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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Hick Chic Guide to...SANITY!!! Cuz i'm, like, an expert on this...

To celebrate the end of my Blogiversary Month (yeah I know it's not the end quite yet but it's Halloween tomorrow and that's hardcore important y'know) I have decided to give you all one of the most important and informative Hick Chic Guides I could ever write.

And now I'm sitting here with a brain freeze.

Darnit.

What am I thinking, writing about sanity?? Do I even know what that is???? What is sane? What is insane?

you've been asking this since you were about twelve years old.

Yeah I know, and have I got an answer yet?

not even close.

So how the heck am I supposed to tell anyone else?

why not call in one of your fake people?

Hey that's a good idea...Oh look, it's my eighteen year old, pickup truck driving, Metallica listening, whiskey drinking, car painting, ragged pre-hunk son of a Scottish trucker!

WILL: I think you're both f#*@ed.

of course you would.

But Will, sanity. How do I explain it when I'm not sure myself how to get it or keep it or even what it is?

WILL: Don't you have work to do? Get your ass outside. F*@# man, there's like a thousand things to do. Quit complaining and get to work. I don't have time for this s&*#.

Hmm. Good idea. I do need to get outside.

WILL: I am full of good ideas. I got a good idea right now...

Ew, I created you, stop flirting with me. You are disgusting. I disgust myself for inventing you. Go away. Geez.


Okay...well that experiment backfired terribly.

he's got a good point though. You have a lot to do today and there's a whole back yard full of leaves. And there's that rapsberry patch to take care of.

It always helps, doesn't it? I'll do that before I get in the truck and go do all those things at those places, with the stuff.

WHEN YOU GET IN THE TRUCK YOU SHOULD KEEP ON DRIVING!!!!!!

Oh no where did you come from-

AND DRIVE REALLY FRICKING FAST TOO!! WHOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!

i invited her.

Whyyyyyy?

she's fun.

She's a pain!

I'M GONNA DRESS UP AS JACK SPARROW FOR HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!! AGAAAIN!!!!!!!

he he he

COME ON, LET'S GO!

i miss the horses.

Where'd that come from?

i miss them all the time.

EVEN WHEN IT'S COLD IN THE MORNING AND YOU THINK YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO OUT TO THE BARN BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN TOWN?

Hey- do any of you feel like having a good cry?

right now?

KIND OF, YEAH.

We could. We could just have a little cry and then get on with our day.

yeah but that would take time away from our whole leaf raking and getting stuff done thing.

True.

CRY! CRY! I LOVE CRYING! I HATE CRYING!

Me too.

yeah.

Screw it I'm going outside-

WHEN ARE WE GOING RIDING AGAIN?

Tomorrow.

can we cry at bedtime tonight?

Sure.

OKAY.

I can't remember what I was writing about today.

WHEN IS WILL COMING BACK?

oh honey, will never leaves. he's permanent. he's here whether we like him or not. he's us. only we'd never ever be as cruel as he can be.

I'm getting a headache.

OH! I KNOW! IF WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SANITY, WHATEVER THE HECK THAT IS, WHY DON'T WE PUT SOME PICTURES UP! I LOVE PICTURES!!!!

yeah, roll off some pics and then let's get outta here.

I think this is the most unhelpful guide I've ever written.

I don't know what you expected to put in a hick chic guide to sanity. I mean c'mon. this is us we're dealing with here.

RRRMMMMMM GRRMMPFFFFFF GAHHHHHHHHH JOHNNYBEER BOOTSADDLE TRUCKMUDFLAP RRRMMMMFFFFF HUGMONSTER COUCHBOOKDOGCAT ROCKNROLL NOCAFFEINE HORSENOSTRILS GAHHHH


I really didn't mean to let her out. Sorry. Here are some pictures. I call it, "The Mental Health Collection."
















17 comments:

Biddie said...

Well, I would say that you ceratinly are an expert on mental health after that.
Hmmm...Well, I like the pictures.
I do feel like crying RIGHT now.
Mind you, I always feel like crying.
Tomorrow is Halloween, and I still haven't decided what to wear.
Gonna post the photos of Captain Jack?

dilling said...

Um, do I need to worry if that all made PERFECT sense to me...like, um, seriously. Does that make me sane...or insane?!?
Happy Hauntings.

Heidi the Hick said...

I think we should all have a good cry. It'll be fun!

I have been out raking, now I gotta go do a thing with stuff and drive to a place, y'know, and darn right I'm gonna have a Captainheidijackorama tomorrow!

Perfect sense? Man, I don't know. I just don't know!

CindyDianne said...

Tell Will I said to stuff it. No wait! On second thought, that one would probably take me seriously...

Have a good day.

I worry about the ones that think they are completely sane. Those are the ones that scare me.

coffeypot said...

Hey, gang. Y'all be good to Heidi, and don't all come out a one time. But have a great Halloween. You, too! And you, and you, and you, and...

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh man, I had to go to the grocery store today and I had the worst chest pain I've had in...like a week. Hard time breathing and everything. Why???? Am I doing this to myself??? All this time and I still have to deal with this? I am not yet cured?????

And then I thought of this post today.

Oh yeah.

I am an expert.

Uh huh.

Anita said...

Somehow, it all makes sense to me, too...

Heidi the Hick said...

I have really done it this time! Only five comments! From my hardcore full timers! I scared everybody else away!

Don't fear the crazy! Come baaaaaack!

(Even my own husband can't face the crazy.)

OK. This is Jethro here. It's not that I'm scared, it's just that it's a little like trying to read Korean, or Russian, or something. Just too hard. Can't concentrate... What does it all mean? Who ARE these people?

yeah whatever big feller. Gimme back your computer.

And I'll see ya in bed.

rain said...

I'm here. I read. I have to go to sleep. I can't carry on that many conversations at one time. I'm too tired. But I want to.

Lynn Sinclair said...

With all those voices in your head, it's no surprise that you're a writer. Happy Halloween.

captain corky said...

I feel like a picture of Captain Corky in the middle of that collage would be perfect, but maybe I'm just vain. ;)

Heidi the Hick said...

Nah Corky, you'd fit right in!

Lynn, you're right. I think that's the only way I'll get any peace!

Rain, I'm tired too. When I figure out how to get a good night's sleep I promise I will tell.

Olly said...

Wow, it's like you can read my mind. I thought I was the only one who had thought patterns like that. I've always considered it to be a kind of multi-tasking brain thing.

Never tried to write them down though... Maybe with enough valium I could sit still long enough to try.

Heidi the Hick said...

Valium? Bah! Put the pen on the paper and let it rip, that's what I say!

Tod said...

Well I didn't fully understand it but then I do have a major hangover. I should come back and read it when I feel better.

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh Tod, I don't think it'll help!

LeRoy Dissing said...

Heidi...you are saner (is that a word?) than most I come in contact with. Usually I will start by looking in the mirror :) I like the pics. They anchor us in reality.