Friday, December 21, 2012


Well come on in!  Welcome to my imaginary antique magazine quality country estate mansion! You look lovely!  I really like what you're wearing, that's very festive.  The bells are a nice touch.  So let's see what you brought... mmmm.  What is that, guacamole cranberry fruitcake?  Wow!

It's gonna taste like magic.  I just know it.  Come set it over here on the antique table in front of the quaint fireplace beside the original vintage doors.  Also - I dusted.  Yesssss. I did a big tidy-up just before the perfeshnul phertographer got here.  

Blog party food is awesome!! You can pretend to eat deep fried sugar butter if you want - with absolutely no consequences! No calories and it won't do anything to your blood sugar and you can drink as much as you want and still be able to work!  

Speaking of drink....


(we can put a little rum in that, if you want.)

Why thank you very much darling.

Just set your stuff over here - make sure the Pug doesn't get it - or heck why not, go ahead and accidentally on purpose drop some.  That's why we have dogs in our house, not?

Would you like to hang up your woollen socks over here by the other fireplace?   I do think there's something missing here though. This could be improved.  

There we go.  It was all just looking a little too precious.  Things can get serious enough, and sometimes we need a set of antlers with a dorky hat.  

I'd like to think my Uncle Norm would have had a good chuckle over that. 

Oh hey, like my outfit?  I dressed up for you. These are my formal coveralls.  Depending on how things go with this party today, I might be looking really spiffy.  Anybody bring a Bedazzler?  I'll take a pop-rivet gun if that's all you've got.  Grommet punch?  Glue gun and sparkles?  

Yeah, I'm right fancy this year.  As fancy as I can get, what with all the dog hair and horse hair which usually makes up my home decor.  I'm doing a pinecone thing here.  A motif if you want to pull out the fancy words. 

Oh look, more antlers!  
Anybody got a camouflage tablecloth?

The piano is over here, and it sounds fantastic since we can make it sound however we want.  Have you all been practicing your favourite songs?  I'll be performing a rousing rendition of "You're A Mean One, Mr Grinch" once I've had a few more sips of that Blog Nog.

I want to hear your favourite fun Christmas songs - and I'm not talking about the ones you hear over the Muzak while you're out shopping.  I'm pretty sure all you delightful unique personalities know some good stuff.  

Okay, now listen.  This is not just your average Christmas Blog Party.  It's the shortest day of the year. Oh and also it happens to be the Supposed End Of The World.  I don't know about you, but the last three times the world ended, it wasn't all that exciting.  Let's make this interesting.

First of all, I propose we branch out from favourite fun Christmas songs, and throw in a cheerful happy little apocalypse ditty.  

Next challenge - How do you figure the Mayans decided their calendar was done? 

Okay, I'll go first.

"Guys I have to quit working on the calendar or my mom won't let go to the next public sacrifice...." (hands in pockets, dejected slump of shoulders.) (Did Mayans wear clothes with pockets?  Too busy mapping the sky to invent pockets?)

Or here's another one...

"Yeah my dad told me I have to move the llamas.  Today.  He said the next two millennia on the calendar will just have to wait ...It's totally not fair, man!"

Your turn!  

But hang on a second - your Blog Nog is not fancy enough.  Have this. 

All this singing and carousing is very festive, but now... it's time to go hang with the REAL PARTY ANIMALS!

Hello, Handsome Prince!

Hello Little Lady!

Hello Beautiful!

Hello Everybody!!

Ohhhh, Moe!

Your brother must be out working for a living.  

Here's our new friend Carlos.  He just sort of moved in.  I had a few discussions with him about getting along with Larry and Moe, so they've got it just about sorted out now. 

You gotta watch this guy.  He will crawl up your leg to get a cuddle.  I'm pretty sure if he could speak human he'd sound like Antonio Banderas and you could not resist him.  

But do you know who the best critters are to party with?

Are you ready for this?

 Meet our new paying guests!


Mildred and Beatrice!

Bwahahahaha you are stuck here now!  I'll just bring your Blog Nog out to the barn.  Usually the party ends up in the kitchen.  Obviously that works in places with no barn.  

Hey, did you pour rum into that Blog Nog?  And did you accidentally on purpose dribble some into the goat pen?  Things are getting rowdy!  They're headbutting like punks in a mosh pit!

Uh oh.  Looks like Carlos got into something strong. I think he's done.  

 Okay.  Back into the house with us.  

I've got a fire going in my other, other fireplace, because yes my imaginary mansion does have three fireplaces.  Pull up a chair and take a minute to read.  Bring anything to read to us?  That'd be nice.

