Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Hick Sheek Fashion Week: Hall of Shame!

To my American friends who have taken time out from their big meal to come over and read today...Happy Thanksgiving!

Most ads for western wear drive me crazy in the most delightfully confusing way. Have you ever hated something so much you had to love it, even if just to indulge your mean streak and make fun of it? I don't go around making fun of people. I can't do it. But western wear ads? Bring it on.

I admit, there's a lot I like about this plaid shirt. I like plaid. It makes me think of comfort. But paired with these low waisted jeans it's just wrong. It's too mall. But my biggest problem is...

...the flippin wind machine blowing her hair around. Doesn't it remind you of that scene in Wayne's World? You know, the one with the Dream Weaver and Garth and all that? Right?

Oh, but some of these ads are just killer. So bad they're awesome.

I'd like to share with you some captions I've invented. I'm not a genius with captions so feel free to invent some better ones. This could be fun.

"You won't even notice how hideous this pastel plaid shirt is, because I am very alluring. No, I am, really."

"You just keep your eyes open, cowboy, cuz any second, I'm gonna...YANK THIS SHIRT OFF!!!!"

"Hi. This is an ad for MY BOOB."

"Ooooohmagawd! Check it out, I totally got a whole can of hairspray in my hair! And guess what? This shirt doesn't even fit, but I totally tied it at the bottom and like now, you can't even tell! Whoo hoo!"

And then there's this, which...you know what, I'm sorry, I kind of like this and can't think of anything mean to say. Sorry.

Here is the most Heinous example of bad western wear advertising.

"I think a trail ride is a great idea! I'll be out to ride in a jiffy, just as soon as I repaint my nails, match my dangly earrings to my shirt and tank top, fix my lipstick, match my eyeshadow to my earrings, and oh! readjust my towering beehive!"


Now don't think that guys are excempt! Hick Chic is for everybody...or not.

Now, proving that I myself belong in the Hall of Shame because I really like this guy's shirt. I'm not kidding, I like it. I don't think I could ever get my man to wear it though.

Having said that, this dude is totally model and I don't believe he's ever gotten dirty in his life. Not that that matters. I'm just saying.

However, he's not us unreal as this dude...

Is he made of wax? Is he aware of what he's wearing? "Good heavens, Muffy darling, I appear to be wearing some sort of cowboy shirt. Have the Bentley brought around, we'll need to remedy this situation immediately. What's that dear? Well I suppose I could keep it on just a little bit longer..."

And finally, the absolute, best, worst, most massive example of...Hick Chic Hall of Shame.

Dude! Just....

NO! That buckle is too big! It's too big! It's just too big!

This is coming from me, all 5' 1" of me, little wee massive-GMC-pickup-truck-driving me. Okay? I know a thing or to about SIZE ISSUES. And I have no problem with a big belt buckle. Seriously. My husband, who's never been on a Harley Davidson in his life, wears a leather Harley belt sporting a honking big buckle with the word LEGENDARY stamped on it.

But seriously buddy! How many socks you wearing right now? Snort! Pfffft! hahaha!

And geez, tuck in your shirt a little better, would ya? Holy crap.

This concludes our Hick Chic Hall of Shame.


Heidi the Hick said...

I am wiped out- that's the snarkiest I can get without feeling sick to my stomach.

That's all, you've been a great audience! G'nite!

rain said...

I just snorted and spewed all over my keyboard! Mr. Socks and his badly tucked in shirt. Ms. Beehive..ssppffftt!!!

Heidi the Hick said...

I know! Like, ANYBODY can appreciate this, right???

captain corky said...

LOL! Loved all the pics of the cowgirls Heidi. ;)

Anita said...

OMG!! I'm rollin' down here!!! The Bentley drivin' stuffed shirt cracked me up!
The sad thing is, there are enough rodeo cowboys around here that I see a lot of those rodeo championship belt buckles that are exactly that big...*sigh*

emily said...

i LOVVVVE the Bentley driving cowboy! I love what you wrote and his POSE!!!!

Anita said...

What I really hate are the ads for Western JEWELRY where the model is wearing 46.7 pounds of silver and turquoise and 3.2 pounds of make-up... Sheesh!

Heidi the Hick said...

hahah! You saw it too eh? Doesn't he look stiff and uncomfortable and totally out of place? Funny!

