Friday, October 24, 2008

So, are pigs gonna sprout wings now? and other exciting developments

Today I'm going to talk about Axl Rose.  If you don't like Axl Rose, stay with me here, I'll pass around the brain bleach later, okay?

I think possibly hell has frozen over.  Axl has finally finished that album he's been working on for like, a hundred years or whatevs, and not only is it a real album with a release date and everything, but now all you Americans get a free Dr Pepper!  Except, if you are Slash or Buckethead, then no Dr Pepper for you.  Aw heck, Axl softened up and said he'd share his can with Slash.  (Buckethead has to go drink Pepsi?  Sprite?  Tap water??)

On Monday night, Jethro was checking out one of his favourite recording engineer gossip sites (yes, they exist; you should read what they say about mastering engineers and ribbon microphones, it's scandalous) and the whole site was buzzing with GUNS N ROSES.  I snorted.  "Yeah, I'll believe it when I hear it," I said sarcastically.

Tuesday, as in, new release day, came and went.

Wednesday morning I woke up to something that sounded like Axl's unmistakable wail and thought I was dreaming.  Here the line between dream and nightmare is very thin, just like it should be.

But then later in the barn, I heard it again.  Holy smokes, it's real.  I'm not imagining things.

All these years, leaking stuff to the internet, popping up here and there just so we don't forget his existence, and looking rather odd.   I mean, I can't even post the pictures; I'm not that cruel.  But I'm sure we all remember the frightening yellow faux rapper outfit.  And the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey jersey phase.  But what's he been doing?  I think I may have found the answer, with a little bit of internet trawling.  

He's been hanging with a bunch of real animals.  

Now I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and say that I think Axl Rose actually looks pretty good.  IF you don't count that hairdo.  We will discuss that later.  I'm just saying that he looks healthier than he did 20 years ago.  Yeah, I know.  In 1988 he was skin and bones.  But still, he looks somewhat fit. 

Plus he's taken up the habit of wearing shirts, which is right and appropriate for a man in his 40s.  

He was too skinny back then, yes, but his hair was so much nicer.  I always thought his best feature was his long silky red hair.

So I'm just not sure what's going on here.  But I'm worried.  I'm really very concerned. 

See?  Kinda nice, in a wiry elfin hungover greasy kind of way.  If you can appreciate that sort of thing.

Wanna know really why I'm so excited about this?  First of all, IT'S GUNS N FRICKIN ROSES, PEOPLE!   I know, it's not quite the same without Slash.  I know.  And yes, I admit that I was less than thrilled with the whole Use Your Illusion thing.  But this frightening frontman became a pretty big part of my late teens.  I didn't love him.  I thought he was angry and rude and potentially vicious.  But he was electrifying to watch, and NOBODY else sounded like him.

He still sounds like Axl Rose.  Whew.  

Also?  I wrote this little novel, and one of the main characters is absolutely obsessed with Axl Rose.  She has a wall in her room covered with posters.  She talks to him before she goes to sleep.  She cries in a drunken stupor because he has never met her and gotten a chance to know how much he means to her!!!  She likes him waaaaaaay more than I ever have or ever will.  The funny thing about being a writer is that you have to kind of get into an imaginary person's head.  I'm vicariously happy about this.  My imaginary friend is thrilled.  

Hopefully 15 years worth of therapy, anger management and good nutrition has been good for him.  

But for those of you who think he's irreversibly skeevy, I will now pass the brain bleach.  

Huh... turns out most of my Johnny pictures are just slightly skeevy too.  Took some effort to find some clean shaven respectable ones!  But I gotta say, Johnny does it soooo much better.  He looks good in everything, and I'm not worried about his hair at all.

I must get on with my day.  I have some writing and kid chasing to do!


Biddie said...

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GNR? I hate me some Axl Rose. I know how Jethro feels about him, too. Just another reason that he and I get along.
See, I KNOW that you like him. I'm ok with that. I LOVE me some Chris Atkins and even though you don't get that, you still love me.
BUT..he really is a skeez. I think that he was much cuter before the bad face job and even though I generally like short hair, he had much nicer locks back then.
I still love you, but Axl?
Thank goodness you posted some Johnny Depp.

Biddie said...

YAY! I'm number one!

Heidi the Hick said...

Haha! you are number One!!!

I truly do not love the guy, but you know me... always hoping for the best for everybody... even nasty temperamental egomaniacs!

(Except that one neighbour you had. I just didn't like her. Still don't know why. Thanks for still loving me even after I disliked your neighbour for no reason. Although speaking of skeevy, haha, sorry.)

Brit said...

LOL - great post.

For you Heidi - go to my blog and check out Asshat Hollywood. She's a huge GNR fan - she's doing a countdown of the top Axl Rose moments, with videos and everything. SHE ROCKS!

Love the post. 2 Axl Rose posts for us this week.

coffeypot said...

Axel's still alive? Who would have thunk it?

Heidi the Hick said...

Yeah, believe me, I'm as shocked as you are.

Brit- I HAD to go look, I just had to! Brilliant. Great moments in history, that's one way of putting it...heh heh

Biddie said...

HAHAHA! I have had soo many neighbours over the years, and yet I KNEW which one you meant right away.
I still call her Mrs. Kravitz.

The Adult in Question said...

For once I actually preferred the Johnny pictures over Axl Rose.

The Adult in Question said...

P.S. Slash is better because he is on Guitar Hero

Heidi said...

Axl Rose?? Man, that takes me back to high school!!

I think it's funny this comes out right after Brit's crazy dream. Is she prophetic now?

This isn't really my kind of music, although it does bring back memories, but the photos are great. Is it just me or does he look a little like Danny Bonaducci - that guy who played in the Partridge Family in the 70s?

I like what you said about your characters, though. I think for those of us to whom music is important, we find it's important to our characters too. And we like them to be happy. It's twisted I know. But it's something we writers have in common.

Marni said...

I LUVS me so Axl Rose. Told a friend of mine the other day... first AC/DC and now GNR!! I'm a HAPPY girl!!!!!!

The Johnny pics added a nice touch, too.

Trailboss said...

Ha ha....I knew it would get back to your Johnny! Some Axl Rose is NOT in my future for sure.

JKB said...

You know, Axl was hotter when he was younger. His face surgery took him the WRONG WAY. And what's up with that hair?

But you know, Johnny could have ANY hairstyle and he would just be soooo yumyyyyy.


Heidi the Hick said...


I though he just had hair surgery.


I mean that really worries me.

Heidi the Hick said...

But yeah, Johnny? Pretty hard to go wrong with that.