Just don't burn the pinecones.  They're part of the fancy decor.  Oh my gosh, we have kindling in our houses for decoration.  Humans are so weird. Also the word FANCY has started to make me internally giggle.

Well so far, it looks like the world hasn't ended, and you know what that means, right?  It means I'm going to have to go plunk down the $83 to renew the licence plate sticker for my truck after all.  Darn birthdays!  Or maybe I'll do what I do every year, which is, "Aw screw it, I'll spend the bucks on gifts for my kids and just not drive the truck until January after we get paid again."

So basically the same old.

Except that this year, I am turning 42 which is the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything.

Huh.  I might get smart this year.

Alright you guys.  All of you -- pass around the deep fried Christmas cookies and whatever else you brought, sing me your songs, and wish all of us a Merry Christmas!!!


Heila said...

Merry Christmas from South Africa where the world hasn't ended either, it's the longest day of the year, and my horse is rolling in dust not snow! Mind if I join you for a bit? I've never experienced a white Christmas before. Aaaahhhh... the beauty of a blog party, I can sit here in my shorts and t-shirt and still drink blognog as if it's below 0 degrees.

Heidi the Hick said...

This is so cool, having someone join me from the southern hemisphere!

How warm is it there? You've never had a white Christmas, but I did - once - spend a Christmas in Florida and was that ever strange! I'm in the pool and there's Santa in the shallow end. It's hard to imagine though, having Christmas be the longest day of the year. I'm so used to associating the season with darkness and hunkering down in the cold.

But hey, you get to enjoy the world not-ending in sunny daylight!

Stay as long as you want! Party's going all day!

Heila said...

Thank you, I feel right at home! The forecast for Cape Town today was 35 degrees Celsius, or 95 Fahrenheit. It seldom gets hotter than that here, although in other parts of the country they often suffer in 40+ heat. (Which I realise is still mild compared to some places in the US.)

annyong said...


and pull us though, and pull us through


to pull us through, and pull us through

and this is the end... the ENNNNDDD


I'll be here all night.

Heidi the Hick said...

That was lovely, thanks! I find MUSE is good for any occasion. Especially today!!!

Somebody needs to hold my blog nog so I can climb up on this piano. Geez an upright is harder to get into than a grand. And my new knee high dress barn boots are not broken in yet so....

Heila needs a cold drink, over there in the warm corner.

Any requests? Grinch? Who's got it memorized - ill be needing a little help here.

Anonymous said...

I love the fireplaces and the blognog. Is that whipped cream and freshly grated nutmeg? Annyong, calm down, have some more blognog, it's going to be okay.

Heidi the Hick said...

I whipped that cream and grated that nutmeg. I also churned all the butter and you will be receiving a hand knit sweater upon leaving, made of wool from that hairy little goat you just met. It smells like nutmeg and roses!

Man, isn't it great having an imagination?!

Paul Tee said...

Here I am.

Sorry that my buttons are not done up. My fingers are in a cast from pounding the keyboard for the past days and nights. But I got it done! "Dark Fires" has been unleashed on a largely unsuspecting public.

Pass me the punch. I will take it intravenously if you don't mind as I can't hold anything in my hands for 2 weeks the doctor said. He wanted to prescribe some tranquilizers in case the end does come, but I said no, I got a party to go to.

But I'm not worried, I figure the Mayans couldn't finish the calendar because they ran out of virgin centerfolds and said the hell with it. What good is a calendar without virgins to decorate it? I think that they went a bit overboard with the sacrifices, don't you think?

This blog juice is quite good. Can I have a receipt? Could you introduce me to that gorgeous thing on the sofa? I got to get "Dark Fires" out of my mind.

For God's sake, don't let the horses in the house. Goats are OK, but nothing larger, pleeeze.

Oh, oh! I stepped into something...

Paul Tee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heidi the Hick said...

Don't worry Paul, somebody around here must have a funnel.

Did you actually finish the whole thing! Like finished-finished or first draft finished? Either way I had no doubt at all you'd get to the end. Before The End. Bwahahaha.

Ok I must admit some ignorance of Mayan culture. But it makes sense that if you go overboard on the sacrificing you'd run out of people right?

Watch out there... You're about to get your snacks stolen by one of my overly friendly critters...

Heidi Willis said...

Happy Almost Birthday and YAY For surviving the end of the world!!!

I usually like to come early to these parties, but I was out all day, so I am slipping in late and hoping there is still food and drink left.

Oh! That blognog looks even better this year!!

Who is playing the piano? I'm in the mood for some singing!

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh you're not late! And there's always blog nog for you!

I'm playing the piano because in my mind I'm really good at it.

Singalong time...

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel,
Mr. Grinch.
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders.
You've got garlic in your soul, Mr Grinch.
I wouldn't touch you with a
Thirty-nine and a half foot pole.

