Talkin Dirty with thorny roses and a cowboy with a sad sad song...!

Yeah man! Guess who we saw last night! POISON! mwahahaha! It was Nothin But A Good Time. How could I resist?


When my girl KC asked us if we wanted to see Poison, our answer was, well, heck why not? The tickets were twenty bucks. Total bargain. I really wasn't a huge fan back then. I thought they looked like chicks. I thought they were kind of silly. I like them more now than twenty years ago and I believe it's mostly a nostalgia thing. Maybe my appreciation of silliness is better developed now. but I'm always up for a rock concert. The real draw was the company involved. We'd be going with KC and her boyfriend, and KC's mom, the illustrious, notorious, beautiful and hilarious, Biddie!!!

Note: all the pictures here today are off the internet. If you want to see REAL PICTURES FROM THE SHOW you will have to go to Biddie's blog!!!


(is it possible that some minor airbrushing has happened here????? I'm not saying or anything. I'm just saying.)

I of course had a raging chest pain all the way down the highway. By the time we got to Toronto's Lakeshore Drive, I was slumped down in the passenger seat muttering IhatethecityIhateitIhateit holycrapthiscitysmellslikeatoilet doesn'tanybodyhyererealizehowbaditsmells can'tsomebodymakethehumansewagesmellgoaway and Jethro correcting me that it actually smelled like a combination of furnace oil and human sewage. There's only one way to quell the anxiety and appreciate the benefits of the city- go to a rock concert.

Here is YOUR HICK CHIC ROCK CONCERT REPORT!!!!

Opening act

It was RATT!

Remember them? Remember their big hit? Round And Round? Love will find a way just give it time? What goes around comes around? I'll tell you why? Them?

You know what? They were awesome. I mean it. Stephen Pearcy looked fit and healthy, without resorting to a look that screamed "I was a rock star in the 80s". What a relief. Jethro was very happy that guitarist Warren DeMartini is still a guitar hero. John Corabi was rhythm guitarist. You might know him from his rather weird moment in the early 90s as a member of Motley Crue. Or you might not. Anyways. They were a tight band and put on a good show. This prompted me to observe to Jethro that I'm always surprised when a band from my youth still has it. It shouldn't surprise me. Twenty years ago, bands generally still had to be able musicians. Before ProTools came along, sending engineers like Jethro into small windowless rooms to click a mouse and tune single notes for days on end, guys had to be able to play. These skills can get rusty but hey man, shake it off and shine it up and you're back. Yay!

I couldn't find any recent pictures, but if you're interested, go to their website, The Ratt Pack!

Rocking moments in intermission history

They played "Welcome To The Jungle" through the PA while setting up the stage. So I was doing my Axl impression. Oh yeah. I had my falsetto going on. It's killer. And like, I stood up and did my Axl dance and everything. All this while Jethro retold his story of why he hates Axl and the whole thing with mopping Axl's spit off the studio floor and I just kept on howling it's gonna bring you down, HUH because I'd heard the story before, back in 1991 or whatever it was.

Then they played "Highway To Hell" and we wondered why the heck we've never been to see AC/DC when they've been in Toronto. They are definitely on our list of Bands We Must See Before We Die.

Then all of us wondered at the marvels at rock concerts...that the songs on the PA between sets get almost as much cheering as the bands themselves. We're equal opportunity, we rock fans. We love unconditionally.

The People Watching Alone Was Worth The Ticket

On our way in, we came across a young fella in skinny skinny jeans, cowboy boots, a perfect shag haircut, and a black satin jacket with the RATT logo on the back. I had a time warp. Seriously. I was like, he's only 17!!! How can he know this??? but clearly he has done his homework! He inherited a stack of old Hit Parader magazines from his cool dope smoking uncle or something.

Then there was the dude with waist length hair (with bangs) and a Thin Lizzy patch on the back of his denim jacket. He was tall and skinny and wore white high cut running shoes. Can you still buy them new???? His girlfriend had a shag haircut, a concert T, a miniskirt, footless lace tights, and little blue low heeled pumps. I was seriously getting dizzy looking at these two. I swear they were in my math class in 1986. A camera crew snagged them for an interview. I am not kidding.

