I was reading, writing, and riding. I've been mostly cold. And tired. But it's okay.
New book project: It is getting easier, now that I've forced my way into the story. I've made some veeeeery interesting discoveries, including a character who popped up unexpectedly and stole my heart. This story still makes me painfully uncomfortable though. I wrote a section yesterday that I deleted and retrieved three times. I'm waiting for it to grab me and beg me to write it. Now it's just nagging me sullenly. I resist... but the good news is, I am writing it. I'd like to think that's the difference between saying I want to be a writer and actually being a writer. I keep writing.
Riding progress: discovered that Rider Level 3 is no longer enough to take the next step. As of January 2008 I need Rider Level 4 in order to take my Instructor's Exam. Slight panic. Slight. I've been having long conversations with myself, persuading me that I can do this.
So basically, I've spent the last two weeks doing the following:
reading books about riding lessons
riding, while wiggling my fingers to get the feeling back into them
reading (Steinbeck's East of Eden- why why why have I waited so long to read this?)
petting my old cat
making faces at my young dog
teaching the warm up and cool down sections of a lesson, while stomping around in the snow to keep my extremities from going numb
writing a publicity blurb for my favourite recording studio (free; but I get awesome fringe benefits) (like groceries...)
walking that pug, vigorously, trying to work off some of our winter weight if you know what I mean.
worrying about money (lack of)
riding, and enjoying it once we get moving and get warm
writing point form lesson plans
flinging horse manure
reading agent blogs and sadly becoming even more confused as to what they want from me
watching American Idol with my kids. QUICK- Simon or Ryan????
Basically, while I was not creating new bloggage, I was getting myself all overwhelmed with new projects. Apparently I am stupid that way.
I don't give up easily though. I am not one of those Type A achievers, no matter how much I've wished to be. I am the kind who steadily ambles along, silently pep-talking myself the whole way, muttering and grunting and stopping for a short rest at each milestone. I have two nasty little monsters following me. One is Fear and one is Sadness. Every now and then they take over but sometimes I stop to kick their asses. Sometimes I get so far ahead of them that if I turned my head I might not be able to see them.
Today when I was riding Tia she stopped dead in her tracks and looked out into the forest. A flash of red the size of a dog bounced through the deep snow, black paws and a white tipped tail disappearing as soon as I figured out who he was. I wonder who he was following.
Enjoy every breath, my friends. Don't ever be afraid to live, but be careful. Even too much of something helpful can hurt you. Never suffer alone in silence. Close your eyes in the dark and breathe deep. Be thankful for every hardship and joy you've been given. Be thankful for every day you wake up and open your eyes.
(I thought he was great in Ned Kelly.)
I treated myself to a new plaid shirt the other day. I needed flannel so badly. Desperate need for warm soft comfort. The only plaid they had left was blue. I took it.
See you on Monday.