Friday, April 18, 2008

We Now Return To Regularly Scheduled Johnny Friday!

Like, I'm not even gonna try today to match up the words with the facial expressions.  No tie ins.  Just boom, here's a truckload of Johnny pictures.  

Hey, guess what I've been doing all week?  Whispering, coughing, and blowing my nose.  Are you aware of just how much horrible snot can be produced by a human head?  It's disgusting.  Don't even get near me, I will infect you.  I'm a festering germ bucket.  I gross myself out.  Yes I embarrass myself.

Y'see, first I had this Big Depression Problem, so I went to the doctor and he gave me some pills, so I took the pills that gave me a sick belly for two weeks.  I didn't eat.  I got weak, and lost weight the bad way.  Then we went out west for a big little music awards shindig.

Do you know the origin of the word SHINDIG?  I don't.  I might look that up today between kleenexes.

Blah blah blah.  So we came home from the Big Party Weekend Plus Escape to the Mountains, Jethro went back to work and I did laundry for three days.  Then last Saturday, my friend Susan and I hooked her trailer up to my truck, packed up all four of our kids, and took a two hour drive to pick up a horse.  

Of course, it was raining when we started off.  It would have to be, wouldn't it?  I already had a sore throat, which I attributed to a bad combination of living like a rock star for a few days, plus yelling over the noise at parties, plus... airport germs.  Yeesh.  Add that to the loading of 18 bales of hay into the truck bed, and an hour's worth of convincing the horse into the trailer while Susan's baby cried and the rest of the kids ran around like they'd been stuck in the backseat of a truck for three hours.  

I had no voice on the drive home.  Ever try whispering over the drone of a 350 Chevy V8 for a couple hours?  Ha.  I know I'm sick because despite the throat thing, I thought the whole trip was FUN!

And the horse is pretty nice.  I'll tell you about him later.  He's not a keeper -- his owner will want him back next year -- but until then we've got another friend to play with.

And I guess this week, I've officially been A HORSE WHISPERER!  hahahaha!  Geez.  Technically I spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday in bed, hacking up yellow stuff, breathing through the flannel sheets, and trying to sweat the germs out.  I had the dog at my feet and the cat at my head, breathing sleep all over me.  I've been washing my hands like a freak, changing the sheets on the bed every two days, and smearing Vitamin E ointment on my poor little nostrils.  I'm fortified by honey and lemon tea.  I've gone through about four boxes of Kleenex, three bags of Ricola cough drops, and rinsed uncountable gobs of yuck down the drain.  Oh boy, aren't you glad you stopped by here today???

When I finally got out to Susan's barn, I was glad I spent all those childhood years with my Daddy, learning how to spit like a farmer.  I can spit from horseback clear across the corral.  

I still don't have a voice.  Just a ragged croak.  But the good news is, um, if you can call this good, the stuff I'm coughing up isn't as colourful anymore!  I think I'm getting better!  Also I've managed to keep my germs to myself and nobody else is showing signs of getting sick.  Relief.  

There's more good news:  all this lying around has resulted in a highly polished manuscript/ query letter/ synopsis combo which is itching to get sent to a nice literary agency in Toronto.  They have no idea what they're in for.  I promise to disinfect the paper before I stick it in the envelope...


Heidi the Hick said...

Further proof that dogs are disgusting:

He's been eating the snotty kleenexes.

I mean, the cat can hardly even look at him.

coffeypot said...

Johnny who???

coffeypot said...

And why are you complaining. Eating kleeneses means he won't have to wipt his ass when he shits, the kleenex will do it for him. I might try it.

Heidi the Hick said...

Snort, hahahaha!

So the pug is smarter than we thought, eh?

JKB said...

Oh, get better soon! I am looking forward to new horse pics. Another Appy?

So...you're querying Canadians first? Do you consider the Americans at all?

Coffeypot -- LOL

Tod said...

Yuk, that's too much snot for one post.

Good luck with the query letter and feel better soon! :)

Biddie said...

LOL. Bumble eats the snot rags, too. Ewww. Grosses me out.
I don't mind if Coffeypot eats the kleenex, but does it have to be snotty????
Hope that you are feeling better soon.
Hugs xx

Olly said...

Ahhh. The return of the Johhny Friday. Missed him. I hope you feel better real soon. I had that coldflu thing last month. It really took me down for a few weeks!

And Coffeypot? No eating tissues!!!

Heidi the Hick said...

Jkb- I'll take pictures of the new horse next week. In fact I'll do a whole post on him!

As for agents- I've sent out 13 queries for this book already, and I think 9 were to American agents. There are only about 30 agents in Canada, I kid you not. Some don't take what I offer so that narrows it down even more. I haven't ever had the guts to send my book to this particular agency but I believe I am finally ready!

Tod... sorry! It's been too much snot for one week!

I'm getting better. That's the important part!

Biddie, hahaha! Let's get Coffeypot a nice new box to chew on.

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh Olly, didn't see you there! Yes we can all breathe easier now that we have Johnny back. Me, I'm just glad I can breathe today!

I know that cold really took you down. This is going on a week. Reeeeally looking forward to getting rid of it!

dilling said...

Poor Heidi...never a dull moment... Michael is just getting over something similar. I seem to have avoided it, but maybe I should take an extra nap or two just to be sure. Any excuse to curl up with my fur-babies. Have a good(well, better, anyway) weekend and feel much better soon.

Heidi the Hick said...

Curling up with the critters is the best medicine!!!

jIhAd PuNk said...

drink brandy snotty girl. lots of brandy.

Heidi the Hick said...


Heidi the Hick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heidi said...

Johnny days are back! Routine is good!

At least someone is cleaning up the kleenexes around your house! We all have allergies and I think I'm the only one who knows where the trash is. I do miss my dog! :)

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Heidi the Hick said...

Wow, snot is likeable?!

Must be the Johnny pictures. Takes your mind off the germs.

Anita said...

One more reason one should not eat in front of the computer... *ahem* OK. You're great for my diet... lol

I missed Johnny. It just wasn't a weekend without Johnny!

Adrienne said...

Hey hon! You ever see "Lost in La Mancha" about the failed filming of Terry Gilliam's Don Quixote? Johnny is in that. It's a documentary and super sad.

BTW, I tagged you! Check out my blog for the details!

Trailboss said...

I look forward to pictures of the temp. horse.

Holly Kennedy said...

Sorry I missed you when you were in Calgary for the Junos! It really was so crazy I completely forgot about possibly having coffee together.

Good luck with your query, kiddo!
You deserve the best possible agent out there :)

Adrienne said...

Um . . . I tagged you AGAIN. Something totally different. Sorry, but this one is pretty fun too!