First of all, thank you to all who took the time to comment yesterday. I've done a lot of thinking and it looks like I'll be starting back on the little white pills soon. I don't have to like it. I just have to do it if I want to actually get out of this awful depression and get my life back on track. I'll be calling my counselor back too. I wonder if she feels like I only call her when I have a problem. Oh poor me, wah wah wah, I'm so depressed, nobody understands me, why do I feel like I wanna die blah blah blah.
What a crappy job. Can you imagine? Spending your day getting paid to hear about people's problems? I'm glad she's doing it, cuz I wouldn't want it! Thank God for people like her who want to help, and have the strength to do it.
Over the last couple of years I've developed all kinds of little ways to pick myself up. I even got pretty good at recognizing the signs of a depression coming on and been able to stop it before it gets rolling. I know it's time for help when I forget all of those strategies, or they just stop working. Hopefully I'll get it all back again.
Hey, wanna hear one good thing? I mean, one REALLY AMAZINGLY LUCKY GOOD THING? My brilliant imagination is the one thing that hasn't shriveled up! Last night I started taking notes on another -yes another- novel idea.
Yeah I know, I don't really need to have three ideas started at once, but it's okay, because it feels really good to know that I'll never run out of writing. That, right there, is a comfort.
I'm going out to the farm for a couple of days, to swing a fork, brush horses, and look out the window at fields and trees. I need that so bad right now. I realize that if I moved out to the country my depression issues would not magically disappear. I do think that some of the anxiety would fade. It doesn't matter how much I love my neighbourhood... I can't see any wide open space here. And it stresses me out on a daily basis.
Yes I do find myself staring out the window feeling kinda trapped, only I'm not this sultry and brooding and gorgeous about the whole thing.
Enough of the downer talk, man. Enough! I'm sick of it. Let's talk about how wearing a blanket can really work, especially if you know how to work a plaid shirt and patched jeans, cuz that is some good hick chic. And of course, Carhartt. It's like the Haute Couture of the Hick and the Chic.
Oh Johnny. We need a smile today. Just a little one. Please?
Oh that's nice. But I think we need a little more on a day like today. It would mean so much.
No need to be shy now... We're all friends here, sort of...