We have only a few rodeo cowboys up here- I think many of them migrate south for the winter to rodeo. Around here, we just don't see many giant buckles like that.

HOW does a guy get anything done packing that much hardware??? How do you bend over to pick up a hoof? It's just too much!!

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh I know, the fake cowgirls. It's too much.

Now that's something you do see around here. You have to be in the right place, but you see it.

There's a horse auction about a half hour east of here where people move their horses quick and cheap. You'll see a lot of chickies who seem to believe that in order to look like a legit horsewoman, they need the silver and turquoise, and the big yellow hair. I'm all for presentation but it can backfire. And your make up does not equate to a better behaved horse!

Anita said...

The big difference between a woman in western wear, and a cowgirl...

Heidi the Hick said...


coffeypot said...

I didn't care for any of the dudes, but any of those ladies could saddle my horn any day - individually or (as I would love to believe I could do it) all at one time.

Biddie said...

Geoff has all kinds of bad western wear, cuz, he's a cowboy, you know.
(Sleeping with a cow does not make you a cowboy- or does it?)
I always thought that a polyester work shirt was not very work-y, you know? Imagine sweating your ass off in one of those.
LOVE the beehive. Betty had one of those in the 60's, darling.
Great post.

Olly said...

Great stuff!!
You would have such fun coming up with captions for ads that a Nanaimo salon puts in our local rag. The model is usually half-dressed and in some ridiculous pose and to top it off her hair usually looks like she has been through a wind storm, or as my mother-in-law puts it "been dragged through a hedge backwards". We get such a laugh giving captions to the pics.
Great post!!!

A Paperback Writer said...

We used to have a lot of cowboys at the school where I teach, but in the last 10 years, suburbia has bloomed and the cowboys have fled the valley more and more.
However, I remember the day when belt buckles JUST THE SIZE OF THE ONE IN YOUR PHOTO were quite the rage. We used to make fun of them all the time.
So, my guess is: that buckle's meant for a kid. It's obviously not a buckle you could actually work in, since it'd gauge your stomach. But it's the kind of thing that draws your eye to right where the average teen boy wants it to be. Yup, a Wrangler butt in the back, and a huge buckle in the front.
Oh well, I'd still rather see that on a kid than the stupid sagging that's all the rage now.

Heidi the Hick said...

APW I agree wholeheartedly. I'd much rather see a totally ostentatious buckle than pants hanging off the butt!
I do love Wranglers and a nice belt buckle. Just...not like that.

The cowboys have fled the valley? That sounds so sad! ....great book title though...

Olly, thanks! Captions are fun!

Biddie, baby, you are so bad! And I laughed out loud when I read that, so I guess I'm kinda bad too!

You like the beehive eh? I think it should be a musical- Hairspray on the Range?

Coffeypot- "saddle my horn!" Snorttttt! heehee!

Kelly Malloy said...

I almost spit my soda out on that one! Too funny!

Anita said...

"cowboy" farmer types here work in buckles like that all the time... I'm not sure how... But they do.. I see them come into the store after working all day.. Some of them are even actually working with cows... lol

Nicole said...

Can I just point out that it's way too early on the morning after Thanksgiving to be spraying coffee all over my monitor? Oh, well....


cara winsor hehir said...

llew and i ventured to the store in our flannel plaids today, his green, mine blue. i also wore pajamas and bright red boots. we definatly would NOT have made your bad plaid list.

Heidi the Hick said...

Cara, next time take a picture! You guys are straight up awesome!

Trish said...

How funny! When I wear plaid shirts, I get accused of dressing like a lesbian! I just don't get these city-lesbian women, sometimes. [check it out: http://etrish.wordpress.com/2007/11/07/straight-but-with-lesbian-fashion-sense/] I'm just a farmgirl stuck working in the city. Someday, I'll ride off on my tractor and never commute in traffic again.... ;- )

hometown hick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hometown hick said...

That belt buckle ain't a normal buckle. Nobody goes around in those. Thems is championchip buckles. Notice the bull? And who cares how someone tucks in their shirt? It looks fine. If you understood that way of life a little more there would be a lot less laughter and a lot more "So what?"

hometown hick said...

I have to admit though...the models definitely couldn't pull it off. Only real muscles and grime make it look plausible.

Anonymous said...

I didn't understand the concluding part of your article, could you please explain it more?