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Friday, March 14, 2008

Cures, Cheer ups, Quick Fixes and a Guy Who Looks Good in Anything...

First of all, thank you to all who took the time to comment yesterday. I've done a lot of thinking and it looks like I'll be starting back on the little white pills soon. I don't have to like it. I just have to do it if I want to actually get out of this awful depression and get my life back on track. I'll be calling my counselor back too. I wonder if she feels like I only call her when I have a problem. Oh poor me, wah wah wah, I'm so depressed, nobody understands me, why do I feel like I wanna die blah blah blah.


What a crappy job. Can you imagine? Spending your day getting paid to hear about people's problems? I'm glad she's doing it, cuz I wouldn't want it! Thank God for people like her who want to help, and have the strength to do it.

Over the last couple of years I've developed all kinds of little ways to pick myself up. I even got pretty good at recognizing the signs of a depression coming on and been able to stop it before it gets rolling. I know it's time for help when I forget all of those strategies, or they just stop working. Hopefully I'll get it all back again.

Hey, wanna hear one good thing? I mean, one REALLY AMAZINGLY LUCKY GOOD THING? My brilliant imagination is the one thing that hasn't shriveled up! Last night I started taking notes on another -yes another- novel idea.


Yeah I know, I don't really need to have three ideas started at once, but it's okay, because it feels really good to know that I'll never run out of writing. That, right there, is a comfort.

I'm going out to the farm for a couple of days, to swing a fork, brush horses, and look out the window at fields and trees. I need that so bad right now. I realize that if I moved out to the country my depression issues would not magically disappear. I do think that some of the anxiety would fade. It doesn't matter how much I love my neighbourhood... I can't see any wide open space here. And it stresses me out on a daily basis.


Yes I do find myself staring out the window feeling kinda trapped, only I'm not this sultry and brooding and gorgeous about the whole thing.

Enough of the downer talk, man. Enough! I'm sick of it. Let's talk about how wearing a blanket can really work, especially if you know how to work a plaid shirt and patched jeans, cuz that is some good hick chic. And of course, Carhartt. It's like the Haute Couture of the Hick and the Chic.




Oh Johnny. We need a smile today. Just a little one. Please?




Oh that's nice. But I think we need a little more on a day like today. It would mean so much.


No need to be shy now... We're all friends here, sort of...




Thanks, man.

8 comments:

dilling said...

ah, Johnny, happy weekend to you, too. and you, Heidi!

Biddie said...

Surprisingly, I am feeling much better than I have been in a long time. The past few weeks were baaad, but the nicer weather, and my ipod go a long way...
All of my toubles are still there, but I am on an upswing. Ruby does for me what the farm does for you...I don't think that the meds are hurting, either...
Happy Farm weekend, Heidi :)

Anita said...

You know, I'm sort of becoming addicted to the "Johnny Fix" every Friday... lol

FOUR DINNERS said...

If my book gets published and does ok and I get famous and get a movie deal I'll insist on him paying you a personal visit as part of the deal ok?

Agent says it's looking good but I won't give up the day job ;-)

coffeypot said...

When I was in therapy I ask my therapist if he ever saw one. He said he did. You hear so much sad shit and see so many tears that it has to affect you. Also, there is a very high rate of suicide among the mental health professionals. I think it is safer to be a little nuts. And, btw, Johnny who?

katy said...

Heidi I know how you feel re the pills, I had been off them for a few years, yes I too knew the signs, but alas I am back on them and you know what? I already feel on the way to being me again, it is not a bad thing you know to go back on them OK (((hugs)))
enjoy the farm, oh saw Johnny's house in LA tried to get a photo of it for you, but the coach didn't stop! did get a photo of a cute pug will show it soon!

A Paperback Writer said...

It's no shame to take medicine when you need medicine, Heidi. Would you think badly of a cancer patient for taking chemo? I bet you wouldn't.
Anyway, I'm sending happy thoughts your way. Thanks for the Johnny pics.
hugs to you

Rising Rainbow said...

I found that spending lots of time with my horses is really good therapy for me. Finally giving in an buying my first horse was the best thing I ever did.

I hope your depression lifts soon.