OOO then there were they bonafide old school for real fans. The guys who pulled the old Poison shirt out and wore it. The guys who traded a shift at the factory to be there. The guys who smiled at their wives and got into the minivan and drove to the city from the burbs. The ladies who sneaked off for the evening and put their make up on in the car-- just like in high school!!! The dudes who aren't really clear on what year it is now.

There were even a few guys wearing mullet wigs. Posers.

Then there were the three soccer moms wearing home made Poison tank tops and dancing and hugging and generally gettin all friendly.


We were waiting for them to smooch but never got the camera ready on time! At one point I asked Biddie if she thought their kids knew they were our for the night wearing minis and low slung wide belts. Then it occurred to me that we are somebody's mothers too. And that she was actually there with her daughter and drunk underage boyfriend. whoohoo yeah us, we rock. Whoo... And I'm serious, if you want to see all the good pictures, you better go see what Biddie's got!

Poison

Oh yeah. The actual concert!

We weren't there for brilliant musicianship, folks. We were there for nothin but a good time! So we did some singing along and some whooooooing and did lots of horn throwing and that sort of fun stuff. We even stood up and danced.

Here's the best part- at one point they started playing "Unskinny Bop."

So I look at Bridget and go, "I don't think this is their song."

Biddie- isn't this Warrant?

Me- Yeah it is.

Biddie-Poor Jani Lane! What did he do to deserve this?

Me- I never liked Warrant much.

But we danced anyways.

And then CC DeVille did his Triumphant Guitar Solo which of course was waaaay cool.


CC looks like he's been dragged behind a tour bus and came up grinning. He's a bundle of fun!!! And has not one but TWO Gibson Flying V guitars!! Jethro says CC is a good singer. Jethro really likes to hear actual notes; he's kind of funny that way.

And then Rikki Rocket did his drum solo which was cool because his drum riser drove to the front of the stage! And then it rose up on a scissor jack! And then he had his picture taken holding a cymbal in front of the crowd for an ad in Modern Drummer magazine! At which point Bridget asked me what, exactly, is modern about Rikki Rocket. I had no answer. I was equally perplexed.

I'm a little concerned about Bret Michaels. He doesn't look very healthy. Maybe he's having some struggles with the diabetes. In which case maybe he should cut down on the alcohol a little, I mean I'm not judging but diabetes has a big pull in my life and I worry about these things. I'm just saying. But you gotta hand it to him, he's a trooper. He had his right hand in a cast (toxic green, of course) but still did the gig and played guitar and everything. He even plugged his Reality TV dating show!!!!

Other than that the whole thing is a blur. I had no idea that these guys have been gigging in Toronto every year for 21 years. I had no idea. Huh.

Other highlights

Spencer did not fall over the seats and crack his inebriated head on the cement floor. In other happy news, I am now officially an unofficial cool auntie to him!

Nobody searched Biddie's bra, leaving the camera, bottles, change of clothes and kitchen sink unharmed!

We got the old pat down. yeesh. I think the guy spent a little too long pattin down my big husband. When it was my turn he asked, "Do you mind if I give you a pat down?" I grimaced. "Well I don't really want you to but...okaaay...." He basically gave me a slap on each side of my waist and a pat on the back of my legs and left me feeling relieved and unmolested. I thanked him for being gentle.

It cost 20 bucks to park. It cost 20 bucks for two slices of cheap pizza and a plastic cup full of low end beer. Needless to say, we did not buy any swag.

There was a guy who looked EXACTLY like Nigel Tufnel.

We were really stunned by this.

On the way out, a dude was sitting in the middle of the sidewalk playing the spoons. He had a ball cap on over his wild grey mess of long hair and had about three teeth. I gave him a toonie. He grinned and thanked me, wished me a good evening without skipping a beat. I figure he was worth two bucks.

And then we parted ways and went home, to our kids who did not kill each other while we were gone. Successful night.

Heck it was a good show. Original lineup people!!!! None of them died of party-related accidents or illnesses. Sometimes mere survival is enough when it comes to rock stars. Sometimes, it's all it takes!