I'll finish that after my refill...

Heidi the Hick said...

You’re a vile one Mr. Grinch
You have termites in your smile
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile
Mr. Grinch
Given the choice between the two of you
I’d take the a seasick crocodile

You’re a foul one Mr. Grinch
You’re a nasty wasty skunk
Your heart is full of unwashed socks,
Your soul is full of gunk
Mr. Grinch

The 3 words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote
Stink, Stank, Stonk

You’re a rotter Mr. Grinch
You’re the king of sinful sots
Your hearts a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots
Mr. Grinch

Your sole is an appalling dump heap
Overflowing with the most disgraceful
Assortment of deplorable rubbish
Imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch
With a nauseous super naus
You’re a crooked jerky jockey and,
you drive a crooked horse
Mr. Grinch

You’re a 3 Decker sour kraut and toad stool sandwich
With arsenic sauce!

Aw, my heart has grown three sizes now!

mugwump said...

Sorry I'm so late.
I was feeling shy, so I hid in the barn with an almost finished book.
Then you all came stomping in and riled up the goats, so I ran inside and settled in by the third fireplace. Grabbed a bunch of sun- warm concord grapes, dripping with juice, straight off the vine. A great compliment to my blog grog.
Yes, I left the jug on the table for the rest of you.

My world ending song --

The world didn't end.
I felt it crumble
The edges chipping and falling into nothing.

Clouds wrap around my bones
Dust rising when the ground shakes
It's a dry heat.

In my daughters eyes, horses run, the dogs laugh.
She reflects back only the moment.

They see the now
feel today
open their arms to the building Chinooks.

Turns out the Mayans thought I'd catch cold running in the rain.

Paul Tee said...

Ohhh, I had much too much to drink.

Tell me, did the world end or is it just my hangover?

I hear somebody still singing. Make it stop!

Come to think of it, it would be kind of neat if you can make the world end on your birthday.

But hold off on getting that sticker for your truck. What if the Mayans miscalculated by a couple of days?

Happy something, Heidi,...

Anonymous said...

Oh poo, I must have fallen asleep by the fireplace and spent the night. I woke up with a goat licking my face. Hmmmmmm...

I guess the world didn't end after all. Great party, someone call me a taxi.

Undercover Sandy Cove-r said...

Happy merry rest of the world and thank you for the most wonderful blog party, Heidi! I see you've spent a fortune in purtying up the place. You've obviously been working way hard on it, too. Good for you! It gives you something to do and you're good at it. Congrats on turning 42. I know what you mean about potentially wasting money on renewing your license sticker - I had to do mine on Dec/1. I thought I was going to get ripped off and only get 20 days use out of it. I thought it was kinda suspicious that the world would end on the shortest day of the year. Do ya think someone's pulling our leg?

Heidi the Hick said...

Yeah who's laughing now eh?

We survived! Seriously guys, I was having doubts for a few hours there... As the virtual party was happening I was in the barn for three hours, weighing out goat feed to figure out as closely as possible how much of it a naughty horse had munched down, cleaning up poop piles in places horses were not supposed to be, and picking up things the little monsters knocked over. Meanwhile the wind was roaring and blowing wet snow, and both my kids were in town, 20 minutes away, which is a good half hour away in bad weather, likely more, and only one kid thought to make overnight plans. I was looking at the possibility of driving through a storm at midnight. I didn't have to, luckily, because somebody kind offered a couch.

Then all I had to keep me awake was Jethro's drive home from the city. It took him until 4 - it was a 2 hr drive instead of one - but he's home.

The wind battered us brutally all night.

But I woke up this morning with a sleeping man, a cold house, content critters - the world carries on. To my delight the party here chugged along too! Thanks guys!!

Now all I have to do is bug the teenagers to get in the car and come home. Oh, and I really should go get my licence sticker.

Feel free to stick around folks! It's not like we're going to run out is supplies here!

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Laura Crum said...

Heidi--I'm sorry I missed your party--I had a very sad old horse and was just focused on taking care of him. But a belated cheers to you and yours. Here's to brighter days.

Paul Tee said...

Hey, I still have my ticket for the door prize. When is the draw?

jules said...

Well, I just got back! Happy New Year!!!

Oh, everyone must be gone already. Oh! look at all the nog left! and fruitcake! Yum Heidi.

Glad the world didn't end. Oh, Happy Baktun! (next new year in Mayan)

Very cute goats! We had 10 baby bunnies coming out of their nest boxes over Christmas. Nothing cuter.

Happy New Year everyone! May it be your best yet.

jules said...

One more thing...

Happy Birthday!

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