Tuesday, November 16, 2010

"Frankenfinger" and other (stupid) mutilations.

The nasty wound on my right ring finger looked like a smile yesterday.  I'm totally serious.  So I got a red Sharpie and drew eyes and little red fangs for it.

It seemed like the right thing to do, since Jethro insisted on setting up a weird computer screen/ iGadget/ Face Time thing to talk to his engineer, Bubba.  Poor guy just thought he'd be having a conversation with Jethro about work and their Mo-vember projects.  They started their moustaches late, but Bubba is blessed with a manly face that can grow stubble by 4:00 pm, while Jethro has more of a sparse facial foliage situation.  (It's great because when I see Johnny Depp on a magazine at the grocery store, I can say stupid things like, hey kids, look how much that guy looks like Daddy!!)

So Jethro and Bubba are using the studio as an excuse to use fun new technology.  Of course, when I saw Bubba on the screen, and realized he could see me too, I did what any normal, almost 40 year old crazy woman would do.

"Hey!  Wanna see my wound?!?!"

It only occurs to me tonight, now that my daughter mentions it, that he didn't really seem all that enthused, but really is just the kind of nice fella who wouldn't diminish my excitement by going, "Oh dude, no.  Keep your raw meat digits away from me."


I'm thinking about a gruesome new movie.  It's about a dude who has to... okay, are you ready for this, because if my smashy finger grossed you out, you better not keep reading, I'm serious... buddy cuts off his own.... ooooh boy, leg-adrenalin, you can feel it, don't pass out... arm, in order to survive.

Oh, and it's based ON A TRUE STORY.

Kind of puts my little tragedy into perspective, eh?

So this brings to mind the kind of thing bored people talk about.  Would you hack off an appendage to save your own life????

What the HELL kind of question is THAT?

Okay, the real life guy is way way more brave than I will ever be.  However.  I would likely never be faced with such a horrible choice because I probably won't ever be hiking alone through a dangerous isolated canyon.  I'm a hick alright, and I like being surrounded by hayfields and cornfields and neighbouring red barns, but I'm not into full on wilderness.  Besides, hiking for me would involved a big donkey to carry my comforters, pillows, flannel jammies, slippers, and extra blankets.  

I love my appendages and plan to keep them all in good shape.

Okay, I guess you couldn't tell by looking at my poor little Frankenstein finger but hey, I was wearing gloves, and I generally try not to stick my hands and feet in sharp places!!!!  That little incident with the construction scaffold has learned me up real good.  As in, I'm not supposed to be doing construction!

You know how people get hurt and then say things like, "Oh wow, I had no idea how much I use my right hand until it was encased in plaster!"  Oh come on.  Give the extremities the appreciation they deserve!  Love your limbs!

So let's not speak of these awful situations, okay?

Instead,  let's talk about the star of the gruesome movie, James Franco.

He is kind of cute, right?  Maybe looking at his face for an hour wouldn't be so bad?  (Those of you who had to look away earlier can look again!)

I am considering developing a Depp Jr kind of fixation on him, since he chooses all kinds of wack roles including a stint on a soap opera, which was awkward because my mother watches General Inhospitable and had no idea who this "Franco" is really but I actually admire the guy for going from movies to soaps because, DUDE, nobody does that.  Brave.  Also he starred on 30 Rock as himself who may or may not have some serious um, issues.  He's unpredictable and I like that in my actors.

I wonder if he's disgusted by scabs.

"Hey Franco!  Wanna see my wound????!!!"

I promise I won't fool around with construction equipment anymore.  And I tell my hands and feet regularly that I love them very much.  


Heidi Willis said...

You are so funny!! I love your blog because you can make me laugh... or cry. I never know until I get here. :)

What does it say that I'm sort of sad there was no picture of your wound?

The dude is pretty hot. But no, I would never chop off a limb to save myself. Not that I don't think he's amazing for doing it... I just couldn't. Literally. Just thinking of the knife touching my skin makes me want to hurl.

I got a shot today. That's as painful as I want to get for a while. Although dying of dehydration is pretty ugly, too, so you never know.. I might change my mind.

pseudosu said...

OMG----You must google "Freaks and Geeks"-- a very short-lived but *aweseome* tv series from the 80's that is TOTALLY up your alley. (He was a star in it.)