Thursday, July 10, 2008

Meet the New Pshrink

...not the same as the old pshrink....

My new psychiatrist appears to be in his 30s.  He's of Chinese background, wide shouldered, fast talking, and was totally indignant for me that I was never properly diagnosed or treated for that post partum depression I had twelve years ago.  He wants... wait for this, you won't believe it... He wants to help me.

Basically this guy is the exact opposite of the dude who provided head-pshrinking services for me a few years ago, Dr Frankenbushy.  That guy made me feel like an insignificant messed-up stupid whiny nutso person.  

Look, let's make this clear:  I've felt some degree of crazy for most of my life.  I'm generally okay with it.  Being slightly off compared to the rest of the world feels normal, dare I say, comfortable, to me.  What I can't have is that crumbled, white knuckled feeling that I'm losing.  Losing my grip, my balance, losing my identity, losing my life.  That is not crazy - that is scary.

So Dr C asked me if I've ever lost touch with reality.  My answer?

"No... well, yeah.  Um, I think so.  I dunno.  What reality do you mean?"

He smiled and nodded and I think he checked the "Yes" box.

He's discussing our options and asking about my history - which I am really sick of recounting, I might add- and told me that I'm smart and high functioning.  By that he means I've been able to get out of the house and drive a vehicle (usually) and make it appear that all's well.  

In other words, I am a brilliant actress.  

Which one of me is acting, haha hahaa hahahaha....

I told him that I'm not good at being medicated and that I'm quite scared of drugs.  He's being very cautious with treatments.  I am totally overwhelmed AGAIN but at least I feel like somebody's on my side and is willing to work with me.  

If I could rule the world, I'd get a Dr C for everybody who needs one.


Biddie said...

I am so glad that you have a new Shrink. :)
I would not recognize you if you were NOT slightly oddish. Really. That is probably why we became friends and one of the reasons that we have remained friends for 24(?) years.
Still, it would be nice if you would never feel that white kuckled feling again.

JKB said...

This sounds really promising, Heidi...I hope he works out for you! (He really sounds like an oddity, one that wants to *help*. bizarre)

CindyDianne said...

WOW! A Dr (Pshrink or not) that really wants to help is a blessing! Yay!

And we like you odd and a little off. I, for one, feel better about my own oddishness when I am not alone.


Heidi the Hick said...

Thank you, guys. It's good to be appreciated for my offness. Let's say that's a word now: OFFNESS.

I'm really very serious that I'd love to provide a Dr C for everybody who needs him. Just walking out of there with the thought that "This is a psychiatrist who wants to help me feel better!" is a huge boost.

I mean, every single time I leave a meeting like that, I feel shaky and overwhelmed and confused and tired. This was no exception. But I felt hope and man, that's the thing. HOPE. What have you got without it?

I also think ODDISH and ODDISHNESS should be considered real words too now. Done.

JKB said...

You mean those aren't real words?


Have a great weekend!

Olly said...

OMG! We could be identical twins. Eerie sometimes when you describe things you have problems with - right down to the driving. I'm curious to know how this doctor is going to help.

Anita said...

I need a flock of Dr. Cs... and I'm glad you have found yours... :)

dilling said...

He listened?
No Way!!!
We're all moving over there, better book your appointments in now!!!!

Heidi said...

Do you mean odd is not normal????

I am pso happy for you. I hope this is the moment your life changes in a really positive way.

Just don't let him take away those people in your head that are talking to you. Psomeday that one is going to really pay off!

terry said...

i like this guy already.

and who in the world ISN'T odd?

Heidi the Hick said...



billie said...

Great news, Heidi - I hope things get better soon. I love that you left his office feeling HOPE. And you're right, everyone deserves that kind of psychiatrist.