge of the Academy Awards who weren't aware that BRIAN THE TALKING DOG is going to host the Oscars.  

You're thinking, look how cute and charming and baby faced this guy is!  But don't let him fool you -- this is a deeply disturbed individual!  

It's going to be hilarious.

And likely troubling.

I can hardly wait.

AND SPEAKING OF AWARDS SHOWS

The Grammys are coming up too and that's a national holiday around here, so it's time to get out the Grammy decorations and the Grammy tree.  

Also, we have to wait two more stinking weeks for Juno nomination announcements.  

Good thing I'm too distracted to really obsess about all this stuff.  

IT'S REALLY HAPPENING... JOHNNY DEPP IS GOING TO BE IN A COWBOYS & INDIANS MOVIE

I'M SORRY I CANNOT TALK RATIONALLY ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.

AND FINALLY... I BOUGHT A NEW WINTER COAT.

Here's how it differs from my most recent winter coat, which I wore for about seven years or so:

-it's purple instead of drab olive

-it's fitted instead of huge and bulky

-it's a women's coat instead of size small men's which was still waaaaay too big for me

-it has dainty little pockets just barely big enough for my hot pink multicoloured mitts

-but I have a big purse so I can stuff things in there

-except when I go to a rock concert and don't want to bring the purse, and this new coat doesn't have any inside pockets since we assume that all women carry big purses around with them

-seriously don't coat designers think about where we're going to put our ID and earplugs and cash when we go to concerts?  It's not good to carry a purse at those events

-no it's not weird that rock concert survival is part of my coat- buying criteria

-I have a husband with pockets

-have you seen the guy?  Nobody's gonna attempt to rip off anything he's carrying

-it's an actual ladies coat, like from the women's clothing department at the store

-it has a hood with fake fur around it

-aaaaand.... PURPLE! 

So there you go, a week's worth of blogging in one post.  Maybe I'm not so much a "blogging slacker" as I'm simply becoming "more efficient" about it.  Yeah.  I'll tell myself that!