Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Good News, Bad News, and the Only News that Matters

Living with the parents means having the TV on when the News is on.

I never had the news on. Sometimes Jethro would watch the late news, but I would turn it off before bed. Call me shallow or self-centered or ignorant, but I mostly don't care. Isn't that awful? But really, what do I need to know? If it's really important, I'll find out. I mean, I do leave the house occasionally.

My husband is a total news junkie, and let me tell you right now: it is a powerful and self-sustaining addiction. You can never stop reading the news online. It just keeps updating. That's why it's called NEWS instead of HAPPENEDS. Now my son is all over watching the news. Great. This means having two sanctimonious well-informed smart guys in my life.

Me, I'm simple. The only news I care about is the Entertainment news. It makes sense. Our family income, meager as it is, comes from the music business. (When it finally shows up, that is.) I plan in the future to have some tiny trickle of income from a publisher, so I hope you all know how to buy books. And buy another form of music while you're at it, please, cuz we have a pretty big repair bill with our mechanic right now, thanks.

The Entertainment news is fun. It breaks up the monotony of These Tough Economic Times and The Worse Recession in At Least Ten Years and the Summer of Whining.

For example. That Kanye kid who keeps showing up to events wearing something awful and opening his mouth. On one hand I'd love to tell him to keep his mouth shut in order to prevent stupidity from coming out. On the other hand, he gave me something to think about on my long drive to the school. Also, he really gave the Swift kid an opportunity to be a class act. His publicist must be stressed. Hers must be relieved. Beyonce's publicist is both relieved and wondering if her job is even necessary, since Beyonce has never taken a public step wrong. Which makes the constant miserable look on her husband's face perplexing. See? Interesting!

It's not always trivial and fun though. Sad news this week. I was really hoping Patrick Swayze would survive and kick cancer's ass, but he passed away, at the young age of 57. More proof that life just isn't fair sometimes. He seemed like the kind of guy who was really down to earth despite the fame. Remember his turn on SNL? Classic. He could laugh at himself, and I love that.

I didn't like Dirty Dancing. I didn't get it. He made it at least watchable.

I have to confess that I have a special fondness for him, because... I loved Ghost. I did, honestly. I wept at the end. Ditto? I thought so. I was a pottery student at the time. No, I never re-enacted the "clay scene" but let me just say, that it was a totally good idea in theory and looked awesome on screen but would be a nasty idea in real life. Better to just avoid the clay and watch the movie instead. He really made that movie watchable. I also liked him because he and his wife were big into horses, with a herd of Arabians. I gotta love people who love horses. I hate to see him go, I really do.

Bad year for famous people. Aren't they all though? Sad.

But here's a bit of news that's got me really confused:

American Idol.

Paula Abdul, my favourite professional Unicorn Communicator, will not be on next year! Nooooooooo! This is WRONG. Where will we get our dose of rainbow coloured music metaphors, visually overwhelming fashions, long drawn out pauses full of potential? Who is going to bring the fairy dust, people? Because I need some fairy dust. The future pop stars of America need fairy dust!

Don't get me wrong, I love Ellen. She cracks me up. I think she'll be great. But will she shush Simon? Actually she likely will. Can Ellen make him roll his eyes like Paula did? Will Ellen stare at the contestants with big brimming brown eyes and profess her love? Nope. Ellen's got blue eyes. It's just not the same.

I say give Paula her own show. Or better yet, give Paula and me a show. I don't know what it'd be about but at least two of us will be seeing unicorns.

I think it's weird that the kids watch more TV out here in the country than in town. This could be on account of me keeping our TV in the basement and not having cable. At least here in the sticks, the antenna picks up a few signals.

Tribble was thrilled that in her dance class today, their assigned homework is to watch So You Think You Can Dance Canada. She's thinking her new school is okay after all.

Imagine my delight when I found out that America's Next Top Model is all about Petite models this time! I've never watched that show in my life. I'm watching it now and it's friggin brilliant.
I came in from the barn and all the girls were wearing weird pink outfits with hoods.

Me: Cool! Why are they all wearing weird pink outfits with hoods?
Tribble: Because Tyra is AWESOME.

Good enough. Then they got into this bizarre Lady Godiva photo shoot with horses that were clearly not racehorses, although they were cute.

Know what I really love? These are "petite" and are constantly referred to as "short." Guess what? The shortest girl there is two inches taller than me. I think that's funny! Under 5'7" is short??? Not in the family I grew up in!

Well I've completely lost my train of thought, and still haven't called my best friend -who is no longer a long-distance phone call - and I'm tired and have a headache, so that's all I got for tonight.

Next time I'm back, we'll talk about the difficulties of internet in the country. Geez, it's not like I'm miles away from a cellphone tower here, they're blinking their red lights all over the horizon. Like little red stars that blink. I'm tired. Goodnight folks!


Biddie said...

Ah, Kanye..what an asshat. Seriously. Taylor Swift is a class act,and at 19.
I don't watch those shows, the dancing/singing/wanna be shows, unless it is the audition process. Now THAT is good stuff.
Shawn is always watching the news. Drives me crazy. He will watch the channel that just loops the news for 24 hours and we hear the same stories again and again.
I haven't called you either...we suck.

Heidi Willis said...

This is such a completely awesome and well written post! I read it all, wishing it wouldn't end. You have such a great way with making the entertainment industry more important than the news.

I felt so sad for Swayze as well. Not just for it being him and a celebrity and all, but really - just cancer sucks and I'm tired of it taking good people away.

And your kids sound awesome.

Marni said...

Oh, ANTM is my guilty pleasure -- we watch all the reruns and marathons. I LOVE these girls!

Kanye = idiot

Taylor Swift = awesome role model for young girls

You = awesome